Why can't they leave well enough alone?

[Devildog]

So after over 5 years of wedded horror to a controlling, psychotic, frigid witch, she decides to leave to be able to bang her High School crush right? So I finally get a chance at having a happy life like most decent humans deserve, right?

 

NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO

 

The freak of nature psycho still feels she needs to throw her weight (of which there is ample:laugh: ) around even to this day! She still has to try and control every thing she possibly can.

 

Latest example. This past weekend was my weekend with my daughter. Saturday was her family's Christmas party. So trying to be a decent human beingI offered that she could bring my daughter by after the party. So I sacrificied 4 hours of what little time I get with my daughter in some misguided holiday goodwill.

 

How was this gesture returned you ask? The custody agreement we have is that I get Christmas Eve, she gets Christmas Day. So during my weekend she calls and tells me, not asks, tells me that I need to have my daughter home early on Christmas. (Give and take, I give, she takes) Her reason? Vague explanation that something came up. So she made plans for something when she knew it was my time? Then it is that she wants to take her to mass on Christmas Eve. So the whole having mass on Christmas was a sudden unexpected surprise? (FTR, I would think a cheating whore would feel a wee bit uncomfortable in a house of God)

 

This has led to two straight days of her calling, being a first class bitch, me hanging up on her, he calling back calling me immature, me hanging up on her, her finally apologizing to my voice mail, calling back and starting the cycle all over again.

 

Why isn't it enough to have made all those years miserable for me? Why does she feel the need to make the next 15 years of my life miserable by playing stupid games when it comes to my daughter and the custody? Why is she going to force me to go nuclear on her idiotic @ss and destroy her professionally as well as parent wise. The way she is going with all the documentation I am keeping on her stupid stuff, she might very well find herself getting every other weekend and paying me child support.

 

I guess it is true what a friend of my Dad's says, "you are only married to them for a little while, you are divorced from them forever".

[Mz. Pixie]

Awwwww, DD. I'm sorry to hear this.

 

I wish I could tell you that it will get better........but I'm not so sure. Sometimes it doesn't.

 

I just wish people could act like adults when it comes to what is best for the children!! I would just like a civil relationship where we do what's best for the kids and co parent effectively.

 

I'm like you, I just keep documenting what he's doing and all the irrational e mails he's sent me I've kept so when we go back to court it's not going to look good for him.

 

I say you have your daughter for the time you're slated to have her and to HECK with what she wants/needs.

[JS17]

I say you have your daughter for the time you're slated to have her and to HECK with what she wants/needs.

YEAH, what she said! Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time with her Devildog. Want me to come beat her up?

[Art_Critic]

The holiday brings out all the hostility.. My exw's first ex used to get in tug of war type fights with her at the holidays...

 

I have even seen the sheriff show up at my door christmas eve exercising the divorce decree because they couldn't work out the holiday stuff or would change it like your ex is doing to you..

 

 

Try and keep your daughter in mind and do whatever you can to make sure she has a good christmas... that is really what matters..

[Devildog]

Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time with her Devildog. Want me to come beat her up?

 

Hmm, that would get me around the fact that I would never hit a woman, no matter how much she deserves it. Just make sure she doesn't sit on you JS.

 

A_C, it's funny you mention the Sheriff, she was about 2 minutes away from me calling them to enforce the decree in regards to my birthday a few months ago.

 

I try to make sure my daughter has a great time with me. She always looks forward to her time with me, and from what I have been told by my x-m-i-l she constantly asks for me and even does a little "Daddy dance" when she knows I am coming to get her. But damn, it is hard to pretend you are happy when you have a psycho trying to ruin everything. I hate to admit it, but there was a few times I started loosing my temper with my daughter I was so mad at my XW. I hate that she got me that mad that it started to spill over towards my daughter.

 

I really don't forsee anything getting better any time soon. Short of her growing the hell up or getting the psychological assistance she desperately needs.

 

And I am not just throwing the "psycho" term around here. I have been told by two different psychology professionals that her actions are irrational and crazy.

[scobro]

Geez I went through this about 7 years ago.My daughter is 10 now but I had my daughter the same as you christmas eve till christmas morning.I bought a tree and lots of presents and was looking forward to spending it with my daughter.I phone my ex to say I am on my way it turns out she took my daughter to her grandparents 6 hours away for christmas:mad: I phoned her cell freaking she said "call the cops"if you don't like it.Turns out she was away till 2nd week of Jan.I spent christmas alone because of her selfish ways.Thing is it was in out agreement signed by a judge and I could have called the police if i wanted but last thing I want my daughter to remember is cops on Christmas.Its not fair but nothing you can do sometimes people are just a-holes.

