being the other woman

[melody]

anyone have any feedback out there on the tendency for men who are married or who have a girlfriend seeking out another woman when they already have one woman. it seems often for some woman she wants to be the one and only woman. i am not saying that men cannot be in love with more than one woman at a time or men in love with more than woman at a time, but sometimes things get complicated when a woman truly desires to be the only woman but has to compete with the knowledge that she is not the only woman.

[Marzipan75]

Gosh that's a tough one. Anyway I look at it, it's tough enough being in a relationship with another person let alone having to deal with another woman in the picture. If I were you, I would have to think really hard about the possibility that this guy will choose only one of you someday and decide if you really want to get into that kind of situation. It sounds like you have had some time to deal with this but dating different people at the same time and having a relationship with two people are not the same. There's sex involved and usually someone winds up getting hurt whether it is intentional or not. Jealousy is not a good thing and I can tell you that even if you are not jealous now, you may be later or worse the other woman will be if you are not. There's always a lot of little things that tend to factor into the picture here but the bottom line is that it's just not good, for any of you.

 

My advice to you is let this relationship go. You are allowing yourself to be put on the sidelines here and at the same time he is getting all the benefits of this relationship. While you are in this relationship you are not opening yourself up to the possibility of having any new relationships and yet he is. Explain to me how that is beneficial to anyone but this guy? Talk to him and if he is not willing to make a choice then you need to make some decisions about getting on with your life, without him or this confusing relationship.

 

If you don't he is only going to go on doing the same thing until one of you tells him he can't anymore. You sound like you already know what you want to do.This isn't leading to anything good and I hope that you realize that for your own sake. I don't know what it is with guys, maybe because they are young or get scared, etc. for whatever reason they feel they have to date the entire gene pool, you don't need that. You sound like you have enough self respect to not stay at his level and go live your own life. There's a whole world waiting for you out there with dozens of nice guys that can appreciate you without this confusion. Do yourself a favor and get out of this because you don't sound happy.

 

I hope that helps. Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh, It wasn't meant to come out that way, I just hate to see this happen to someone.

anyone have any feedback out there on the tendency for men who are married or who have a girlfriend seeking out another woman when they already have one woman. it seems often for some woman she wants to be the one and only woman. i am not saying that men cannot be in love with more than one woman at a time or men in love with more than woman at a time, but sometimes things get complicated when a woman truly desires to be the only woman but has to compete with the knowledge that she is not the only woman.

[melody]

thanks this was some good feedback. i agree with everything you say. i'm not sure why it is that some men want to put you in this position but i often find myself having to deal with this scenario with different men i meet. i don't think you were harsh just truthful.i have ended that relationship but felt like i was made to feel that i was the one with the problem not him. the person was willing to leave his wife for me but i felt if this was something he did with me he would only do it again if i were to stay with him and he got tired.thanks for the encouragement you make a lot of sense. sometimes when in the middle of something we tend only to see through one lense but like you said there are other men out there so don't feel limited or confined.

Gosh that's a tough one. Anyway I look at it, it's tough enough being in a relationship with another person let alone having to deal with another woman in the picture. If I were you, I would have to think really hard about the possibility that this guy will choose only one of you someday and decide if you really want to get into that kind of situation. It sounds like you have had some time to deal with this but dating different people at the same time and having a relationship with two people are not the same. There's sex involved and usually someone winds up getting hurt whether it is intentional or not. Jealousy is not a good thing and I can tell you that even if you are not jealous now, you may be later or worse the other woman will be if you are not. There's always a lot of little things that tend to factor into the picture here but the bottom line is that it's just not good, for any of you.

 

My advice to you is let this relationship go. You are allowing yourself to be put on the sidelines here and at the same time he is getting all the benefits of this relationship. While you are in this relationship you are not opening yourself up to the possibility of having any new relationships and yet he is. Explain to me how that is beneficial to anyone but this guy? Talk to him and if he is not willing to make a choice then you need to make some decisions about getting on with your life, without him or this confusing relationship.

 

If you don't he is only going to go on doing the same thing until one of you tells him he can't anymore. You sound like you already know what you want to do.This isn't leading to anything good and I hope that you realize that for your own sake. I don't know what it is with guys, maybe because they are young or get scared, etc. for whatever reason they feel they have to date the entire gene pool, you don't need that. You sound like you have enough self respect to not stay at his level and go live your own life. There's a whole world waiting for you out there with dozens of nice guys that can appreciate you without this confusion. Do yourself a favor and get out of this because you don't sound happy. I hope that helps. Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh, It wasn't meant to come out that way, I just hate to see this happen to someone.

[Enigma]

I'm sure if his wife knew she weren't the only woman in his life, she might applaud your descision too!

anyone have any feedback out there on the tendency for men who are married or who have a girlfriend seeking out another woman when they already have one woman. it seems often for some woman she wants to be the one and only woman. i am not saying that men cannot be in love with more than one woman at a time or men in love with more than woman at a time, but sometimes things get complicated when a woman truly desires to be the only woman but has to compete with the knowledge that she is not the only woman.

[melody]

i think so too enigma, i was tempted to let her know but didn't but i'm sure wifes or woman who have cheating partners deep down probably know. he claims he was going to divorce her come the end of the year but that is yet to be seen.

I'm sure if his wife knew she weren't the only woman in his life, she might applaud your descision too!

[marzipan75]

Hi,

 

Good for you! I'm sure you're probably hurting right now but I think you are strong for what you've had to put up with and you made a good decision for your own sake. I'm glad that my suggestion helped. I really think you did the right thing here. I hope you are doing okay and if you ever need to talk, I check the boards all the time.

 

Believe me, I know what you did wasn't easy, but I understand how you are feeling and I think you are strong enough to get through this. And don't worry about feeling like you were the one with the problem, I don't know another woman who wouldn't have a problem with being in your situation and the fact that he didn't consider it a problem shows how insensitive and even cruel some men can be. Good for you! Good luck!

 

Marzipan

thanks this was some good feedback. i agree with everything you say. i'm not sure why it is that some men want to put you in this position but i often find myself having to deal with this scenario with different men i meet. i don't think you were harsh just truthful.i have ended that relationship but felt like i was made to feel that i was the one with the problem not him. the person was willing to leave his wife for me but i felt if this was something he did with me he would only do it again if i were to stay with him and he got tired.thanks for the encouragement you make a lot of sense. sometimes when in the middle of something we tend only to see through one lense but like you said there are other men out there so don't feel limited or confined.