Took her back.. mistake?

[XTORT]

In November my girlfriend of almost a year cheated on me, and lied (breaking promises) to try and deny it.

 

I first noticed that she was getting gifts and things from this "friend" of hers.. and the first couple of things were fine. Purse, some clothes.. you know.. but at the same time it was effecting me in a weird way.. I don't make the most money in the world by far and I can't always afford to buy her those type of gifts.. but she always told me she didn't care about superficial things. I know everyone likes getting things though.

 

Soon I found out from a friend that this "Friend" of hers had bought her much more than she was telling me about ( My friend who tipped me works at the place he was buying from ). The guy is made of money, and uses it to get friends and respect.. in my eyes he "buys people" who allow themselves to be bought.

 

Getting back on topic.. I casually asked her if he had bought her anything else lately and she calmly and convincingly assured me he didn't.. and my blood was boiling. I told her that I knew about what he had bought her and she, knowing she was caught in a lie, still told me *and promised* me that he had never gotten her anything else.. and then she finally gave in and admitted to it. At this point I didn't *truly* think she was cheating.. I think she just didn't want it to bother me that someone with a fat wallet was treating her very well because of how I'd feel.

 

After a few days of calming down things got better.. I tried not to let it bother me as much but something else was turning out to be very conspicuous. She suddenly was busy all the time with different things, no real time for us.. and talking on the phone was pointless because she was always typing to someone else on her computer at the same time and I was basically invisible.

 

We got into a fight, I asked her what was going on - and she fed me lies.. I asked her if she was cheating on me, and she promised me over and over again that she wasn't until I got her to the point where she didn't want to lie anymore I guess.. she couldn't even look me in the eye and simply said "I'm sorry" and quickly bursted out "I have feelings for him, but it's nothing."

 

I left and didn't speak to her for a couple of days.. I was truly hurt, I never thought she'd leave me, especially since this guy is WELL under me in the attractiveness chain... she even admitted he wasn't as attractive.

 

I never got a clear answer why she did it, I vaguely came to a rough conclusion that our relationship was too routine for her.. and that she was looking for some new excitement.. but never did she sit down to talk to me about any problems and previously there wasn't a sign of a problem ( atleast to me ) we had alot of fun together, all the time.. she laughed constantly with me and I know our sex life was nothing short of amazing.. she told her friends about how good things were in that area.

 

FINALLY here's my real problem. I missed her alot even though I felt betrayed and hurt.. I wasn't used to spending a day without hearing from her in some form.. so we talked again...

 

after deciding being friends would be a good idea, spending time together still and such.. she moved close to me again and away from him. She left him for me and I took her back because things were going so well that I had forgot all the pain basically.

 

The only problem is, now, about a month after we got back together.. I am starting to feel like I am setting myself up for her to do this to me again, except this time it will be worse.. I don't like to pre-judge but if she cheated once why wouldn't she do it again? I don't watch her like an eagle so she has plenty of opportunity to do it.

 

Should I leave her now? And find someone who won't take me for granted maybe? I do feel like I love her alot but I have a certain responsibility to safeguard myself.

 

Sorry for it being so long.. I just wanted to get the entire story out there. And if anyone feels like calling me stupid for accepting her back, then go ahead.. I probably deserve it lol

 

XTORT

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

Look at the facts. She continually lied to you. She cheated on you sexually and put your health at great risk. Apparently if a guy gives her enough presents she will sleep with him. She feels your relationship is routine and looks for excitement elsewhere. I think you are setting yourself up again for the big hurt. What do you think will happen when another wealthy guy starts buying her presents behind your back. Why do you feel that the best you deserve in your life is a woman who had no problem lying to face, accepting expensive presents behind your back and sexually screwing some other guy also behind your back and making you look like a fool. She has a broken moral compass so why would do you think your future would not be your past.

Fool me once-shame on you. Fool me twice-shame on me. I wish you luck because you will need it if you stay with her.

[Cecelius]

The only problem is, now, about a month after we got back together.. I am starting to feel like I am setting myself up for her to do this to me again, except this time it will be worse.. I don't like to pre-judge but if she cheated once why wouldn't she do it again? I don't watch her like an eagle so she has plenty of opportunity to do it.

XTORT

 

That feeling is your gut telling you that you shouldn't have let her back in. Basically, what pain did she suffer? She got to choose who she wanted, you or him -- ultimately she chose you, but the point is that she never understood that what she did was WRONG -- to her, she was just exploring her feelings.

[XTORT]

That feeling is your gut telling you that you shouldn't have let her back in. Basically, what pain did she suffer? She got to choose who she wanted, you or him -- ultimately she chose you, but the point is that she never understood that what she did was WRONG -- to her, she was just exploring her feelings.

 

For some reason I am worried about the pain I would inflict on her if I left her now though. I don't know why I do though considering she was adament in causing me pain..

 

I think I've been trying to trick myself into thinking of her how I used to, before the lies and cheating..

 

Do you think I should ignore worrying about her pain and just drop her now? I only ask other people because clearly my mind is too clouded to make a sound decision on my own.

 

Thank you for the replies, even though I've sorta known all this all along the reassurance helps me stand back on my own two feet again.

 

XTORT

[Moai]

For some reason I am worried about the pain I would inflict on her if I left her now though. I don't know why I do though considering she was adament in causing me pain..

 

I think I've been trying to trick myself into thinking of her how I used to, before the lies and cheating..

 

Do you think I should ignore worrying about her pain and just drop her now? I only ask other people because clearly my mind is too clouded to make a sound decision on my own.

 

Thank you for the replies, even though I've sorta known all this all along the reassurance helps me stand back on my own two feet again.

 

XTORT

 

Ignore her pain, she doesn't deserve your consideration at all. She didn't think that way when she cheated on you and lied did she? Split now when it will be easier.

 

If doing what you must to retain your self respect and emotional well-being hurts her, so much the better. Maybe she'll be more reluctant to screw over people who care about her the next time she has the opportunity.