hbeezee Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Some may have read a few of my other posts about this woman. I think I'm at my wits end... We met, fell in love, dreamt about the future, and saw each other as often as we could (long distance thing... but we see each other for a week at a time 2 times a month)... Things were perfect as they could be for being long distance. All of a sudden, she began having flashbacks and dreams of her ex who was abusive... they were together for 2 years but had been broken up for the last year. She began to turn cold toward me, and think about her past. Holidays are here... I went to see her for Thanksgiving. Stayed 10 days. Surprised her on the first day.. we made love that night.. AMAZING!!! The next 9 days... NOTHING! She cried herself to sleep because she kept thinking of this a**h*** from her past. I couldnt show any romance or intimacy toward her... she wouldnt accept it. But she still told me with tears in her eyes that she loved me and she had to clear her head. Told me over and over how she hated living alone and she was going to move home. I used to talk her to sleep at night so she felt like I was there. Fastforward a month. Last week, ex sent a large bouquet of flowers to her work with a card saying "best wishes for the holidays" and "hope you are doing well" She tells me about it and I knew from that moment that something was wrong. She wouldnt talk to me, and was colder than ever. I could get no feeling whatsoever out of her. Yet, she still said she loved me. Found out 2 days later that she was contacting him. Found out from her mother actually (who hates this other guy because of how he abused her)... my GF wouldnt even tell me. When I confronted her one night and told her that I knew, she still denied it. Funny thing is, with the help of her mother, I read the first email she sent where she gave him her number so they could talk. I'm in Los Angeles, and she is in the Midwest. I have already booked a flight for her to come to LA for New Years... we planned this 2 months ago. Now she is having doubts as to if she wants to come out... claims she will have too much on her mind. Here is what is making me sick... She tells me that she needs time to herself. Doesnt want to talk to me that much anymore so she can clear her head. But she continues to chat with this ex (who lives in the same town by the way)... not fair to me at all. The last 2 nights she has made herself very scarce. Her family has no idea what she is doing, and she doesnt answer her phone at night. I cant call her because she wont answer... claims she turns her ringer off at night... (which she did when I was there so I guess thats alright) I haven't talked her to sleep in a week. She hasn't mentioned living alone bothering her in a while. Even thought about keeping her lease longer. I havent talked to her for more than 5 minutes in the last 2 days. I am giving her space and time and yet I know deep in my heart that she is probably with this guy. I hope I am wrong... this guy used to hit her and scream at her and treat her so badly that she had pannic attacks and went on medication. (which she has been off since before I met her) She had made it very known in the past that she would NEVER get back with him and that she hated his very existence. However with one nice gesture (the flowers) she is back to talking to him... after a year of being apart. Is there any possibility that she could be trying to get closure? Or am I pretty much done with her? She lives alone and I have the worst anxieties about him sleeping with her right now as I type this, or her going to his house. I love her so much... it kills me to do NC with her. (she ends up breaking it by calling me anyways) I have thought about calling him. I have his number. Seeing as though she wont talk to me... I thought i would ask him if they were getting back together... if they are, then I am out... I wont even fight for her because I would loose all respect in her for going back to such a man. However if she and he are not getting together, then there could be a chance that she does need closure and time to think it over. Why would he lie to me... he probably wants her back... and the worst part is, he doesnt even have to do anything to win her back.. just buy her flowers. the worst part is, its f***ing christmas, and I wanted to be close to my GF. All my friends say to move on... but something is holding me back. Maybe it is the past 7 months that we have shared... if you could read some of the things she used to say to me and hear the conversations and have seen us together, you never would have seen this coming... just like me. HELP!!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbeezee Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 anyone? anyone? Beuller? Beuller? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Judge a person by their actions and not by their words. She is still totally hooked on this guy and more than likely is cheating on you with him. She is totally messed up. I am afraid that you are the doorprize. She continually contacts a guy who abused her and lets you stay on the hook. She is a bag of problems and she is desperate for this other guy. She is mentally unhealthy and will drag you down with her. Why not look for a woman who truly loves and respect only you. You are accepting crumbs in this relationship. She is probably screwing this guy who abuses her and making you look pathetic begging her to be with you. Wake up and open your eyes. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbeezee Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 I agree that I do deserve better. And she was that better for me. Things were perfect. She did truly love me and respect me. This is only a recent thing. Part of it has to do with the distance I think... I hope. I dont want to give up on her quite yet. Her whole family calls me and tells me not to leave, and to be patient and have faith in her. They know this ex really screwed with her mind, and she is confused right now. I am just hoping she comes out of it, and realizes what she is doing. On a few occasions she broke down and apologized for treating me the way she was and that she hated doing it. Her stories about where she's been check out just enough for me to believe that they really aren't getting back together... however, my gut feeling tells me different. But my gut has been wrong in the past... I'm afraid of cutting her loose and the sadness of me leaving her drives her even deeper back to the A-hole and then she ends up in the hospital after a few months, or possibly dead. I have some support from her family and they (being good Christians) are praying for us and going to intervene and keep her around the house during the holidays so she doesnt stray too far away from her dreams (which she still claims are me) Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 You are not here to save the world or this girl. But if you are so inclined, you can "save" her without being her emotional punching bag. She treats you this way either because she likes him more, or she knows you will take it and be a nice guy about it or she is a low self esteem girl. You will regret continuing to be involved with her. If she is not having sex with him now, that is a matter of mere geography or his disinterest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbeezee Posted December 22, 2005 Author Share Posted December 22, 2005 Last night she had a breakdown. She moved back home (she was living alone). She is going to councelling tomorrow morning (which her mother is going with her and called me to tell me about the appointment). She told me that I was the most understanding, and normal guy she's ever met and that she cant stand treating me this way. She told me that she needs some time to figure some things out. She has begun to remove all items in her life that remind her of this guy. As I said before, she is moving back in with her parents untill she figures some things out. She told me she wants to be back to the way she was (with me). I had heard it from other sources that the guy had invited her over to his house after they began talkiing again. She turned him down and he was very upset about it. (a year being gone from the relationship and he is still doing his crap. Her friend who was a mutual aquaintance told me about this.) I think she finally decided that this guy is NOT who she wants in her life, now she just has to get the feelings from her past out of her mind. She is troubled. She doesn't know why she had sympathy for this guy in the first place. The only unfortunate thing for myself is that through all this, she said she doesn't know what she wants right now. She knows she doesnt want him, but she isn't sure if she wants this long distance thing right now. I reminded her that the long distance is only temporary, and in March, I will be moving closer to her (about 3 hours away). Should I stick around? I do love this girl more than any woman I have ever met. We have experienced a true feeling of love and happiness that either of us has NEVER had before. I have the memories and pictures to prove it! I dont quite want to cut and run yet. I know if she clears her head, gets over this guy, and starts missing my affection and attention that things would be great. It just sucks that it is Christmas time. Link to post Share on other sites
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