not sure how to react, would love advice

[autumnrose_virginia]

Three months i met someone at work who was from another division in Europe (I'm in the states) who was traveling heavily to our local office. We became close friends and bonded quickly, starting a relationship. Though there was not talk of commitment, the sentiments were very clearly that we wanted to be together when he relocated. He had ended a relationship 2 months prior to us first meeting and openly discussed it. They still lived together as it was pointless for him to find a new place if he was immigrating so shortly. His ex was having a very tough time dealing with the breakup, but has genuinely emotionally unattached, patiently helping her deal with moving on. 2 weeks ago he moved here, and we bonded very tightly, talking of a future together.

 

Last week, his ex called him to see if he was happy, and would ever consider moving back (hoping he hated the states). He said no, and that he had met someone he had strong feelings for and had moved on. She was quite devastated but he hoped that the reality and honesty would help her to be able to move past him, which is actually did. When he told me about the conversation, he said that she was struggling with moving on because her feelings were still so strong, and this is because they had slept with eachother twice in the last 2 months, both times initiated by her and he accepted. It didn't bother me so much to hear this, than to her that the second time it happened was the night before he left. It was a huge shock to my system. They had a going away party, she was apparently hurt and angry at the reality of him leaving and initiated. He accepted. He was very open about it, and said there was no emotion whatsoever, it was purely a physical act and was so uncomfortable and felt so wrong that he made it end very quickly (under a minute). He regretted it afterwards, and had been wanting to tell me, even though we weren't in a formal "relationship".

 

Hearing it really tore me apart (especially as one week before he left we had been together in such a loving, special evening), which has in turn torn him apart. He can't bear the fact that it's hurt me so much and that it may lessen the words he has said to me. I asked him to recount the evening to me, and how he felt. He was honest enough to give me details that I probably should not have asked about (no hugging, kissing, just a quick sex act). I asked why he did it and he said, after four years, a tiny part of him wanted to see if there was "anything" there at all, knowing there wasn't, and also felt sorry for the pain she was going through in separation, hoping it would alleviate it though recognizing it wouldn't - and also because he was thinking with his dick. I appreciated the honesty.

 

I don't know if I'm overreacting. I do know that he is really in pieces, someone at work mentioned to me he looked terrible and had been crying, sayinig to them he may have destroyed the best thing that has and will ever happen in his life, all because of stupidity and selfishness.

 

We've spoken a lot over the past few days, he's devastated that he's caused so much hurt to me and has jeopardized what we could have, stating he wants nothing more than to move forward in a committed, monogomous relationship and work towards building a life together. What hurts him most is that the trust has been impacted.

 

I'd really appreciate other perspectives on this. I'm really struggling. This isn't someone who dates a lot - like me he has had long term relationships of several years. Am I overreacting? Is what he did under the circumstances not so unusual? I'm sorry this post is so long. Any insight would be very, very much appreciated.