thinking of breaking NC after nearly 2 months!

[JS17]

I was refering to the dumper never asking what they should do, if they should go back to the person they dumped. It just doesn't really seem to happen.

[Art_Critic]

I was refering to the dumper never asking what they should do, if they should go back to the person they dumped. It just doesn't really seem to happen.

 

 

ahhh.. well that is easy.. if the dumper wants someone back they just contact the dumpee..

 

They know that they will be taken back..

[Lonestar]

Did you ever notice that we never get people on here who have broken up with someone but decide down the road that they want to get back together?

 

Not true. I broke up with someone while a member of LS and then wanted to get back with him. I actually did.... thing is I got hurt again. I should've realized there was a reason (duh) I broke up with him before. I don't post much about my love life on LS anymore.

[Lonestar]

I was refering to the dumper never asking what they should do, if they should go back to the person they dumped. It just doesn't really seem to happen.

 

It does, but here's why I didn't ask. I had already posted many things he had done to either directly or indirectly hurt me when we were last together. If I suddently turned around and started posting that i wanted him back and should I go back, a majority of people here would have slapped me upside the head. So, since, I knew what I was about to do was stupid, I kept it a secret.

[JS17]

It does, but here's why I didn't ask. I had already posted many things he had done to either directly or indirectly hurt me when we were last together. If I suddently turned around and started posting that i wanted him back and should I go back, a majority of people here would have slapped me upside the head. So, since, I knew what I was about to do was stupid, I kept it a secret.

Funny, I do the SAME THING!!! However I let enough people in my life and on PM here kick enough sense in me to stop me from doing something stupid.

[Lonestar]

Funny, I do the SAME THING!!! However I let enough people in my life and on PM here kick enough sense in me to stop me from doing something stupid.

 

I'll bet there's plenty of us who are guilty of this tactic

[CaliGuy]

6 months is a long time and im sure she would think "what a prick, cant even call to wish a merry x-mas" i didnt call her last month on her birthday and i was reamed.

 

Exactly how did she 'ream' you? She dumped you then had the audacity to bitch about you not sending her a birthday card?

 

Good Sir, do you not see the problem here???

 

 

i know its not important what she thinks

 

Exactly. Who cares what she thinks?! Don't send her a card or do anything. She broke it off, you need to move on and leave her be. You've been 5 of 6 months of contact where you should have stuck to straight NC. By sticking around as a 'friend' you are only serving to delay your healing.

 

If an ex reamed me for not sending her a birthday card after she dumped me I'd just laugh about it and delete the email because I wouldn't dare break NC.

 

 

...but seriously. when will my feelings change.

 

When you decide you are worthy of being loved by someone who's as much into you as you are her. Your ex seems to care about her own feelings but not yours. Really, is that someone you want to be with??

[In Sync]

When you decide you are worthy of being loved by someone who's as much into you as you are...into them

 

Beautifully put (I took the liberty to add... into them). My self worth is what doing NC has opened my eyes to. The road was hard as hell, but while doing it, each illusion I built around my "X" dropped away one by one. I was blinded by my own heartache to think that sorry relationship was the best I could expect and I would go back to him regardless...this is how distorted the mind becomes when you are in pain and denial, you accept any crap treatment from the same person who dumped you. Yes, NC is a B**CH to do, but it will not kill you. What will evetually destroy you if you don't do it, is the slow erosion of your pride and dignity and self esteem.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

"Something to think about.. she broke it off with you.. it's up to her to offer the first olive branch"

 

true i know what you mean... she never wanted to totally break contact with me though... like she still asked me to come down to the 'sessions' and play music with her, it wasn't f*** off and i never want contact again

 

"Just your peace of mind and any progress you have made getting over her."

 

to be honest i haven't made any, i'm still madly in love with her

 

"I don't know the situation surrounding the break up but I don't know that it really matters. You may not 'rest' until you do this so, contact her. Understand that if you get no response that it's your q to resign yourself.

 

Sometimes in life 'No pain, No gain' "

 

i feel the same way, i am looking for an answer, she didn't speak to me for long regarding our breakup so she has left me in limboland!

 

"I also struggle with thinking why hasn't she contacted me, but it's not worth it. What if you find out that she's seeing some new guy and probably having sex with him? You'll probably feel a lot worse. The healing process takes time. Two months is a good start but is probably not the end of your healing process. Just give yourself more time. Don't set yourself up for more heartache! Best of luck!"

 

yes that would do my head in but i can't feel any worse, I just never got to say what i feel in my heart for her!

 

"If your not talking at all anyways I dont know how much farther you can push someone. If you feel you have to tell her expect to get shot down all over again, personally I suggest you don't but you gotta do what you gotta do. Your prob doin a lil better than when it first happened, but if you go for it and get shot down or ignored, and this is almost certainly what will happen, you will feel like day 1 again"

 

i'm still at day1, trust me! i don't think i would push her 'further away', i haven't contacted her at all, not bothered her at all... nothing! as hard as it has been!

