Aabbcc Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 Hi, I should start with a short background. I met this girl and we hit of immediately, we been with each other for two and a half weeks straight and even went traveling together. It’s is also very likely that she might be pregnant with our child. She has been engaged one year ago, but her ex cheated on her so she left him. Then her ex shows up after this weeks together (OC they have been in contact during this last year) and not only that, threatens her with that he can’t live without her and that he will take his own life if they can’t be together. She told me she is scared now and I am guessing mixed with the emotionally investment already made, and goes with him. We are in contact still and she tells me how much she misses me and want to meet me. But it seems she having a hard time to get away from him since he stay with her wherever she goes. What I like to know or get insight/perspective on is. Should I just wait patiently for her and put 0 pressure, and in that case for how long would be reasonable before it would be too self destructive? Or should I try to announce my presence to ensure her I am still around? I also OC like to know about the pregnancy, but I want be with this woman regardless if she is pregnant with our child or not. But the pregnancy makes me impatient, and if there is a child I want to be there for the whole journey. I all ready know that there’s other fishes in the sea, and that every person makes their own choices and she would be with you if you liked you, so please spare me those comments, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 What kind of fools have (what sounds like) copious amounts of unprotected sex in the two and a half weeks since meeting? I pray that the two of you are not pregnant because a child deserves parents who are far more sensible than the two of you. It's time to get real and behave like a responsible adult. If you want a kid, learn to act like a man who can plan the best outcome possible for his child. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 (edited) "Our third child "? You've been hanging out for 20 days non-stop and now you think she's pregnant? For all you know it could be her on/off ex if her story about pregnancy is true. This is way too much too soon. Sounds like you were a fun fling during one of their off times. Did you pay for this vacation? She knows where you are, no need to reach out.. Edited March 18 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 (edited) She knows you are around. She has chosen him. He may be emotionally manipulating her by threatening suicide but she still chose him. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. You were a rebound or a way to make him jealous. It's more likely that not that it's his baby, not yours. The earliest most sensitive pregnancy tests can detect pregnancy at 10 days but most women don't know to test until they miss a period. Edited March 18 by d0nnivain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aabbcc Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 49 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: She knows you are around. She has chosen him. He may be emotionally manipulating her by threatening suicide but she still chose him. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. You were a rebound or a way to make him jealous. It's more likely that not that it's his baby, not yours. The earliest most sensitive pregnancy tests can detect pregnancy at 10 days but most women don't know to test until they miss a period. Thank you, good point. A point I know my self but maybe just in need to hear from another person. He don’t live in her country. So no, it could not have been him if it turns out that she would be pregnant. He have not been here for a year. And they have sex with a condom, I even heard him say that when I met him in his rage jealousy. the problem is to reach out to her with this test since he now is in control. And he don’t let her out of sight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aabbcc Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: "Our third child "? You've been hanging out for 20 days non-stop and now you think she's pregnant? For all you know it could be her on/off ex if her story about pregnancy is true. This is way too much too soon. Sounds like you were a fun fling during one of their off times. Did you pay for this vacation? She knows where you are, no need to reach out.. I did not write third? it’s not her ex. He don’t live in her country. regardless this answer will be too long if I would explain everything in detail. It tock me 1 1/2 to explain it to my friend over the phone for him the get the full picture. So please keep to the context. I can add that I even met the ex and I can add that she don’t have sex without condom. Again how I would know something like this intimately and also by such short time…. Longer story. No not all on me, not for money. thank you for the aspect of fling, and where I am. Very much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
AllisonGMC Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 Hi Rke_s, I know you like this woman; however, what you’ve shared sounds like a lot of drama. You owe it to yourself to be happy and be with a woman who only wants to be with you. Minus the games, chaos and stress. It sounds like you were a fall guy. Let her take the pregnancy test and if the baby is yours take care of that responsibility. Then and only then remain friends with her for the child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aabbcc Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 4 minutes ago, AllisonGMC said: Hi Rke_s, I know you like this woman; however, what you’ve shared sounds like a lot of drama. You owe it to yourself to be happy and be with a woman who only wants to be with you. Minus the games, chaos and stress. It sounds like you were a fall guy. Let her take the pregnancy test and if the baby is yours take care of that responsibility. Then and only then remain friends with her for the child. Thank you for the wise, coaching and adult response that I can value. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aabbcc Posted March 19 Author Share Posted March 19 12 hours ago, basil67 said: What kind of fools have (what sounds like) copious amounts of unprotected sex in the two and a half weeks since meeting? I pray that the two of you are not pregnant because a child deserves parents who are far more sensible than the two of you. It's time to get real and behave like a responsible adult. If you want a kid, learn to act like a man who can plan the best outcome possible for his child. Please stop being this kind of internet troll, specially since your words only seem to show your own ignorans and inability to read text(yes the text has misspellings and grammar faults, but it is still very hard to interpret wrong). First of all, dose it really matter if it is a one night, 2weeks passion or a year, 10years? It all can end the next day as I am sure you know. The whole text, posting of this, the concern… show you about the responsibility. To be responsible for actions and the outcome of them. Care about causes and effects. The text shows you that I still care, and from my sight, my view on her has not changed, I am sure she would be a loving mother and her family would definitely assist her, my family when they get the information would do whatever it took to support. By your response I’ll also take it that you don’t see yourself as a fitting parent, I know I would not want to have a parent with your perspective and abilities as a role model. Thank god I did not. And for the best outcome for a child, I hope you lived in the real world one or two days, life is rarely as perfect as you would like, but sure be in a more stable situation would be preferable as every person probably alwas think, since things always can be a little bit better. But it really matters not if you still are ready to take your responsibility as an adult. No words from you bare meaning to the context of the topic since it was perspective on handeling the situation that was the request from as it is that was relevant and not a time machine and I spare my self from pathetic internet trolls like yourself. I wish you a good day. