2nd Chance?

[Trinity]

Ok I'll try to make this as short as possible.

 

I have been screwed over many times in the past. Lied too you know things like that.

 

I started to date this new guy and strait up front I told him that I had trust issues w/ guys. Everything was great! We have been dating for a month and a half, and I really thought maybe this would work out. Well he's always told me about his neighbor who is kinda a stalker. Well, today we were both working out and she's yelled at him in the past...and i never understood why. Well why he left the gym i overheard her saying they had dated for 10 months yada yada yada. So I confront him he says nothing about it. Then i see them arguing in the parking lot she leaves i go up to him and say "what is going on?" he said they went to homecoming together and that was it.

 

Well, she comes storming up and starts yelling at me, and says did you tell her we went to prom together and this and this and we f***ed. I started crying and walked away.

 

Next thing i know she shows up at my work w/ a box of stuff of them. He wnats to talk to me, so we go somewhere and talk, he's crying and said he's sorry that he lied and he can't believe he did. He was crying and told all my friends that i was something special...but because of my past this is hard!

 

The thing is I have less than a month before i leave for college...i dont know if it's worth my time to even deal w/ him, and he says it is worth our time.

 

So second chance or not?

[Tony T]

I have read your post five times and I don't see that he has lied to you or has done one thing wrong. This guy is in NO WAY OBLIGATED to tell you of people he has dated in the past.

 

Now, if I had dated this girl I would be extremely embarassed to tell anyone. She is a stalker, a freak, a mentally ill, deranged, immature, selfish, juvenile piece of trash. If anything, you should be upset that your guy would have even given her the time of day.

 

However, your guy warned you of her and he had NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER over the absolutely insane behavior she exhibited. Everything she did was inappropriate, out of line, devoid of good taste and manners, etc.

 

I think this guy ought to STOP DATING YOU because here you are holding matters against him which he had NOTHING TO DO WITH. Do you do this to everybody???

 

Now, maybe she wasn't as crazy when he started to date her but she's extremely insane now. Frankly, I think you should report her to state authorities. I think she needs immediate psychiatric attention at a state mental hospital.

 

Again, your post gives not one instance where he lied to you. It does say he went off and cried and apologized to you for lying...but you don't say what he lied about. In every instance he just said nothing, according to your post. He only failed to say anything about this girl when asked. If I was asked about this freak girl, I would not have said anything either.

 

If, in fact, he did lie about ever dating this girl...I DON'T BLAME HIM. She would be any guys nightmare and someone a guy would want to delete from his entire life. I would deny every knowing her until I died. But I would warn about her, which he did.

 

So if you know of anything this guy has done to stop you from trusting him, come back and print it here. But for now, you have no case in the world. If your guy has treated you kindly, you ought to hold onto him. You also need to learn to weigh evidence and use much better judgement. You also need to learn not to judge one person by another's behavior. I say all this because, again, in your post you did not mention ONE SINGLE INSTANCE when he lied to you...only that he made no comment. Not answering someone is not a lying. Give the guy a break...he was embarassed as hell for even knowing this freak lady.

 

You are lucky if this guy wants to keep seeing you. You are wrong here. Let him know you are extremely sorry for holding in in appropriate behavior of this crazy girl against him. That's about as logical as me blaming you for war overseas.

 

Get your head on straight. And remember, this guy was absolutely being kind to the both of you by not revealing anything about this girl or his involvement with her. He had no obligation to do that and he still doesn't. As long as he is loyal to you, he doesn't need to tell you anything about his past, particularly when he makes such a tragic mistake as dating a crazy person.

 

You are the one who owes him an apology.

[Miss Mojo]

hi trinity,

 

i just want to ask you something.....did all this stuff happen with this girl, while you were seeing this guy?

 

if all of this happened before you met him, then you really have nothing to worry about. he did the right thing by not talking about it to you because it's in his past and it has nothing to do with you. if whatever this guy had with this girl was before you met, then he didn't lie. so what if he shagged her....it was before you guys got together. he was actually being smart by not talking about something that has nothing to do with your relationship with him. my guess is she is still hung up on him, and is trying to hurt him through you.

 

now, if his little fling with little-miss-nutcase-stalker was still happening when you were together, then no, he does not deserve a second chance. that is abuse of trust and you made it clear that you don't want to trust too easily. you'd be a sucker to go back to him.