[Outcast]

I really don't forsee anything getting better any time soon. Short of her growing the hell up or getting the psychological assistance she desperately needs.

 

So here's what you do: don't let it bother you. Never expect her to be different. Always expect that this is how she'll be and don't let it disturb you.

 

I had to deal with an irrational person and finally realized that my anger and frustration came from my thinking that maybe next time this person would behave like someone 'normal'. Then one day the lightbulb went on - never gonna happen so there's no point in getting mad at it. It just is. So you take a deep breath and engage whatever coping strategy you have but expect it, prepare for it, and deal without letting it disturb you.

 

It's one of those 'accept the things you can't change' parts of life.

[alphamale]

Why is she going to force me to go nuclear on her idiotic @ss and destroy her professionally as well as parent wise.

The only way people treat you like this is if you let them.

 

I guess it is true what a friend of my Dad's says, "you are only married to them for a little while, you are divorced from them forever".

only if you have kids together. I've been divorced for 8 yrs and haven't seen nor talked with my ex. But then again, I did leave her.

[Ladyjane14]

So here's what you do: don't let it bother you. Never expect her to be different. Always expect that this is how she'll be and don't let it disturb you.

 

 

I agree with Outcast here. It's a petty good strategy, and it'll save you alot of emotional energy.

 

Your ex has already demonstrated a propensity for controlling behavior over the course of your entire marriage. Why would that end just because you're divorced?

 

It's going to take her awhile to learn that she's not your wife anymore; that she doesn't have any right to make demands of you. She'll doubtless not learn it at all if you don't set some limits.

 

She's not behaving in anyway that's unexpected....so you're completely free to be indifferent, aloof, and unflappable.

 

So, set your boundaries....and don't let her pull your strings.

[Devildog]

and don't let her pull your strings.

 

Easier said than done!

 

So after 3 days of her crap, what happens? I called this morning to put an end to this crap, set a time and move on. I made an offer to bring her back at a time between my original time and her demanded time. "As long as she is home by this time it's no big deal". The time she mentioned was the time originally planned for! So what the hell did she instigate the last 3 days of stupidity for!

 

Was this just another example of her being a b!tch? She doesn't need to remind me she is that way. Trust me, I am perfectly well aware of her being a b!tch.

[Scott S]

The freak of nature psycho still feels she needs to throw her weight (of which there is ample:laugh: ) around even to this day!

 

You mean you hooked up with my ex??!!

[Outcast]

Easier said than done!

 

Maybe so but it's worth it.

[littlekitty]

So here's what you do: don't let it bother you. Never expect her to be different. Always expect that this is how she'll be and don't let it disturb you.

 

I had to deal with an irrational person and finally realized that my anger and frustration came from my thinking that maybe next time this person would behave like someone 'normal'. Then one day the lightbulb went on - never gonna happen so there's no point in getting mad at it. It just is. So you take a deep breath and engage whatever coping strategy you have but expect it, prepare for it, and deal without letting it disturb you.

 

It's one of those 'accept the things you can't change' parts of life.

 

Some great advice Outcast. Hmmm definately something I can think about.

[littlekitty]

Devildog... I'm going through the EXACT same thing with my partners ex and baby mother. Aghhhh 'The Psycho Bitch from Hell' is hard to deal with!!

 

It's been over a year since they split and she still is using their child as a porn in her sad little games. Now she even contacts me directly in an effort to cause malice.

 

So after 3 days of her crap, what happens? I called this morning to put an end to this crap, set a time and move on. I made an offer to bring her back at a time between my original time and her demanded time. "As long as she is home by this time it's no big deal". The time she mentioned was the time originally planned for! So what the hell did she instigate the last 3 days of stupidity for!

 

Ahhhhh are you sure this isn't the same person??!! This is EXACTLY what we go through all the time!!

 

If you ever need to vent.. feel free to contact me by pm!!

[wanda1974]

Your poor daughter....doesn't your ex-phsycho realize that the only person she's hurting here is her own daughter by pulling all this sh**? :mad:

Ya, know, no offense, ladies, but I feel that women have way too many rights in the court system, (and I am a woman). It used to be that the child automatically went with the mother, if the father couldn't take on full custody for whatever reason. Yes there are a lot of deadbeat dads out there, but I'm seeing more and more deserving fathers lately. You shouldn't have to fight to see YOUR child! A bunch of BS if you ask me. Your ex is only making things harder for your child, in which, your daughter will end up resenting her for that, I promise you that!

