ManicHayze Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 I will be 19 in a few weeks, and my girlfriend has invited me to move in with her. There are a few problems however. First, I should mention there is an age difference between us. She will be 33 in a few weeks. We have been together for a little over a year now, and she moved off to Nebraska for a job opportunity recently. We still speak on the phone and talk as much as possible, etc. She was going to come down to visit for New Years (she opted to work xmas eve and day so she could get a week off and come visit), and everything was fine. And then she asked me, why don't I come back to Nebraska with her? She lives in a 4 bedroom house, makes all of her payments, and claims she can easily afford living expenses for both of us, however I personally would want to get a job and contribute in some way, no matter how dwarfed it is by her contribution. I wouldn't be giving up anything here, seeing I am now unemployed after the place I was working for had to make "financial decisions" which resulted in my "release". I am not currently attending school either, so really, I have nothing going for me here. The only hitch I have is problems with my father. I know, many people have told me that I'm almost 19, I can make this decision on my own. But, I would rather do it without my father totally flipping. Him and his father stopped talking when he was 17, and they haven't spoke since. I don't want that kind of relationship with him. He is very controlling, and likes having me under his roof, where he still feels he can govern my life (yes, I still obey by his rules seeing I live under his roof, free of rent.). The problem is, I'm not sure how to tell him this, without him completely losing it and getting angry, and me leaving on bad terms with him. I have hinted at the thought of me moving out, and he completely lost it, and ran me on this guilt trip about how he will be alone, etc. I told him he doesn't expect me to live with him forever, and he was actually giving reasons of why I should. I don't know how to tell him I need to move on with my own life, and reassure him it will be alright. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 A parent's job is to turn out independent, fully functioning adults. Not to breed babysitters or caregivers or permanent house companions. If your father refuses to be a matue adult about this, there is little you can do. There is no way you should allow him to guilt you into spending your life with him because he's not able to function as an adult on his own. He needs to learn or he'll be a drain on you till the day he dies. Don't let him use emotional blackmail (the threat of cutting off communications) to control you. People can't make you a doormat unless you lie down. Stand up to him and tell him you are an adult and entitled to a life of your own. Or be prepared to grow up being one of those creepy guys who is still living with daddy in his 40s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManicHayze Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 Follow Up: Well, I would just like to thank you Outcast. I took your advice, and went ahead and did it. I told him I was leaving, and he tried to convince me to stay. But, by the time he returned home the next day, I was already moved out. I think, that's all it took. Since then, we have spoken on the phone a few times, and he is finally comfortable with it. There is no bad blood between us, and I really think it was better for both of us. I am very happy here, and would just like to say thank you for your response It definently hit home for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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