why did my ex's mother call me???

[renaissancewoman101]

This is a strange update to my situation. It has been three months since my ex broke up with me (we were together for two years). My ex is a mama's boy who is also a teenager at heart and refuses to grow up. He still hangs out with teenaged friends and he is 32 years old. He still collects toys, stuffed animals, and acts like a teenager. He also drinks too much and smokes too much. Our breakup was kinda nasty because I wanted him back for quite a while and he found a new gf. The first time we broke up, his mom helped to get us back together. This time, I tried everything but he didnt want to get back to me. Instead he found a new gf that is 18 years old.

 

I am now on the verge of moving out to San Diego to start my life over again. And to forget about the ex and move on with my life, and I get this weird phone call.

 

Today, as I was driving, I got a weird phone call from the ex's mother. The last time I had seen her was two weeks ago when I went out with the ex to go out to dinner and see a movie. We had to go back to the house and check out movie times, and she was there with his dad. She was friendly to me and asked me a weird question about why I was moving away.

 

Today, she calls me and asks me how I am doing. She also tells me that she wants to keep in touch with me and for me to keep in touch with her, even though I am moving away. She tells me that she thinks her son, my ex, still has feelings for me and that I should give it some time, keep in touch with her, and keep some limited contact with him, and that he will come back to me. She tells me that he misses me a lot and that he has mentioned to me that he is going to miss me now that I am moving away for good. Her comment was : I guess he misses what is gone or going to be gone. Absence makes the heart grow fonder". She asked me how I was doing and when I am moving away, where I am moving too, etc. She also wanted my parents' phone number so she could get in touch with me if need be. She told me that she thinks my ex still has feelings for me because he is sad I am leaving and he has talked to her about our breakup and how sad he was that it happened. She told me that she was upset that he broke up with me because she thinks of all his past gfs, I have cared about him the most and I have been the most together of all his gfs. She tells me that she wishes that I had ended up being her daughter in law, because she thinks I was good for him and am good for him. She knows I love him a lot and still care about him. She tells me that he still cares about me.

 

I told her that if he cared about me, then why did he find a new gf. She told me that he always likes to have a girl on his arms, but she is nothing, and if I clean up my life (by getting rid of my gay best friend), there is a big chance he will come back to me, because one of his biggest hangups with me was that I was too close with my gay best friend (who is also my first ex). She told me that, like all guys, her son likes to be the center of attention and wanted to be the center of my life. She thinks that if I clean up parts of my life, I can get him back and she will help me (she helped me patch up our relationship, the first time he took a break from me). She told me that she knows it will take time for me to get my life in order but that if I keep in contact with her, and limited contact with him, there is a BIG possibility that he may come back to me.

 

She did ask me about how my life was going, when I was moving out to San Diego, and about my job situation. I told her that I had taken a job out there that will also provide me with the opportunity to come back to their area on and off for meeting since they are headquartered there. She seemed to like that. She wants me to keep in touch with them.

 

BTW, she also knows about the abortion I had in April because, one night, when my ex was drunk, he told her about it and about how sad he was about it, and about our relationship. She did tell me that she wishes I had gone to her and told her about it, before I had the abortion because she would have talked to me about it and maybe convince me to keep it,

 

I am not sure what to do now. I am on the precipice of moving out to San Diego and am excited and happy about the move, but her call has unnerved me a lot since it brought up a lot of memories, feelings, and hopes that i had been trying to forget for a long time.

[J dub]

I think, perhaps, you are having the rosy-syndrome of remembering the past for better than what it really was.

 

You have to ask yourself: are you willing to give up one of YOUR friends because this man is insecure and cannot handle/accept it? Will you be resentful in time because you'll eventually see him for being selfish, or will you be able to look past his insecurities about this friend?

 

Also, do you REALLY want to be with a guy who, as you said, is "a mama's boy who is also a teenager at heart and refuses to grow up. He still hangs out with teenaged friends and he is 32 years old. He still collects toys, stuffed animals, and acts like a teenager. He also drinks too much and smokes too much" AND is currently with an 18 yr old?

 

If I were you I would be concerned that maybe his mom just likes the idea of him being with you than this other girl, so in a desperate attempt to keep you in his life she tried to "remind" you of the relationship so as to prevent you from moving away and severing all possibilities of coming back to him. That, obviously is my concern and maybe you dont see it that way...

 

I just see this as a potential problem because you already broke up twice. He is with someone else. AND his MOM is trying to get you back...it just doesnt add up to a healthy relationship in your future. I think your current situation of moving away is much more positive and has a multitude of possibilities rather than hanging on to this "boy". Pardon my term, but I think you sound like you are much better than this...

[renaissancewoman101]

Jdub, I do miss my ex A LOT. It has just been recently that I have finally begun to get over him. After realizing that there really was no way for me to get him to come back to me, I finally decided to move on with my life by getting a new job and moving to a new town (San Diego) so I could be closer to my parents and so I could start my new life over again.

 

The weird thing is that I had finally started to give up hope and was moving on with my life when my ex's mother called me yesterday. That was weird. In the beginning, I had written a letter to my ex's mother and tried to call her, all in the hopes of asking her to help me intercede with me to her son to come back to me. Problem is, with this recent breakup, when I decided to try and get in contact with his mother, she had gone out of town for a month. During that month I sent the letter. I had no idea she was gone until I met up with my ex to pick up something I left at the house. The first time we broke up, I went to her right away and she had a talk with her son and he came back. I have never told her that I got in contact with his mother. His mom, before we ever even broke up, has pulled me aside before and told me that she thinks I am the best thing that has ever happened to her son and that she is happy I was part of the family. She even mentioned that last night, that she wished I could be her daughter in law.

 

I just dont get why his mom wanted my parents' phone number. She has my cell number and I dont plan on changing it even though I am moving. She did mention about my ex needing to grow up and go back to school and to pay me back the money he owes me. (Apparently she knows about that too)

 

I know the mother is surprised that I am moving away. She always wanted me to stay with her son and she went out of her way many times to try and make sure I felt comfortable around them and around her son. She thinks her son is incapable of taking care of himself and she wanted me to take care of him because I have it more together than he does, meaning I have a good job, a car, a place of my own, etc.

 

Right now, I am not sure what I want to do. I do want to move away to San Diego to start my life over again and that is what I am going to do. I think my ex was too immature for me, so I am moving on. It is hard to do, and the fact that she called me so close to my move date has scared me a lot and worried me because I still do have feelings for him and moving away from here hurts since it means I am closing the book on this.