 

"By contacting them, you are eliminating ALL possibility of them wondering about you. Mystery is a fabulous thing to work in your favor if you do it right. Being mysterious keeps people interested and it keeps them wondering. Hence, not sending any messages to them to "check in" or "wish them ___" or "remind them" or whatever other reason you can possibily conjure up (lets face it, no matter how you play the card, its the same in each situation...the point is youre contacting them despite them totally ignoring you for god only knows how long)."

 

i can't be mysterious without giving my life up... she is in the same social circle as me... although i have been reluctantly avoiding the specific venues i know she will be in i.e. bumped into one of her best friends on Sunday night, i'm sure he told her about me being there and what i was like!

 

some of you asked what qualities i couldn't find in another girl... well for a start I absolutely love her with all my heart and did so right from the start, she is beautiful and immensely talented... the list goes on! i've met 100's girls and noone is like her so don't ask me that again! i'm not going to ask myself what did i see in her a year from now! i know it!

 

"But look, if you are still in love with her and want to get her back, there is no reason why you can't tell her that (BUT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS). So much time has past that she may still have feelings for you, but she's uncomfortable saying anything. You may never know unless you say something."

 

this is why i want to contact her again

[heartnsoul]

"If only I had....." Is a crappy way to live! Screw NC!! I say take the chance. If it doesn't turn out the way you would've hoped....you have one thing to carry you thru the rest of your life and that is "I GAVE IT A SHOT"

[In Sync]

"Something to think about.. she broke it off with you.. it's up to her to offer the first olive branch"

 

true i know what you mean... she never wanted to totally break contact with me though... like she still asked me to come down to the 'sessions' and play music with her, it wasn't f*** off and i never want contact again

 

"Just your peace of mind and any progress you have made getting over her."

 

to be honest i haven't made any, i'm still madly in love with her

 

"I don't know the situation surrounding the break up but I don't know that it really matters. You may not 'rest' until you do this so, contact her. Understand that if you get no response that it's your q to resign yourself.

 

Sometimes in life 'No pain, No gain' "

 

i feel the same way, i am looking for an answer, she didn't speak to me for long regarding our breakup so she has left me in limboland!

 

"I also struggle with thinking why hasn't she contacted me, but it's not worth it. What if you find out that she's seeing some new guy and probably having sex with him? You'll probably feel a lot worse. The healing process takes time. Two months is a good start but is probably not the end of your healing process. Just give yourself more time. Don't set yourself up for more heartache! Best of luck!"

 

yes that would do my head in but i can't feel any worse, I just never got to say what i feel in my heart for her!

 

"If your not talking at all anyways I dont know how much farther you can push someone. If you feel you have to tell her expect to get shot down all over again, personally I suggest you don't but you gotta do what you gotta do. Your prob doin a lil better than when it first happened, but if you go for it and get shot down or ignored, and this is almost certainly what will happen, you will feel like day 1 again"

 

i'm still at day1, trust me! i don't think i would push her 'further away', i haven't contacted her at all, not bothered her at all... nothing! as hard as it has been!

 

"By contacting them, you are eliminating ALL possibility of them wondering about you. Mystery is a fabulous thing to work in your favor if you do it right. Being mysterious keeps people interested and it keeps them wondering. Hence, not sending any messages to them to "check in" or "wish them ___" or "remind them" or whatever other reason you can possibily conjure up (lets face it, no matter how you play the card, its the same in each situation...the point is youre contacting them despite them totally ignoring you for god only knows how long)."

 

i can't be mysterious without giving my life up... she is in the same social circle as me... although i have been reluctantly avoiding the specific venues i know she will be in i.e. bumped into one of her best friends on Sunday night, i'm sure he told her about me being there and what i was like!

 

some of you asked what qualities i couldn't find in another girl... well for a start I absolutely love her with all my heart and did so right from the start, she is beautiful and immensely talented... the list goes on! i've met 100's girls and noone is like her so don't ask me that again! i'm not going to ask myself what did i see in her a year from now! i know it!

 

"But look, if you are still in love with her and want to get her back, there is no reason why you can't tell her that (BUT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS). So much time has past that she may still have feelings for you, but she's uncomfortable saying anything. You may never know unless you say something."

 

this is why i want to contact her again

 

 

Since you are coming up with all kinds of benign reasons a.k.a. silly excuses to call her...My Question:

"WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED HER ALREADY??!!!"

[Zetter]

RBHW, I have the same thoughts - primarily 1) what do i have to lose 2) i've not made any progress in 4 months.

