2 C of Empathy, 1 C of understanding

[Lil Honey]

Hi All,

 

I wanted to share a little bit about a little known condition called Asperger's Syndrome. It is a disorder that affects the social aspect of more males than females and has a wide spectrum. A person can have several of the traits or a small smattering.

 

There is quite an eye-opening article at http://www.aspires-relationships.com/as_grows_up.htm

 

I know this looks long. I could have added so much more. I find it terribly intersting and hope you do, too. I have posted it, because I hope that we can all try to be more understanding of the people around us. Unfortunately, some tend to get angry with folks who truely don't understand social nuances. (And I would think it's more difficult with writing since there are no other features on which to base one's perception.)

 

Please read on. I'd love to read your thoughts.

 

The symptoms of AS were first described in 1944 in an obscure wartime Austrian medical journal article by Hans Asperger, a Viennese child psychiatrist. AS was given its name by an English researcher, Dr. Lorna Wing, in the early 1970s when she ran across Dr. Asperger's article and named the syndrome in honor of the first doctor to identify the traits of this condition. When AS was first identified, it was believed that it affected about one person in every 10,000. Over the years, well-conducted demographic studies indicate that the incidence may be one in five hundred. Some studies suggest a higher incidence, up to one in 250 persons.

 

Depending on who is using the term, and what label is considered politically correct at the time, autism is considered a disability, a disorder, a syndrome or a difference.

 

AS expresses itself as a different way of processing sensory experiences and problem solving.

 

AS children may desperately want to have friends, but without formal and patient training they are unaware of how to initiate contact with others in order to move on to forming the friendship bond appropriate for "normal" persons their same age.

 

Even as an adult, without proper training the AS individual may easily make "first base" acquaintanceships, but lack the expertise to change those relationships into adult friendship, a social date, or a successful spousal relationship.

 

AS individuals appear naive and gullible to others. Studies of bullying and child abuse at the hands of non-family members show that individuals who are isolated or alone are perfect victims. They are targets for such behavior because they stand out from their contemporaries as odd, not being able to understand simple social cues and unwritten rules of social communication and the hidden or "other" meaning of words, phrases, or the facial and body gestures of others. Many AS individuals do not understand the significance of variations in vocal pitch, pauses, and expectations by others that they "keep up their end of the conversation". In addition they suffer the consequences of remaining on the outside or at the edge of social conversation and the social behavior of their non-autistic peers.

 

In their effort to be accepted by people they do not understand, AS individuals may mimic the behavior and language of groups they hope will accept them. This tactic rarely works. They fail to understand the subtle aspects of language and non-verbal communication between members of these groups. If such groups engage in anti-social behavior, they often leave the AS individual "holding the bag". While their savvy acquaintances escape notice through denial or "acting normal", AS individuals temporarily abandoned by their cohort become "discipline" and "behavioral problems"

 

Without painstaking training and repetitive opportunity to practice newly learned communication and social skills, AS persons will not, on their own, develop an intuitive understanding of social etiquette. Some AS individuals may become overbearing, domineering, bullying and controlling as a means of remaining in charge of their environment.

 

Because of the rigid logic and limited cognitive flexibility of autistic persons with uncorrected behavior and attitudes, once an AS child becomes an adult, it is very difficult to "turn the behavior or attitude around". This feature of rigidity, of "hard wiring of responses" is as true for persons who are passive as those who are aggressive in their response to being misunderstood. Most AS adults who have chronic negative attitudinal or behavioral responses do not benefit from standard counseling or behavioral therapy.

 

Both aggressive and passive AS individuals tend to blame others for things leading up to their own explosions. While in the midst of a stressful event, they do not accurately perceive their contribution to an escalating situation.

 

Individuals with AS cannot quickly study situations to decide on a socially appropriate course of action. Instead of having learned communication and social skills by intuition -- the process used by non-autistic children and adults -- they rely on a different process. In their writings and self-descriptions, many AS individuals describe how they make social decisions. They draw upon an experience-based knowledge base. Adults describe this knowledge base as working exactly like a computerized data bank. Asperger Syndrome individuals use this vast storehouse of knowledge to compare their perception of a current situation with ones experienced in the past.

