New LDR

[Vic1298]

Hi everyone!! I am a young woman in my mid 20's who just started a LDR. My bf and I have been dating for a little over a month now. I have a lot of questions about how a LDR should work and I am hoping I can get some advice.

 

I dont know if most would consider ours a LDR because we live a little over an hour apart but with work it can make things pretty tricky. I also live at home with my parents and so I dont really ask my bf over because he wouldn't be able to stay the night after making the drive to see me. I can, however, stay the night at his house so I usually go to see him.

 

Here are some of my questions. As our relationship has been growing I find I want to spend more and more time with him. We usually only get to see eachother on the weekends but I wouldnt mind going to see him a couple of says during the week if I can. I know that he feels bad that I am the one driving all the time. I guess I am wondering should it be up to the guy to plan the dates and ask me out? Lately I feel like I am usually the one suggesting I go see him. Dont get me wrong, I know that he is happy I visit but I just wish he would do the asking some of the time. I try to drop a hint by saying "I have the day off tomorrow" hoping that he will ask me over, but he usually doesnt take the hint.

 

I guess my main questions are:

 

What is the norm for how often you should see eachother in a new LDR when you live this close?

 

Is it the guys job to always ask the girl over?

 

Is it normal to want to see your significant other every chance you can get?

 

And am I looking to pushy if I ask to go see him?

 

Thnaks for your help!

[Lil Honey]

I may have it all wrong, but it sounds to me like you are doing all the work in the relationship. You are spending money on gas and vehicle maintenance. You arrange to see him. It takes over an hour each way out of your weekend to see him and there isn't any time taken out of his weekend.

 

An hour in travel, at least to me (I live in a rural area) is no big deal. In fact, I can go further in a hour than someone who lives in a congested city. I guess I'm wondering why he doesn't expend some of his energy (and money) on driving to see you, if only to take you out to dinner or a movie. Just because you live an hour apart does not mean that there is this big, exhaustive transcontinental TREK.

 

I think I'd stop treating him to a booty call at his convenience and see if he steps up to the plate.

[SmoochieFace]

I don't see an hour apart as being an LDR. Where I live, it can take an hour just to go from one county to another!

 

I am in a LDR and my GF is a ten-hour drive from me - and that's pushing it.

 

As far as how often and who should be initiating... well, for me, my GF is so special and important to me that I want to see her as much as I can and I would gladly be the one to drive up to see her. I wouldn't expect my GF to do all the driving to see me. We have a balance in our relationship as far as that is concerned and I think your BF should take more initiative.

[Lil Honey]

I guess I should answer your questions . . .

 

What is the norm for how often you should see eachother in a new LDR when you live this close?

You've only been seeing each other for a few weeks. You should each still have time to yourselves. Even when I was married, my hubby and I weren't "attached at the hip" and my current relationship isn't that way either.

 

Is it the guys job to always ask the girl over?

No, it isn't the guys job. I think it's nice if BOTH people have input as far as where to go and what to do. I don't see it as a "guys job" to ask the girl, but I do see it as one-sided if only one person does the asking. It's like the other person isn't interested enough to ask or make any plans.

 

Is it normal to want to see your significant other every chance you can get?

I want to see my SO often, but I also know that he needs time to himself and I need time for me. I don't want to smother my SO nor do I want to feel smothered. A couple can do things together, yet still be individuals who have their own interests and times to relax.

 

And am I looking to pushy if I ask to go see him?

How you seem to him might be different than how you seem to someone else. Stop asking to visit him and see if he comes up with the idea himself. If he doesn't, go about your business without him. If he NEVER asks you, you pretty much have your answers.