 

I realized that I did make progress. I went to work for 2 months and stared out the window in the beginning. I lost about 15 pounds and couldn't sleep. I didn't do anything. Now I'm at least looking and talking to other women with a tiny bit of interest on my part. I'm having a little bit of fun, and I'm eating and sleeping again. I still think about her and I still lose it once in a while, but I can focus on other things with thoughts of her not consuming me but rather flowing in and out of my mind. The thing I keep remembering is that I had these same thoughts about another girl I dated for 5 years before my wife and I never look back and think what might have been with her. You and I will both move on and find someone again...but it still is very painful and very I spend too much time thinking about everything.

 

Secondly, I didn't contact her for about 10 days. Then I thought "what do I have to lose?" I already lost her, she told me several times that she wanted a divorce (we were separated), and so how bad could it be if I did tell her how much I felt for her and how different things could be? I thought that if I didn't try, I would never know. The result is that I'm glad I did tell her everything. It did not change the situation one bit. It didn't push her further away that I know of, but it certainly didn't bring us closer together. I think you should tell her for your sanity to know that you tried, and then leave it at that. And by that I mean to tell her in your letter or email or whatever that this is the last time you reach out for her because you are moving on. My feeling is it leaves her with a sense of knowing how much you care and are willing to try, and if you don't contact her again you will be seen as a strong person. And you will be a strong person. I think I've watched too much Dr. Phil. Anyway, those are my thoughts, right or wrong.

[CaliGuy]

Sure, you might get peace of mind if you contact the ex, but if you were clingy or suffocated them, any contact will be the nail in the hammer of whatever chance you had left, if you indeed want another chance.

 

Ex's need to miss you to begin rekindling those old feelings. As long as you're hanging around you are reminded them of the things they didn't like about you. When you take an extended break (3-6 months) they have time to start remembering the good things about you. That is unless you were just too far off the edge, then nothing you can do can change their opinion of you.

 

In terms of self-respect and dignity I would recommend not contacting the ex. They will make contact with you if they are interested. In the meantime as long as you maintain NC you are healing yourself. The benefits of sticking to NC are simply a) You heal yourself and b) If the ex wants to come back, it'll be on your terms.

 

Yes, the Ex needs to initiate contact and if you were good to them and they remember the good times, they might just do that. If they are with someone else though it's doubtful.

 

In the case of my ex she made contact after our first breakup because she was single and lonely. I should have been smart enough to capitalize on that and not go back into the 'we're dating again mode', that's where I screwed up.

 

I'm confident she'll contact me again. I mean when a woman says to you 'No one has ever treated me as well as you have, I've never had such great sex, etc' they just don't forget that. The first moron that treats them like crap you'll start to look good again.

 

Just don't make the same mistake I did which is to forget all I learned here and go back into 'insecure' mode. Had I just been myself and confident she would have been all over me.

[sick of it]

you know, its funny. Ive been doing NC in the hopes of feeling better. I still want her back and im sure i always will. but im doing NC so i feel better about me. Im sure everyone doing NC wishes for their ex to secretly contact them. just to show them that they still think about you or care. ive been doing that. maybe not wishing for for a phone call, but sad that i havent gotten one.

When my ex and i last talked she told me she wouldnt be calling me and she didnt want me to call her. "happy early birthday and merry christmas"...this was a month ago. so naturally i havent expected a phone call. i got one yesterday.

So naturally im excited that she called. she is still thinking about me. but now my brain starts working overtime. is this good? am i on her mind a lot? are there problems with her and her new guy? is she starting to miss me?

or...

im retarded, just take it for what it is. shes just wishing you a merry christmas. you were a big part of her life and she hasnt forgotten you.

i find it very hard to be mad at her when she will make a rule and then break it to be nice. "we're not talking"..."merry christmas". it bothers me that i just couldnt call on her birthday for obvious reasons. and she gets upset with it (because shes not hurting the way i was) but shes fine calling me now...its a pain in the a$$.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

well in the bar on christmas night i sent her a neutral text and i didn't get or i still don't expect any response

 

i met her brother the other night and he was so kind to me (although didn't mention his sister ) and he asked me around to a place where he and his sister were! i said i couldn't go and he asked me to call him to go out sometime ( same phone number as he lives with her )

 

i just wish she would have responded in some way and wished me luck or at least said merry christmas!

[Art_Critic]

i just wish she would have responded in some way and wished me luck or at least said merry christmas!

 

that is why you should not have sent the neutral text.. you were expecting a response and it hurts that she doesn't want to contact you..

I feel for you.. but you need to let her go for now..

[CaliGuy]

that is why you should not have sent the neutral text.. you were expecting a response and it hurts that she doesn't want to contact you..

I feel for you.. but you need to let her go for now..

 

Exactly. The first two emails the ex sent me didn't even warrant a response. It was just basically nonsense.

