I can't cry, is this a bad thing?

[marzipan75]

I know it's only been about 5 weeks now but I've kept busy with friends and had myself a good time lately. The issue at hand now is that I can't cry over the end of my relationship. I want to and I have these feelings of sadness come over me, like when I see another couple or a movie that is romantic. I just can't cry. I cried a lot during the first two weeks and now, it's like I have the feeling and then it passes and maybe I should be crying but I am not.

 

I am thinking that part of it is that maybe anger has set in? Or acceptance? Or any of those other steps in the process. Maybe I'm nuts for wanting to be over this so soon, but it just seems like the pain is a little more dull.

 

Time and again you guys have told me that I should allow myself to feel sad and not try to rush things and that's exactly what I am doing. I do however go out a lot with friends lately and I am having a good time. In fact, some things like my career and education goals have even improved quite a bit. I am giggly and chatty at times with friends at work. Somebody told me that today, they said I was "giggly" and I thought, "Am I?".

 

I am probably rambling here and I know it sounds boring but I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this so soon. After all, it's only been about five weeks but my get up and go attitude has been there from the start.

 

It's hard to know which one of those little steps or stages I am in because sometimes I feel acceptance over the end of the relationship and then at other times I feel like it's somehow unfinished and in six months or so I'll see him again somewhere.

 

So I don't cry and I don't want to make myself cry. Am I a walking time bomb? Is there something maybe that's about to happen, like some kind of cosmic slap in the face to signify to me that it's all really over?

 

It's times like these where I wish I had one of those "magig 8" balls. Deliver me.

[jam]

I know it's only been about 5 weeks now but I've kept busy with friends and had myself a good time lately. The issue at hand now is that I can't cry over the end of my relationship. I want to and I have these feelings of sadness come over me, like when I see another couple or a movie that is romantic. I just can't cry. I cried a lot during the first two weeks and now, it's like I have the feeling and then it passes and maybe I should be crying but I am not. I am thinking that part of it is that maybe anger has set in? Or acceptance? Or any of those other steps in the process. Maybe I'm nuts for wanting to be over this so soon, but it just seems like the pain is a little more dull. Time and again you guys have told me that I should allow myself to feel sad and not try to rush things and that's exactly what I am doing. I do however go out a lot with friends lately and I am having a good time. In fact, some things like my career and education goals have even improved quite a bit. I am giggly and chatty at times with friends at work. Somebody told me that today, they said I was "giggly" and I thought, "Am I?". I am probably rambling here and I know it sounds boring but I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this so soon. After all, it's only been about five weeks but my get up and go attitude has been there from the start. It's hard to know which one of those little steps or stages I am in because sometimes I feel acceptance over the end of the relationship and then at other times I feel like it's somehow unfinished and in six months or so I'll see him again somewhere.

 

So I don't cry and I don't want to make myself cry. Am I a walking time bomb? Is there something maybe that's about to happen, like some kind of cosmic slap in the face to signify to me that it's all really over? It's times like these where I wish I had one of those "magig 8" balls. Deliver me.

[Miss Mojo]

hi marzipan,

 

you write:

 

It's hard to know which one of those little steps or stages I am in because sometimes I feel acceptance over the end of the relationship and then at other times I feel like it's somehow unfinished and in six months or so I'll see him again somewhere.

 

there really is no standard guideline that our feelings follow when we have had an emotional upset. quite often, these things come in waves.

 

my ex and i broke up late last year and i cried rivers for the first few weeks. like you, i started to get out with my friends and think about what i'm going to do with my life now. i made plans for myself and had moments where i felt really good about myself. a few months down the track, i would find myself upset and crying when i thought i had the crying out of my system. as a matter of fact, i had a good cry last night. i know....8 months later is a fair amount of time, but some people have such a great impact on our lives that it does take quite a long time to get over them. i know that this particular ex of mine is someone that i will always love. that is not a bad thing. i have faith that i will connect like that with someone again oneday.

 

when i get upset, i know it's because i miss the person who i considered my best friend ever, but at the same time, i feel a great sense of pride in knowing that i have the capacity to feel so much about another human being and that i have so much to offer to the right person.

