id Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 I think this question or topic must have been posted a million times but I really want to know what the majority of people.I'm male and between the age of 20 to 30 .Recently i've a little argument or disagreement as she would put it with my gf.She started complaining about my desktop wallpaper on my computer.The wall paper feathers a somewhat erotic photograph of half nake model.You probably know the kind I'm talking about but that isn't the point.I don't subscribe or purchase any pornographic material,such as X vcd's to magazines or even log onto uncensorded websisites.I realise the fact that I'm enjoying the wallpaper on my computer because of the model's face and bodily features but is that really that wrong? Cut me some slack, i mean it isn't like I go down to night club everynight.Is there a difference to between erotic and XXX? do you think i should change my wallpaper? did i do anything wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 hi id, your girlfriend is probably insecure and immature and thinks she has something to live up to. i.e. the chick on your computer. maybe she thinks that is the kind of girl you really like, she is not like that model and therefore feels a bit threatened. she might even be afraid that you....err....fantasise about this chick on your desktop. look, i have never met a guy in his 20-30's who has *never* had porn of some type hanging around his house. i think she needs to learn to not feel so threatened by someone who you will never meet, and who is airbrushed to the max anyway. she should be thankful it's not a half-naked guy on your desktop. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 It would bother most ladies on some degree to have their guy staring at some other semi-naked chick on their computer screen as wallpaper or whatever. It may have a little to do with immaturity and insecurity. I don't know this girl. But relish her feelings now. One day, she may encourage you to go meet this wallpaper girl in person and get to know her better. Take a shot of your girlfriend and put her up as wallpaper. Some girlfriends actually make better wallpaper than girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 Well, to give you another females take on this,I don't think there is anything "wrong" with your screensaver in general. But having it up while your girlfriend is around might not be the wisest thing to do. And it may have nothing at all to do with your girlfriend being "insecure." She might just see it as a show of disrespect or lack of sensitivity on your part where her feelings are concerned. Hey...afterall, its just a screensaver, right? So what's the harm in killing it for a while if it will make the REAL lady in your life feel better? Isn't she worth it? Besides, you can always tuck Miss One-Dimensional away on a floppy somewhere. I'm sure she'll still be there waiting for you the next time you feel like booting up some bootie. AND if you REALLY want to score some big brownie points,(girls' secret) try using your girlfriend's pic as your screensaver. She'll LOVE it! Don't worry, you're not "whimping out," rather you're showing you can be a sensitive and caring lover. I think this question or topic must have been posted a million times but I really want to know what the majority of people.I'm male and between the age of 20 to 30 .Recently i've a little argument or disagreement as she would put it with my gf.She started complaining about my desktop wallpaper on my computer.The wall paper feathers a somewhat erotic photograph of half nake model.You probably know the kind I'm talking about but that isn't the point.I don't subscribe or purchase any pornographic material,such as X vcd's to magazines or even log onto uncensorded websisites.I realise the fact that I'm enjoying the wallpaper on my computer because of the model's face and bodily features but is that really that wrong? Cut me some slack, i mean it isn't like I go down to night club everynight.Is there a difference to between erotic and XXX? do you think i should change my wallpaper? did i do anything wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 No, you didn't do anything wrong. I cannot understand people's unfounded conviction that they have the right to police their partners' interest in erotica, or to dictate their taste. If it's your computer (not a shared computer that she also uses), and it's not out in the middle of the living room displaying your favorite semi-nude model, then I don't think she has a right to comment on what you choose to put up on your computer screen. (Although a bit of good-natured teasing, emphasis on the good-natured, ought to be expected). But I think that you might be missing the message underneath her complaint: your screen-saver undermines her confidence in her attractiveness. Now, it's not your fault that her confidence on this point is shaky. But since you're her friend, her boyfriend no less!, I should think you'd want to be sensitive about her insecurities. Everyone has insecurities and it's not unreasonable to think that a loved one would keep them in mind. Within reason of course! Because as you say, you're not an outrageous sex fiend. And her insecurities shouldn't determine what your computer screen-saver can be (unless it was a picture of an ex-girlfriend, in which case I think any woman's insecurities would be kicking in). Anyway, my suggested solution is this: explain kindly, gently and without a hint of defensiveness that like many men you enjoy looking at beautiful women, but that doesn't mean that you intend to pursue This Month's Supermodel or that she dominates your