 

The last one she sent me ended with '....let me know.'

 

I still haven't let her know

 

If you send something without a quest or asking for a response chances are you won't get one. You sent something neutral hoping it would tempt her to write and when she didn't, you were crushed.

 

Don't set yourself up for that kind of hurt. She can't miss you if you're not gone. Let her see what it's like to not have you in her life. If she is ever going to come around it will be when you've truly let her go.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

"I feel for you.. but you need to let her go for now.."

 

god this is so impossible, as i've said before I haven't bothered her at all, that was the 1st text and i don't feel worse for her not responding

 

i want to get out of the house tonight so i'm going out all by myself, i only know one place that i know people and i know 1/2 the bar who also knows her so?

[sanne]

hey gilmour, ease up there pal. i've done 4 solid months of NC and can tell you that I am 100% better. i've gone through all of the same emotions you have, and trust me getting through this is not easy. if it were, there wouldn't be whole message boards dedicated to it.

 

i can sense that in your heart your not ready to let go. in your mind, you wan't to let go of her and be a free man, but your heart isn't ready to do it. the thing is you've done 2 months of NC, and believe me that's a lot of work. do you want to risk ruining all that work for what could amount to nothing?

 

i'm glad you haven't broken down and made contact yet, I'm hoping you won't succumb to that. there are so many women out there for you, you just have to open yourself up to the idea that your ex no longer exists anymore. she only exists in your head at this point, and you have to find a way to make her disappear. best of luck man, i hope it all turns out ok.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

i sent her a new text tonight saying that happy new year , but its a pity we don't speak at all anymore after all the fun we had

 

if she doesn't respond to this then when i see her i can't even speak to her unfortunately!

 

"i can sense that in your heart your not ready to let go. in your mind, you wan't to let go of her and be a free man, but your heart isn't ready to do it. the thing is you've done 2 months of NC, and believe me that's a lot of work. do you want to risk ruining all that work for what could amount to nothing?"

 

exactly right this is my dilemma

 

i reckon another 2 months of NC and i still won't feel better though and I KNOW for certain that i will see her at some point as i explained before she is hard for me to avoid

[wendel1]

Man, i cant believe you sent ANOTHER text wishing her happy new year eve :eek:

 

You are appearing so needy and clingy..........I am going through exactly the same as you....cmon mate no more....enough is enough..let her wonder about YOU now, not the other way round. She broke YOUR heart, right?

[johan]

"i can sense that in your heart your not ready to let go. in your mind, you wan't to let go of her and be a free man, but your heart isn't ready to do it. the thing is you've done 2 months of NC, and believe me that's a lot of work. do you want to risk ruining all that work for what could amount to nothing?"

 

exactly right this is my dilemma

 

I don't agree this is a dilemma. You have one choice to make. The fact is sooner or later you'll make the right one, but better sooner than later. Trust everyone here, who have all felt what you're feeling. Texting, emailing, calling, seeing, talking to her, etc.: it's all going to just delay the amount of time it takes you to feel better about yourself.

 

It's one choice: when do you stop thinking of her and your past and start thinking of yourself and your future? Who is going to take care of you if you don't? One thing is for sure, she's thinking of herself and not you. I think you seemed to be doing better, then you sent that message. Now you're back at square one, or maybe you aren't even in as good a shape as you were at square one.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

I don't agree this is a dilemma. You have one choice to make. The fact is sooner or later you'll make the right one, but better sooner than later. Trust everyone here, who have all felt what you're feeling. Texting, emailing, calling, seeing, talking to her, etc.: it's all going to just delay the amount of time it takes you to feel better about yourself.

 

It's one choice: when do you stop thinking of her and your past and start thinking of yourself and your future? Who is going to take care of you if you don't? One thing is for sure, she's thinking of herself and not you. I think you seemed to be doing better, then you sent that message. Now you're back at square one, or maybe you aren't even in as good a shape as you were at square one.

 

trust me i wasn't doing better!!!!!!!!!! i never moved off square one and i needed to try and comminicate!

 

in the past i had stayed in contact with exes, heard something from them then i was able to move on, its worse when you hear nothing at all!

 

i heard from a good source that she wasn't seeing anyone else just a few days ago so i thought i'll stay in touch

 

i received a text last night at 3am but to be honest i'm afraid to look at it and haven't yet! but i will have to sometime, it's probably not her but i'm afraid anyway!

 

i'll just have to plough on and go out drinking with friends and not date anybody, it still feels like square 1 but its better than sitting in alone!!!!!

 

especially as i live alone!

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

i still haven't checked my mobile

 

if i get the courage to look later i don't know what to expect

 

i don't get many texts

[chocolate_boy]

i still haven't checked my mobile

 

if i get the courage to look later i don't know what to expect

 

i don't get many texts

 

At least check, it might not even be from her.