princess75 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Hello , I have been in this site long time ago. I was having problems with my "love" as I call him. Now after long, after me being with someone else, he being with someone else (previously he really hurt me)..we are "friends" Now when he came back for friendship, I still loved him. And he begged for friendship...with who knows maybe where it will take. Now after beign in this for 8 months, he went back to old pattern of bad treatment, even in friendship...taking me for granted..he just cannot appreciate someone truly caring for him it seems. Well, everything was actually fine till it was his graduation, there he consulted with ex gf (who technically is out of his life) if it was ok for me to be there. WHen he did I retaliated and told him I was not going to come cause I realized he didnt love me as much as for inviting me for myself but had to ask? I felt so saaad...and he even so insisted for me to be there, but I still said no and didn't go. Now he then came over to my place to take me out for lunch straight from his graduation. We ate lunch and in the night he fought with me as why I didn't go to his graduation . I explained but he says if you would love me you would have gone. Now after this, he had also planned for us to celebrate New Year together..but when I saw the graduation scene I retaliated. I then spoke to him yesterday frankly and told him we should be back together to see if something is between us...cause for 8 months we talk every single day and do stuff together. He said no, and the reason is cause he knows he wont marry me (I went out with a friend of his after breakup as a rebound and confusion) , and he says he isnt attracted to me (I am fat, not huge , but fat) Now I am here let wondering , he wants me aroudn al ltime but he doesn't love me? What is he made of? Men please give your perspective...I asked him what he wants with me. He says he loves me as he loves his buddy (his guy friend) and so I said so you want me for the rest of your life beside you? HE said yes, so I asked why so I suffer? He doesnt answer. Is this friendship form his side? Is it he lvoes me and can't move passed on his ego? Or is is NC the best policy? SHould I go to New Year? I wonder.. Link to post Share on other sites
gordon_gc Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Hi, From a guy perspective and as someone who lived a break up...I can try to give you answer. These are my answers...only my point of view. I think that firstly, you should definitely focus on yourself. You should learn to live for yourself again, learn to love yourself again (inside and out). You have to feel confident about yourself that you are a person that deserve to be loved and appreciated. Regarding that guy, I think you give him the easy option and you should "simply" (not easy to do, I know) stop all contact with him. Why ? Because it will give you the opportunity to apply what I wrote above and it might show him he does not have control of the situation. You being a friend is not really something you want. You obviously want to be more than that and from what I can remember, it was always when I felt I was loosing the person as a friend that I was more into that person (I guess guys always want what they cannot have). If he really wants you as a girlfriend again, he will fight for it. Btw, from what you wrote, I think it would be a great idea to cut contact so he can self assess himself again. Having a second chance doesnt mean that YOU have to change...it means that BOTH have to change. Goold luck and keep us updated ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author princess75 Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 Yeah.., gordon_gc I agree with NC, but then I also think that if in this time we were not together..we will probalby not be ...right? Oh, I will be with myself again, and live for myself...each time I do this he comesb ack for more, and then it is like boom whole same situation again. Let us see, today I miss him so much and it is not even 1 day since we didn't talk to each other..............................sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh , it is sad but guess that is what NC and breakup and being with oneself means! Link to post Share on other sites
gordon_gc Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Yeah.., gordon_gc I agree with NC, but then I also think that if in this time we were not together..we will probalby not be ...right? Let's try to stay positive here...not together doesnt mean not being together in the future. It is a concept that I am still trying to believe so I guess it is as hard for you as it is for me. What you say is not true because of what I wrote before...you both need to change some of your behaviours and visions. He might be insecure, etc, etc... that is what he has to work on and so do you. Oh, I will be with myself again, and live for myself... That is the best you can do at the moment...work on yourself. Being with someone implies 3 lifes...Yours, his and the relationship one. At the moment, this is yours you should work on and that is the hardest thing to do...learn to be selfish again !!! each time I do this he comesb ack for more, and then it is like boom whole same situation again. Guess why he comes back ??? Because he feels like he is losing you !!! He likes to keep the control of the situation. Unfortunately, he doesnt seem to work on becoming a bit more mature and maybe becoming more respectful is the main thing he should work on. Unfortunatel,y you cannot tell him that. He has to find out by himself. Let us see, today I miss him so much and it is not even 1 day since we didn't talk to each other..............................sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh , it is sad but guess that is what NC and breakup and being with oneself means! For sure it is hard...you are used to him being around, talking to him, listenning to him. It is hard for me sometime too but only time will tell. One day at the time Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Yes NC is very hard. It is like fasting. It is a detoxification process to get your ex out of your soul. I agree with gordon that not reconciling now does not mean you never will reconcile in the future. I don't know what else to tell you except take it 1 day at a time and try to keep busy. Don't sit at home all day moping around thinking about him. It is not healthy for you. Give him a chance to miss you through NC. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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