[NYCmitch25]

What I found interesting was the high frequency in society to which it exists where they claim it could be as high as 1 in 250 persons. Also, it's interesting how little it's diagnosed because of how difficult it is to diagnose. Many of it's symptoms indiviually point to differnet things and seemingly only after looking at them all would then perhaps a professional understand that it's AS.

[Outcast]

Great post, Lil Honey! Folks with conditions like Asperger's and AD/HD (and sometimes people have both!) suffer because of being unable to relate the way most folks do. Hell of a life

[Lil Honey]

What I find sad is that there are adults walking around, trying desperating to understand others while the others get standoff-ish because they think the person with AS is just being difficult. What's worse is that so few professionals are qualified that even when an adult tries to get help, they can't find it.

 

I am amazed how simple it is for me to be able to "see" when a person is joking and someone with AS thinks that person is being serious.

 

As the article mentions, an AS person takes in information like a computer and then uses that information for similar social events, even if the information doesn't quite fit anymore. It's as if, an AS person has to experience the right response before they use it. Unfortunately, the first time (or more) that it takes to learn a response is time that others think the AS person is weird, stubborn, negative, etc.

 

Imagine not having the ability to differentiate between someone who is serious and one who is joking around. An AS person could easily take offense to a simply friendly joke and react defensively with hurt feelings and possibly say things that can't be taken back.

[slubberdegullion]

A very dear friend of mine has a son with Asperger's, and the boy - he's 10 - is the sweetest, most gentle soul one could imagine at that age. When my buddy and his boy come to visit, the young one will usually glue himself to my PlayStation and giggle as the virtual car he drives careens around on the track. He doesn't say much, but he's certainly aware of what's going on around him. In a sense, it seems like there may be some advantage to have Asperger's.

[Lil Honey]

I've been visiting an AS website that has a forum similar to this. It is really an eye-opening experience.

 

They talk about feeling alone and misunderstood. People seem to get the impression that an AS person is pushing others away, when in fact, they WANT to be friends but they just don't understand HOW. Some view our (we are called NTs to them) interactions as trivial, because we aren't saying things of importance or we say obvious things. One member was frustrated at a co-worker who would ask, "How are you this morning?" He thought that being at work was an obvious indication that things were okay and he feels that chatter is just senseless.

 

The thing is, AS people are certainly not "stupid." They are very high-functioning. They just specialize in the things that interest them. They can talk at length about their favorite subjects and unfortuately, that's when our eyes start glazing over. Some don't understand is when to stop talking about one single topic.

 

Further, there are varying degrees of AS and one person can have some of the traits, but not other traits and not all of them.

 

Many work best when they are left to simply do their job. Many AS people are so focused that they end up being highly skilled doctors and other professionals.

[SmoochieFace]

They talk about feeling alone and misunderstood. People seem to get the impression that an AS person is pushing others away, when in fact, they WANT to be friends but they just don't understand HOW.

 

Completely agree as I am going through this. How to be friends with people and have a *social circle* is something that I may never understand.

 

 

Further, there are varying degrees of AS and one person can have some of the traits, but not other traits and not all of them.

 

That is true. I have some of the traits but certainly not all of them. This is why it is considered a *spectrum* syndrome - many varying degrees exist.

 

 

Many work best when they are left to simply do their job.

 

Exactly. I am much more content being left alone so I can do my job. Constant supervision - I call it *interference* - actually hampers my ability to do my job.

[Lil Honey]

One member of the forum I've been reading is super-sensitive to the idle chatter in the office and asked for ways to keep the noise down. Others are sensitive to touch, light, etc.

 

Yet another person was concerned about going to a restaurant and all the interaction there.

 

So many of the things that I take for granted, an AS person has trouble with. It might be a lot of trouble. It might be a little trouble. And it never crossed my mind how someone might stumble over such things - or that people really DO stumble.

 

What is really unfortunate is that these people are caring and loving and trustworthy and dependable, but when they are seen as "weird" and are mistreated, teased, etc., they LEARN from that bad experience. So when they are in another conversation that behave the way others have behaved toward them. That is why role-playing is so important - to give them the experience they need to "read" other people.