fantasies. Then direct your girlfriend's attention to the lovely framed picture of her you keep next to your computer (make sure it's the most flattering picture of her you can find) and assure her that she's never far from your thoughts and that you enjoy looking at her as much -- if not more -- than Exotic Air-Brushed (they are always always airbrushed, never doubt that for a moment) Beauties. Having a framed picture of her is more tangible and lasting than a screen saver that can be changed with a few mouse-clicks. That should help to assuage her fears. I do think it's worth pointing out that the constant barrage of unrealistic female body-types that are held up as ideal are so very very damaging to women's self-images. Even the strongest, most self-confident woman will have pangs about the length and girth of her legs, or the size of her bust while walking down a city street surrounded by posters and billboards of tall anorexic women whose beauty has been enhanced by camera & lighting techniques, not to mention plastic surgery. To have these visions of ideal beauty invading one's home is not going to be good for any woman's self-confidence. Still, I support your right to have whatever you like on your own computer. Link to post Share on other sites
id Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 It would bother most ladies on some degree to have their guy staring at some other semi-naked chick on their computer screen as wallpaper or whatever. It may have a little to do with immaturity and insecurity. I don't know this girl. But relish her feelings now. One day, she may encourage you to go meet this wallpaper girl in person and get to know her better. Take a shot of your girlfriend and put her up as wallpaper. Some girlfriends actually make better wallpaper than girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
ann Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 Just curious what opinions are on this: I have worked in a small office for the past 10 months: there are 5 of us in all, & I am the only female. 3 of the 4 men in the office all have half-naked models on their screens, & one guy in particular seems to have some sort of lesbian fantasy - judging by the images on his screensaver. So as far as a guy having this stuff on his computer despite his girlfriend's disapproval, I can see the general consensus is that the girlfriends' in the wrong for asking him to remove it. But what do you think about men doing this in the workplace? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 You have to decide that for yourself. To me, erotic is something particularly sexually suggestive or illutrative of sexual love. XXX is simply a designation that the material is very visually and verbally sexual, or erotic, and should not be seen by minors or those who would be offended. I don't think XXX presupposes that someone else would be offended...but rather designates material that could possibly offend some people. Both share many characteristics, including that of having the potential for stimulating the imagination as well as other things. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 I think it's absolutely unacceptable in the workplace. You really should complain. We had a guy like that where I used to work whose screensaver offended a lot of women. He refused to take it down and guess what? Fired. (There were other reasons for his dismissal also, but that did play a factor.) I can't believe they allow that to go on where you work! Wonder how they'd react if you put up a screensaver of a half naked guy? Just curious what opinions are on this: I have worked in a small office for the past 10 months: there are 5 of us in all, & I am the only female. 3 of the 4 men in the office all have half-naked models on their screens, & one guy in particular seems to have some sort of lesbian fantasy - judging by the images on his screensaver. So as far as a guy having this stuff on his computer despite his girlfriend's disapproval, I can see the general consensus is that the girlfriends' in the wrong for asking him to remove it. But what do you think about men doing this in the workplace? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 I think that when it comes to the workplace the only way it could possibly be all right to display images that co-workers may find offensive is if one has a private office or a computer situated so that no one else can/has to see it. It cannot be a shared computer, nor even one which a co-worker only periodically uses. No one should be have to endure embarrassment or insult simply to indulge a co-worker. We're all free to look at whatever we like in the privacy of our own homes but we're not free to foist our fantasies into the view of our co-workers. Link to post Share on other sites
ann Posted July 26, 2001 Share Posted July 26, 2001 Yep - I agree with you both...but there's nothing I can really do short of reporting it to the labour authority or whoever, and starting a lot of trouble. The reason it's allowed here is because of the 4 men I work for, one is my boss, 2 are his sons, and the last guy is one of the son's college buddies. My boss is the only one without these pictures on his screensaver. But clients DO come in and out of our office, & are able to see the computer screens with the half-naked women on them. I actually share an office with one of my bosses' sons, so I see these pictures pretty much all the time. It's funny though - if it's a male client who sees it, he's always really impressed and my co-worker will stand there bragging about them... Link to post Share on other sites
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