 

you'll know it's finished when you can sit there and honestly say to yourself, "i don't feel sad at all anymore, and i wouldn't care in the slightest if i bumped into him".

 

my get up and go attitude has been there from the start.

 

i think that is fantastic. so many people wallow, wallow and wallow some more. you are really switched on. i can guarantee you that with your attitude you will attract an amazing guy in the future. you are an inspiration with that attitude.

 

So I don't cry and I don't want to make myself cry. Am I a walking time bomb?

 

no.

 

Is there something maybe that's about to happen, like some kind of cosmic slap in the face to signify to me that it's all really over?

 

no again.

 

we all have our own unique process of dealing with things. some of it is subconcious, some of it conscious. the way you are feeling right now is your unique process of getting over an 8 year relationship. nothing is going to come out and slap you in the face, except maybe a good cry, which can sometimes be unexpected but *very* therapeutic.

 

just go with each different feeling you have and expect yourself to be a bit all over the shop and unsure about things at times. also expect to feel good and sure about things at other times. it's all part of the healing process....just don't worry

 

p.s. if you believe in karma, i feel it will be your ex boyfriend who will get a cosmic slap when he least expects it.

[Lauren]

Some of your reaction might be based upon the length and seriousness of this relationship. You do not express how long it lasted or where you were heading. Do not force yourself to feel anything nor think that you should be having certain feelings. I have always said - feelings ain't right, feelings ain't wrong, they just is; that is what feelings are all about. I know the grammar sucks; it makes the point. Perhaps you will cry at another point down the road when something "hits" you. Perhaps you won't cry. I think the fact that you have been "bubbly" and upbeat since the breakup is great. It means that you are realistic and accept the change as positive. You cannot stress-out about the what-if's nor the idea that maybe somewhere down the road there will be a sudden outburst at realization that it is over. Take your natural steps toward getting over it and moving on - whatever those are for you.

 

I know it's only been about 5 weeks now but I've kept busy with friends and had myself a good time lately. The issue at hand now is that I can't cry over the end of my relationship. I want to and I have these feelings of sadness come over me, like when I see another couple or a movie that is romantic. I just can't cry. I cried a lot during the first two weeks and now, it's like I have the feeling and then it passes and maybe I should be crying but I am not. I am thinking that part of it is that maybe anger has set in? Or acceptance? Or any of those other steps in the process. Maybe I'm nuts for wanting to be over this so soon, but it just seems like the pain is a little more dull. Time and again you guys have told me that I should allow myself to feel sad and not try to rush things and that's exactly what I am doing. I do however go out a lot with friends lately and I am having a good time. In fact, some things like my career and education goals have even improved quite a bit. I am giggly and chatty at times with friends at work. Somebody told me that today, they said I was "giggly" and I thought, "Am I?". I am probably rambling here and I know it sounds boring but I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this so soon. After all, it's only been about five weeks but my get up and go attitude has been there from the start. It's hard to know which one of those little steps or stages I am in because sometimes I feel acceptance over the end of the relationship and then at other times I feel like it's somehow unfinished and in six months or so I'll see him again somewhere.

 

So I don't cry and I don't want to make myself cry. Am I a walking time bomb? Is there something maybe that's about to happen, like some kind of cosmic slap in the face to signify to me that it's all really over? It's times like these where I wish I had one of those "magig 8" balls. Deliver me.

[midori]

Hi Marzipan, Hi Miss Mojo,

 

I completely agree with all that Miss M. wrote, especially this last bit:

p.s. if you believe in karma, i feel it will be your ex boyfriend who will get a cosmic slap when he least expects it.

And I'd just like to add that you are doing so well Marzipan, so very well. There will be ups and downs and unpredictable curves in the road before you, but that's true of everyone's path in life. Look at how self-aware you are, and it seems like you learn more every day. We should all be as thoughtful, strong and kind as you are. I know how you feel about being unable to cry, I frequently felt that way when my boyfriend and I broke up. On other days I could barely pick myself up off the floor from crying so much. As long as you're allowing the emotions you feel to surface and you're not repressing stuff (which you're not because here you are talking about it) then you'll be fine. It's the people who try to brush all bad things under the carpet and carry on without a backward glance that end up tripping over the very big lump under their feet, a lump of their own making.

 

-midori