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 13 hours ago, Rke_s said: Hi, I should start with a short background. I met this girl and we hit of immediately, we been with each other for two and a half weeks straight and even went traveling together. It’s is also very likely that she might be pregnant with our child. She has been engaged one year ago, but her ex cheated on her so she left him. Then her ex shows up after this weeks together (OC they have been in contact during this last year) and not only that, threatens her with that he can’t live without her and that he will take his own life if they can’t be together. She told me she is scared now and I am guessing mixed with the emotionally investment already made, and goes with him. We are in contact still and she tells me how much she misses me and want to meet me. But it seems she having a hard time to get away from him since he stay with her wherever she goes. What I like to know or get insight/perspective on is. Should I just wait patiently for her and put 0 pressure, and in that case for how long would be reasonable before it would be too self destructive? Or should I try to announce my presence to ensure her I am still around? I also OC like to know about the pregnancy, but I want be with this woman regardless if she is pregnant with our child or not. But the pregnancy makes me impatient, and if there is a child I want to be there for the whole journey. I all ready know that there’s other fishes in the sea, and that every person makes their own choices and she would be with you if you liked you, so please spare me those comments, thank you. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, nobody does. All you can do is tell her you are there for her and willing to take responsibility for the child. After that, it’s out of your hands. Putting extra pressure won’t help, just gently remind her that you want to be with her no matter what. Going back to her emotional blackmailer of an ex was a horrible decision. Hopefully she’ll realize that and choose you, but don’t get your hopes too high. Just hang in there, and prepare for the worst. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aabbcc Posted March 19 Author Share Posted March 19 28 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: I don’t know what’s going to happen now, nobody does. All you can do is tell her you are there for her and willing to take responsibility for the child. After that, it’s out of your hands. Putting extra pressure won’t help, just gently remind her that you want to be with her no matter what. Going back to her emotional blackmailer of an ex was a horrible decision. Hopefully she’ll realize that and choose you, but don’t get your hopes too high. Just hang in there, and prepare for the worst. Thank you for your perspective. I been in this mind all the time even if it seems a bit desperate, but love makes you blind. And thank you telling me the obvious that I do need to hear from someone else then my own brain. Even if my heart wants to hear something different. /thank you Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 (edited) 1 hour ago, Rke_s said: And for the best outcome for a child, I hope you lived in the real world one or two days, life is rarely as perfect as you would like, but sure be in a more stable situation would be preferable as every person probably alwas think, since things always can be a little bit better. But it really matters not if you still are ready to take your responsibility as an adult. I do live in the real world. I know what it is to be overtaken by a wonderful connection and great sex, but I've never had unprotected sex, let alone an unwanted pregnancy. Also in the real world, if she chooses to stay with the other guy, she would quite possibly keep the pregnancy a secret, abort the fetus and nobody will ever know. She would likely not even tell you because she may fear that you wouldn't support her choice. You've got all the romantic notions of you and your family supporting her, but when faced with practicalities of raising an unplanned child and the sacrifices she'd need to make, her choice may not be the romantic one Edited March 19 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 (edited) Have you heard whether she is actually pregnant or not? Where do you plan to take things from here? There's no need for you to be a nasty flame troll to people who reply to your posts. Your writing is very poor and difficult to decipher then you beat people up for not "understanding". You just seem angry, bitter and annoyed that you had a nice fling, she dumped you and your little fantasy didn't play out as you imagined. . Edited March 19 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 17 hours ago, Rke_s said: I can add that she don’t have sex without condom. Again how I would know something like this intimately and also by such short time…. Longer story. Ahhhhh ? ? ? then how did you get her pregnant? I'm still not buying that this baby is yours. If her EX BF was in another country how can you be sure there wasn't another guy in between you & the EX? Before you do anything please get a paternity test once it is safe to do so. At this juncture, if she's with him, you may be out of luck. If she terminates the pregnancy that is her choice. If she keeps the baby, she most likely will put the other guy's name on the birth certificate. If she wanted to be with you, she would fully end things with the other guy. She's not doing that. I do not see you, her & happily ever after in your future. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aabbcc Posted March 19 Author Share Posted March 19 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: Ahhhhh ? ? ? then how did you get her pregnant? I'm still not buying that this baby is yours. If her EX BF was in another country how can you be sure there wasn't another guy in between you & the EX? Before you do anything please get a paternity test once it is safe to do so. At this juncture, if she's with him, you may be out of luck. If she terminates the pregnancy that is her choice. If she keeps the baby, she most likely will put the other guy's name on the birth certificate. If she wanted to be with you, she would fully end things with the other guy. She's not doing that. I do not see you, her & happily ever after in your future. Sorry. Well she would not terminate it, it’s not her believes and allso here it’s not legal. So here it is not her choice. Well it could happen that she would put his name, but that I would argue about. And hopefully that will not happen. No of course that is very truly, but not something I like to believe at this moment. Thank you for reflection. Link to post Share on other sites
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