 

this is only going to be hard if you tolerate this woman's crap. you need to up-front with him and ask him to honestly tell you why this other girl was acting like this. there's every chance that he doesn't know how to respond to a girl who is acting like her and it upsets him.

 

if it's simply a case of her being jealous that you have what she wants, then give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a second chance.

 

try not to let such a twat chick come between you if this truly is in his past.

 

good luck

[little d]

Hi Trinity

 

He may feel embarassed (as he should) for dating this phsyco

 

but if she's a neighbour and he knows there could be/or is contact between you and her he could at least have warned you. It's obvious he knows her head isn't on straight.

 

It sounds like you brought it up a few times and you had every right to, it was then his turn to be straight out that this girl could cause problems and serious ones. Track you at work, yell at you in the street, the gym, your boyfriend knew this chick wasn't going to back off and there was going to be a problem, he didn't lie but he didn't fess up either.

 

I feel bad for this guy for his situation and he needs to do something about it. It's not his fault this girl is crazy and stalking him and it sounds as though he is sorry for it.

 

He screwed up, people do that.

 

If you feel he is sincere I'd give him another chance. Just make sure he knows to be honest with you.

 

Good luck

 

d

 

 

 

Ok I'll try to make this as short as possible.

 

I have been screwed over many times in the past. Lied too you know things like that. I started to date this new guy and strait up front I told him that I had trust issues w/ guys. Everything was great! We have been dating for a month and a half, and I really thought maybe this would work out. Well he's always told me about his neighbor who is kinda a stalker. Well, today we were both working out and she's yelled at him in the past...and i never understood why. Well why he left the gym i overheard her saying they had dated for 10 months yada yada yada. So I confront him he says nothing about it. Then i see them arguing in the parking lot she leaves i go up to him and say "what is going on?" he said they went to homecoming together and that was it. Well, she comes storming up and starts yelling at me, and says did you tell her we went to prom together and this and this and we f***ed. I started crying and walked away. Next thing i know she shows up at my work w/ a box of stuff of them. He wnats to talk to me, so we go somewhere and talk, he's crying and said he's sorry that he lied and he can't believe he did. He was crying and told all my friends that i was something special...but because of my past this is hard! The thing is I have less than a month before i leave for college...i dont know if it's worth my time to even deal w/ him, and he says it is worth our time. So second chance or not?

[Trinity]

Tony,

 

I just read what I wrote and it doesn't make sense. When i said, "I asked him about the 10 month thing and he said nothing about it" I dont know why I wrote that, I asked him in the Gym "Did you date her" and he goes "No, that girl is pyscho" Then later I asked him "what was up?" and he said "I took her to homecoming and thats that, thats it" He didn't mention anything else. So I don't know, to me that's lying.

[Tony T]

You still haven't made a case for him lying. Try again. He told you he took her to homecoming and that was it. Do you have proof, beyond the word of a crazy person, that there was actually a dating experience going on?

 

Good proof would be the word of several people who knew the two of them for a period of time while they were dating and have first had knowledge that they were dating...actually saw them out repeatedly. If these witnesses say they did, in fact, date in a serious fashion for a period of time then he did lie.

 

If he did lie, ask him why he did that. Confront him with the evidence you have. I'm sure seeing her was the biggest mistake in his life and he would be highly embarassed to admit that to anybody. She is a perfect lunatic!!!

[Trinity]

Tony,

I saw the prom pictures, and he admitted they had sex. He said they were never "together" but he said he did really care about her and such. He said they did do things from Oct to May, and he said he broke up w/ her in May so thats telling me right there they did date.

I'm just having a hard time with this because he didn't tell me the truth. We talked last night about it, and he admitted everything, but I have less than a month, can you honestly gain back trust in a month? It's just getting out of hand, today she called my house, asking me all these questions, I guess she called the cops on him and such, I honestly don't know what to do. I called him and talked to him today, I told him ya I'd give him the 2nd chance, I just don't know within less than a month if it would be how it was. Tony I've been heartbroken in the past...I'm just looking for some advice, he seems like a good guy, but is it worth it for less than a month?

[Tony T]

Well, finally, in this post you made things pretty clear...finally.

 

I think this guy hasn't been up front with you and has subjected you to a lot of humiliation from his ex you didn't need.

 

I'm really sorry this happened but I see nothing good coming of this. This guy's got to learn to be more honest, forthright and upfront in matters of the heart.

 

Dust him and move on down the road. Be strong. We've all been there...but, when you insist on the best you will get it. This guy doesn't even come close.