I am divorced 2 years now, we have joint custody. I am having Christmas eve at my house with my daughter, my ex-husband, his girlfriend, his mom &dad(which i am still extrely close to), and one of my exes friends. It's really not that hard to be in the same room for the holidays for the sake of the kids.. . But then, all my friends say I'm nuts for hosting on christmas eve. WHatever, if it makes my daughter happy, then so am I!!!!! Good luck, and your ex will get hers one day, just wait. I'll kick her @ss for you too!!!!!

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

It's nice that you have your daughter on Christmas eve. I'll bet she is very excited! I have my kids with me as well, and for xmas morning, and my ex is coming over in the morning. I actually wish he could join us Xmas eve but he will be with his family although my parents said he is more than welcome anytime.

 

I'm sure it would be different if I had another man in the picture, which I do, but nobody knows about him yet

 

You have custody documents that should be followed. Let her know you won't put up with her drama and stick to the agreement. If she starts bitching on the phone, just interrupt her and tell her to call back when she's not being a bitch and hang up on her.

 

She is acting like a child, therefore you have every right to treat her like one.

[Ladyjane14]

People who seek attention rarely care if the attention they receive is positive or negative. It's all about validation. It's about affecting other people.

 

She knows where your buttons are. But now that you're not living together....you're less predictable. She'll redouble her efforts from time to time just to get a reaction out of you, particularly as she loses confidence in her effect on you.

 

I imagine that your situation with the ex is probably a little more complex than only just that. It's the holiday season afterall. She's seeing some of the fallout caused by her destruction of the family dynamic. She's robbed her child of Christmas morning with Mommy AND Daddy from now on. She's robbed YOU as well. Stuff like that tends to make folks feel a bit guilty from time to time.

 

True to form, she'll cast around looking for other people to blame rather than to accept any guilt for herself. She might periodically give lip-service to feeling bad about everything that happened, but she'll doubtless not really embrace any responsibility for it. She'd have to face her demons....and she's evaded them for a REALLY LONG TIME.

 

Drama is soooooo much easier.

 

Whatever.... The good new for you is that you are no longer obliged to care. Outcast's advice for you holds true. Your ex is manipulating you emotionally, as she has for a fairly good portion of your history together. No news there.

 

So, don't let her get under your skin. You only encourage her to more drama whenever you do. As I said earlier, she's likely to redouble her efforts for awhile....but eventually, she'll have to give it up as a bad job.

[Devildog]

Ladyjane, did you somehow get the instruction manual for my XW? Because everything you just said is perfectly on target. Yes, she needs attention, good or bad. She thrives on having people talk about her no matter what the circumstances are.

 

And yes, on occasion she will give lip service to "being responsible", but only partially. It is all still 95% my fault in her mind. She actually had the nerve to tell me she was tired of bending over backwards and kissing my butt, that she had done that throughout our marriage and it wasn't going to happen anymore. What marriage she was talking about is beyond me, because it was all about her, never about me.

 

But yes, I agree it all boils down to guilt, avoiding said guilt, and trying to maintain some form of control over me. She doesn't control me. Everytime she pulls this kind of crap she just strengthens my resolve more.

[Devildog]

You have custody documents that should be followed. Let her know you won't put up with her drama and stick to the agreement. If she starts bitching on the phone, just interrupt her and tell her to call back when she's not being a bitch and hang up on her.

 

She is acting like a child, therefore you have every right to treat her like one.

 

Ah, but her childishness makes this tactic ineffective. I have done this, time and time again. And she accuses me of being childish for hanging up on her.

 

She is not a reasonable, sane person. History means nothing to her, because she rewrites it to suit her needs for the moment. According to her, she has this perfect tape recording memory where she knows word for word what everyone says, and anyone who says differently is flat out wrong. It was absolutely impossible for the entire 8 years we were together for me to know what I said more than she did. If I brought up something she said in an arguement, she denied ever saying it.

[littlekitty]

Your poor daughter....doesn't your ex-phsycho realize that the only person she's hurting here is her own daughter by pulling all this sh**? :mad:

Ya, know, no offense, ladies, but I feel that women have way too many rights in the court system, (and I am a woman). It used to be that the child automatically went with the mother, if the father couldn't take on full custody for whatever reason. Yes there are a lot of deadbeat dads out there, but I'm seeing more and more deserving fathers lately. You shouldn't have to fight to see YOUR child! A bunch of BS if you ask me. Your ex is only making things harder for your child, in which, your daughter will end up resenting her for that, I promise you that!

I am divorced 2 years now, we have joint custody. I am having Christmas eve at my house with my daughter, my ex-husband, his girlfriend, his mom &dad(which i am still extrely close to), and one of my exes friends. It's really not that hard to be in the same room for the holidays for the sake of the kids.. . But then, all my friends say I'm nuts for hosting on christmas eve. WHatever, if it makes my daughter happy, then so am I!!!!! Good luck, and your ex will get hers one day, just wait. I'll kick her @ss for you too!!!!!

