I might have pushed her further away

[mra]

First of all, whoever reads all of this, THANK YOU!

 

My ex and I were together for almost 9 years. We have a 2 year old son together. We split up about 6 months ago. We split up due to my actions, selfishness and neglect towards her, and I did this for years. (I see this now and I refuse to be the person). I've dished out a lot of pain and hurt.

 

We even broke up for a year before we had my son. When we broke up the first time, she didn't want nothing to do with me. So after about a year, I was going to move out of the country with my new GF. When I told her my goodbye she didn't want me to leave and we hooked back up and along came our son.

 

Let me say I love my EX (mother of my son) with all of my heart and I really do want another chance with her, I want a chance to make her happy and provide a good life for her and my son.

 

I thought it would get easier with time but it actually just gets harder on me and my heart, but I've been giving her time and space.

 

Now she has another man which I had to find out for myself, when I asked if she had a new man several months ago she said no, but I did find out through other means.

 

Last week I accidentally took her cell phone when I was dropping off our kid at her house (we have the same identical cell phone). I noticed through her text messages she's also seeing and sleeping with another man, that's 2 people at the same time..... I didn't think she was like this. Although I didn't tell her I knew about that one....

 

I've been cool with her and her new bf, I've just told her to keep the guy(s) away from my kid and don't have them over and especially don't have them sleep-over while my kid is there. Unless you tell me where we stand and if it's over you can go about your life and do whatever you want. But they are getting serious, she spent thanksgiving dinner over at his familys house and she sleeps over at his house all the time, and now she wants to take our child over to his familys house on christmas day!@#

 

So the way it is between me and her right now is we're broken up of course, but between me and her it's "up in the air" I think. Also I watch my son 5 to 6 days a week and I'm a great father to him. My ex doesn't have him much because of her job and hours.. so here goes my dilemma.

 

When I dropped off her cell phone back to her after work, I asked her what she was doing for christmas. She said she wanted to keep him xmas eve and then come over xmas morning for presents and what not then take him half the day on xmas. I said why do you want to take him for half the day on xmas, she said I've been invited over to my boyfriends family house and I want to take my son over there. Then I laid the law down (which I probably shouldn't have) but I need to put my foot down somewhere and know where I stand so I can move on.

 

----MOST IMPORTANTLY------

 

I told her you're getting serious with this guy and you're involving our son (must not be too serious tho if she's sleeping with 2 guys). You NEED to tell me what you want to do, either it's defiantly over forever and we go about our lives and that's the end of it. You can find proper care for our son (so I don't have to watch him so much) and I can go about my own life OR we can attempt to work on this later down the road and go to counselor and help us fix our relationship and we can try to start over and give it another shot (OUCH!). She said I'm not 100% sure that it's over for good but if you want an answer now then yes it is. I said ok have a nice life with your new bf and our son. Then she kinda changed her mind. I told her she needs to THINK about us and where we are going and we need to set a time-line up for a decision instead of just acting like nothing has happened -- She said ok I'll think about it and give me about 2 months. She said this year has been hard for year and she just wants to get through this year and she'll think about it next year (2006).

 

She doesn't allow herself time to even think about it, she works 5 to 6 days a week, 10 hours a day, then she sleeps over her new bf's place most nights, and then she has a son on our days off, she's always busy and occupied. So I think she needs allow herself some alone time and think about the future and which roads we're gonna take at the crossroads.

 

Personally, I think it's worth the effort to try to fix, especially since we have a small child together. I also think a small part of her wants to try to fix this but a lot says no. Else she would have told me already to get lost and it's over for good, maybe I'm wrong?

 

So what do I do within these next fews months, how should I act towards her, and what should I do, what actions should I take?

[mra]

I also want to add, that I have been trying to give her space and time and not pushing her, letting her date whoever and just going with the flow. But when she told me that she wanted to take our son over to her new bf's familys house on christmas day, that pushed me over the edge and then I laided down the law. I know pushing her isn't good and it's also selfish but this is my heart and my life.

[Amethyst020]

Wow you have been thru so much especially @ this time of year. I am sorry. You are ABSOLUTELY correct to defend your son. DO NOT FORGET YOU are this DAD...others are imitation, 2nd hand. So just be there for him always in life. He'll realize it when he's older. So your persistance is very good. Ok so my cold heart says right now FORGET about her and THINK about your son. The rest will fall in place after...especially if it's meant to be.

 

Ironically while I was writing this to you a really good song was on my play list for my laptop...listen to this when you get a chance "Sometimes" by Clark Country (probably unknown artist). His song talks about love once...now lost...etc. It might help.

 

Keep in touch...

 

-Amethyst020