gordon_gc Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Alrit, I have a question regarding NC and how to apply it in my case... My exgf broke up with me about 1 1/2 months ago. During, that time, I can openly say i screwed it up by trying to show her we still had a chance to make it work, etc...etc... Also, the main purpose of keeping in touch with her was the fact that I wanted her to come to my graduation ceremony (it was important for me). She always told me she would be part of it. Anyway, 14 dec...graduation day, No contact from her, I am like a kid waiting for his parents to show up at an end-of-the-year play...She never showed up, called me right before the ceremony but obviously i couldnt talk to her so I asked her to call me back later. I actually felt really upset and angry about her behavior. She called me twice that 14 dec, I never answered. She called again 3 times since then but never answered. She called again today, left a message on my voice mail to ask "what's going on? etc,etc..." ...nothing emotional. I still want to get back with her and dont know if i should answer her call or just stick to my guns and cut contact 'til she says to me "I'am sorry or something like that".... dont know how to apply NC !!!! Help me !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 By the way, also have another question with Xmas coming... I always had good contact with her parents and wanted to send a Xmas card but dont want it to be perceived as an attempt to get parents on my side... Should I do it or not ? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 She has called you 4 times.. pick the phone up the next time she calls, find out why she is calling and if she is just calling to make sure you are still hooked or not.. NC isn't for everybody from day one.. But do NC if she doesn't want to make it work.. Goodluck' Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 She has called you 4 times.. pick the phone up the next time she calls, find out why she is calling and if she is just calling to make sure you are still hooked or not.. NC isn't for everybody from day one.. But do NC if she doesn't want to make it work.. Goodluck' Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it... the problem in getting in touch with her is that I know she will ask me why such a silence since last. As a result, I will have to explain myself and will become the one to blame. Things that I don't want. Furthermore, I realise that any contact with her bring emotion disturbance in my life. I do feel a need to be more emotionally stable before talking to her. What should I tell her ? How should i handle the conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 7 days I have started NC...what should i do now ? HELP ME !!! Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 If you have not reached total emotional stability then I would continue the NC until you do. That's what I did. If you have reached emotional stability then I think you should go ahead and call her back soon. It's best to wait 24 hours before responding to a voice message from your ex. I too don't think NC is necessary for everybody. There is another one of dreamguy's threads I read yesterday where he says that blindly applying the NC principle is not a must. If you absoultely must contact your ex don't do it more than once every 2 to 4 weeks. Don't call at the same intervals to. If you waited 15 days before calling last time, wait 22 days the next time otherwise she will catch on to a pattern of your calls. Don't call at the same time of the day or the same days of the week either. You want your calls to have a surprise effect. People search for a pattern when they want to predict something. Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Also it's important that you hang up first whether you call or she's calling. It will raise her curiosity about why you don't want to keep her on the line as long as you can. The best way to get off the phone is to say that you have work to do or you have another call coming in or someone's at the door, etc. You have a better chance of gaining her interest if you keep some mystery about you and ending the conversation first is a good idea. Just make sure you end it when the conversation is at its peak. Don't wait until you have nothing else to talk about and say "well i've got to get going bye now". Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 There is no proven formula to apply to your situation for you to get back into the game with someone. There arent a set amount of hours you have to wait, the number of days you wait to call doesnt make a difference and trying to figure out your relationship like a math equation is going to send you into a tizzy. Youre going to waste too much time worrying about whether or not you did it "right" instead of watching the most important factor of all: What you FEEL is right. Plain and simple: Dont jump to respond to calls, you dont want to make it look like youve been staring at your phone all day waiting for a call. People dont like desperation. be mysterious and inviting at the same time. Most of all: Try to keep an objective idea of what is going on at the time. If you were witnessing someone else going thru what you are, what would YOU suggest? Obviously, your emotions are going to cloud your judgement, but at least try not to get lost in your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 I think I will try to call her...probably tomorrow. However, I have a question. What should i say if she asks me why I kept such a silence for the past 7 days ? She knows it is not in my habits to do so. I could easily tell her the truth (I was angry about her behaviour) but then, it will not do anything good to our conversation if you know what I mean... I do want to talk to her but don't wanna talk about my relationship with her, our break up or the reasons for my silence but I am scared these topics might come up (I always make a fool of myself in those cases !!!) Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Just tell her you've been busy or that you've been away on a vacation with a friend. I don't know your situation so you know better than I would as to what excuse would be believeable by her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 Just tell her you've been busy She knows I do work but don't need to do much hours to make decent money. or that you've been away on a vacation with a friend. Can't say that. I know it will backfire on me soon or later. Yes, I have been busy working out, hanging out with friends, but I still could have found time to call her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 Still really wondering if I should call tomorrow...What do you think I should do? What should I say ? PLEASE HELP ME !!! Link to post Share on other sites
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