Send ex a holiday email or not?

[masie]

OK, I have a crazy idea. I want to break NC with a guy for two reasons--because I want to ensure he’s doing well and for closure.

 

I thought about sending him a Merry Christmas email as part of my group mailing list. I NEVER do these type of emails but thought I would do it just this once. He has always responded, I don’t know if he would this time. He might feel obligated or think, “what is she doing?”

 

Funny, even if he doesn’t respond, I’ll be OK. I just feel like our 5 month relationship had many obstacles and we overcame all but the final one--which was his career unhappiness and my concerns over family issues. He was open with me, I wasn’t so open with him. I told him I cared and he seemed thrilled. He just has been quite shy and confused about his career, which is important to men, I hear.

 

I think I have three choices:

1) I send a stupid “merry Christmas” email to him only and make it personal

2) I send one that’s generic and include all my friends

3) I do nothing

4) other suggestions

 

Let’s just say, I feel like I can turn the page on this relationship if he outright says I don’t like you! (But he always said he liked me!) Then, he went out of town for two weeks and, him being a guy who likes a woman to lead the relationship, returned from the trip and didn’t contact me back, though he said he would.

 

I miss the man, even for his flaws and he was very nice to me til the end, but to disappear? ??? I really should be over him, it’s been 2 months.

 

My friend said maybe he was scared by the thought that there was a connection between us.

 

Maybe on his trip he realized he didn’t want me in his life. That’s fine, but I need to hear it. That would stomp on my heart instead of my poor heart holding out because of a lack of information.

 

I'm in my mid-20s and a grad student, yet, I’m feeling so dumb. It might just be the holidays.

 

This is a guy I think could be “the one” -- I think we had a misunderstanding that may have doomed us.

 

Of course, silence says a lot. Help!!

 

Thanks.

[J dub]

I dont really see a point in sending any kind of greetings because he just disappeared I mean, how disrespectful can you get? Do you really want to extend a nice gesture to someone who threw you to the wolves without even having the deceny and respect for your relationship to officially end it?

 

Besides, if he doesnt respond you WILL be upset, otherwise you wouldnt be sending it. And when he doesnt respond, youre going to be back at day 1 with this whole "why isnt he contacting me back" issue.

 

Let him go, it sucks but he clearly has no interest. Perhaps he met someone while gone, who knows. The point that matters is that youre worrying about him and he's already moved on. The train youre waiting for has already left the station. Dont waste your time...

[masie]

Yeah, that was disrespectful of him to not stay in touch when he said he would. Oddly, I half-expected it.

 

Now my friends are trying to set me up with other guys, but I've said to them. I need to be alone until I can get over this one guy. Have dated since him, but am feeling really "stuck"! Some days are worse than others.

 

I could be fine if he doesn't contact me, don't expect him to. Have no expectations, really. But I just want to extend a net to everyone I care about and just wish them a nice holiday. He really doesn't deserve it, but then again, I may be too forgiving and too nice.

 

Thanks for the advice. If I send the email, I'll let you know. For now, I won't.

 

Just really want to

[Natalie05]

Don't contact him - you'll regret it.

[masie]

I've come to the conclusion that if we're meant to be, it'll happen. It would have to be divine intervention though! I don't think either of us were truly ready for a relationship with one another, as we're both workaholics and social-aholics--always doing stuff out and about.

 

I won't send the email, I'll write it just to get the words out, but I won't send it.

[Art_Critic]

I won't send the email, I'll write it just to get the words out, but I won't send it.

 

Props to ya.. great attitude

[masie]

It's very hard though! I meet AWFUL men, old, losers, die-hard immature partiers who behave irrationally. This guy was the first, most different, most decent man in my age group!

 

But even if we were together, we're almost too perfect a match. That NEVER works, LOL!

[J dub]

It's very hard though! I meet AWFUL men, old, losers, die-hard immature partiers who behave irrationally. This guy was the first, most different, most decent man in my age group!

Ah, but the saying "you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince" surely accomodates your situation.

 

Nobody said it was easy...