[Outcast]

Just want to toss in my own favourite cause - a lot of people with AD/HD suffer from many of the same social interaction troubles that folks with Asperger's do and are similarly rejected and mistreated. It must be horrible living on the planet being treated like an alien.

 

The problem with these 'invisible disabilities' is exactly that they're invisible. It's easy to feel bad for someone in a wheelchair but someone with a mental ailment, personality disorder, or learning disability looks no different, so people expect them to behave 'just like everybody else' even though that's extremely difficult and even impossible for them.

[SmoochieFace]

I can't speak for all Aspies but I feel most alone when I am in a large crowd. The vast majority of people either do not or are unwilling to understand those of us who are on the other side.

[Lil Honey]

SF: That's the point of this thread - to try to get folks to at least realize that something like that exists. I would like to have seen more folks join in, but I guess I should have titled the thread, "2 C of Empathy, 1 C of understanding and 1 whole Penis" (or some other body part). *sigh*

 

Anyway . . . I think part of the problem, SF, is that (like Outcast mentioned) other people can't SEE that there is a problem. And it's rude to ask someone about their personal issues, especially when they don't know each other well. I'm also not sure if AS people just want everyone to know or if they feel it's a private matter. So, you have a room of people who don't know about the problem and won't ask and you have an Aspie who won't (or can't) tell folks, so they end up misunderstanding each other.

 

Another example is when an Aspie is apprehensive to allow another person to get close and another person thinks the Aspie is avoiding them on purpose (thinks maybe the Aspie does't like them or is arrogant). Then both people avoid each other for very different reasons, when all it takes is one person befriending the other.

[SmoochieFace]

I would like to have seen more folks join in, but I guess I should have titled the thread, "2 C of Empathy, 1 C of understanding and 1 whole Penis" (or some other body part). *sigh*

 

I'd hate to *bump* this thread over the fascinating one about the humping pooches but here goes...

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. Most people here can't be serious for a few minutes even if their lives were to depend on it. It's all about sex, sex, sex, and still more sex. *sigh*

 

No wonder I just clam up and avoid people in general. All they seem to care about is sex... I mean, good god, they friggin' GET IT so why the constant chatter about it? Hell, it just seems easier to be alone. Not the *best* proposition but certainly damn better than trying to engage people.

[Outcast]

Yeah I think the title is the problem. It's a little too ooey and sounds like one of those sticky chain letters you get in email all the time.

[clandestinidad]

I had to get in on this one...sorry if everyone was done w/ it, but its really been weighing on me for a while. I probably just need to get it out.

 

I've posted about my 2 1/2 year old daughter before. She is amazing...beautiful, funny, intelligent, etc. There have always been strange things about her, however. She cannot STAND touching certain things, walking across sand (even in shoes), the sunlight through the trees when driving, sounds, and the biggest one: PEOPLE.

 

She WILL NOT look at anyone longer than 2 seconds other than my parents and I. She has always panicked and clung to me like a koala, scared. She always focused on TINY specs or pieces of things when she was a baby, and would mess w/ them with her pointer finger. Theres a lot more, but I dont feel like listing it all right now......

 

We've been working w/ therapists for a year, and her Dr wants her to be evaluated for autism b/c she's not 'growing out of things'

 

I'm so worried for her. Her father has been coming to have visitation w/ her for nearly 2 years and it completely stresses her out, causing her to act very strangely. They refuse to acknowledge that something is going on with her. When she was 1 1/2 and still hadnt babbled, I told her father and his mother that I was going to have someone work with her. They told me that it was totally fine for someone to not talk, and that she eventually would....totally missing the fact that everything about her was strange

 

Anyway, I worry b/c I dont want her father to cause more damage by doing things that she cant handle...like overnight visits. I hope that we can get a diagnosis soon, and work out some type of plan that will help her deal w/ the world and grow to be a well-adjusted person......

 

I might write more venting/rambling later....I need to eat......

[Outcast]

As with any other condition, the earlier you intervene with autism, the better the outcome. There's much more known now about autism than just a few years ago so her outlook is bright.

[Outcast]

Here's a link to a list of people who've done very well despite having autism.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_autism