 

What a lady! Gee I wish there were more like you out there. It would make it easier on the children of split parents.

[Ladyjane14]

Ladyjane, did you somehow get the instruction manual for my XW?

 

:laugh: :laugh:

[Mz. Pixie]

Dang, I went through drama over Christmas as well......

 

Christmas is my holiday this year. I had them Friday and Saturday nights and then I offered to let him pick them up at 2:30 on Sunday. This was simply to give him time with them, not because the papers said I had to.

 

He called on Saturday night and I asked him if he were picking them up at 2:30. He says, "When do you keep bumping the time by 30 minutes? First it was 1:30, then 2:00, now 2:30" It was ALWAYS 2:30 he just doesn't half listen to what I say. I wanted to say, "Look asswipe, it's my holiday and I don't even have to let you have them but I'm doing so out of the kindness of my heart for their sake, your sake and your parents sake so don't screw with me" But, I didn't. I bit my lip for their sake.

 

I would have loved nothing more than to be with them all day but I was trying to do the right thing.

 

So, I told him he could pick them up at 2:00.

 

At 2:00 he calls and says he's just leaving his house and it's a 30 minute drive. So, he was too busy to get them on time, but yet bitched me out the night before about the time??

 

He's got a girlfriend now and I assume he's getting laid so why does he have to be such a jerk??

[Mz. Pixie]

Grrrrr- somebody stop me!!!! HEEELLLLLLLP!

 

As some of you know, I split custody but when I got remarried I moved. I make a large commute everytime I have my kids to get them to school in my former hometown. Sometimes the traffic is so bad I spend a two hours or more getting home with them in the afternoons. When I married and moved, I told my exhusband I would make the drive for the first year but then I wanted to revisit getting them into school in the middle. Since my husband is a teacher I can do that.

 

I have the opportunity to get them a private school education or they can attend a public school of high quality. It would require a bit of a drive on his part, but it's fair. The schools are the exact distance from my house as it is from his house.

 

I've tried to discuss this with him several times. Asked him to revisit the issue in December, no response. He's told me before that I will have to take this to court to get it done.

 

I needed to ask him one more time because of some application issues with school. So, I broached the subject with him last night. He acted like he didn't even know what I was talking about. So, I presented the options to him again and he said no, that I would have to take him to court. I asked him if he would be as ridiculous as to spend that kind of money on that just to be told that he has to do it anyway?? He said, that yes, I wanted to move and I could keep on getting my *ss in the car and making the commute. I calmly explained to him that it was unfair to the kids for them to have to get up so early and have such a commute. He was unyielding. It's just like he thinks its solely his decision. He told me to send him a proposal about what I wanted to do and he would "think" about it but at present time the answer was no.

 

Apparently he thinks joint custody is a dictatorship. HE doesn't make all the rules. I am livid.

 

I freely took less child support that would be mandated, because I felt like it was the right thing to do considering his budget. Since then he's refinanced his house, spends all his money on his hobbies just like before, and bought a new truck. I gave him the tax deductions, after all he had the house, and I was in an apt.

 

When I go to court this time, I'm asking for the full court ordered child support and one child to deduct and he can deduct the other. Why is it that he thinks I will lose in this?? I think he should take a poll with other divorced dads, like DD here to see how good he's got it. I'm also going to ask for my legal fees to be paid because he made this have to happen. I will also ask to be the decision maker for the children, because he cannot be rational.

 

I seriously do not want to take them away from him, but I may have no other choice. Gas has cost me over $100.00 a week or more when I have them. If he can't be reasonable then I see no choice but to ask for school year custody and him have them every other weekend and during spring break and the summer. I live within walking distance of the newest, most expensive school in our area- and that is not the one I'm asking him to send them to.

 

Why can't he do what's in their best interest? There is no way he would make the drive that I do to see his kids. This is not about the schools, it's about him having to drive a little and he doesn't want to. It's all about him, just like it was when we were married, which is why we are divorced!

 

I'm not sending him a proposal. What kind of proposal has he sent me?? He'll get my proposal from my attorney after I meet with him on Monday. I've tried so hard to be fair, but now I'm angry at his stupidity.

[brashgal]

Take him back to court. You said yourself that he is irrational, he won't listen to reason, let him listen to the judge.

[dgiirl]

Aww Mz. Pixie. I dont have any advice but just know I'm listening.

 

During my self help phase, I read that people think getting a divorce will make all the problems in the marriage disappear. It's not true, in fact it makes it worse. If he was an asshat in the marriage, he'll continue to be an asshat outside of the marriage Sorry girl!