gemmawatt Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 I (20F) met this guy at uni almost two months ago. He (26M) is very charming and funny, also he’s a lot more gentle than lots of other guys I’ve encountered. We bounded over singing karaoke with some common friends at the dorms, then we kept being friendly with each other until we had a moment for ourselves and kissed. Thing is he had to leave for work the next day and I left home for holiday. We kept talking almost 24/7 for two weeks and we agreed to meet again at the dorms at weekend, where we almost slept together but I am not the type to sleep around and I’ve only had one boyfriend before going to uni (and I was left heartbroken) so I didn’t give in even though I felt like it. The next week I went to his home in another city, where we did sleep together, he cooked for me, we watched movies, stand-ups since we both liked them. And this kept going on ever since. Every weekend I went to his. We had this weekend when we couldn’t see each other and he was very excited to finally get to see me again, so he asked me to come earlier, even if he’s at work, he wants to come straight to me at home. Thing is, he got me flowers for the first time this weekend, he waited for me at the train station as always, he hugged me forever under the rain and finally told me he fell in love with me, and that I’m everything he ever wanted, but this happened during sleeping together. Before going back to uni, at the train station we kept going back to each other, hugging a little more, and I felt like something was left unsaid. I felt like saying I love you, but I was afraid he didn’t feel like saying it back yet. In my language, there is a big difference between the meaning of “I fell in love with you” and actually loving someone. “I love you” is a way stronger sentence and it’s been a month, almost two since we’ve met. All my girlfriends tell me it’s too soon, that I’m rushing, even they are surprised at the rhythm this has been going at, because it took me forever to date someone back in highschool. Thing is, we got so much time just for ourselves to get to know each other those weekends, it was only the two of us in that apartment. I don’t feel like it’s too much, cause I feel like SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED, like I know him for half a year or something. Do you think it’s all too fast paced? Do you think we should have a better talk about our intentions before I actually engage myself more emotionally? I am in fact dating to marry, and I feel like I’ve found my peace with this one. No butterflies, no mixed feelings, no worries before my friends kinda wrecked my vision, just peace and quiet for my soul. He kinda charges my battery after a long week. So, do you think I’m rushing, or is it just the right person, right time? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 (edited) Are you from a culture that typically engages in dating to marry? Is he from the same culture/language? You seem to make a huge deal out of the semantics of expressing your feelings? Why is that? Is it because you're rushing yourself and actually don't feel it yet? Your friends kinda wrecked your vision? It's really your responsibility to pace yourself and try to enjoy yourselves. 60 days dating is the getting to know you period. This is when you see if you're a good fit. You claim there's "no butterflies", but most of your post sounds like a script from a romcom. Maybe you are too caught up in that if you can't even cough up telling him you love him? Edited March 19 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmawatt Posted March 19 Author Share Posted March 19 30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you from a culture that typically engages in dating to marry? Is he from the same culture/language? You seem to make a huge deal out of the semantics of expressing your feelings? Why is that? Is it because you're rushing yourself and actually don't feel it yet? Your friends kinda wrecked your vision? It's really your responsibility to pace yourself and try to enjoy yourselves. 60 days dating is the getting to know you period. This is when you see if you're a good fit. You claim there's "no butterflies", but most of your post sounds like a script from a romcom. Maybe you are too caught up in that if you can't even cough up telling him you love him? I don’t necessarily come from a culture that engages in dating to marry, but I don’t see myself spending time on someone I don’t see a future it. He is from the same culture, and I’m not rushing, I do actually feel it. I can tell we’re a good fit after the 60 days things, and he thinks the same too, but I just feel a little unsure. And I know it sounds like a Romcom, but this is exactly how it went. There’s no butterflies as in I don’t feel emotions in my stomach or anxiety, restlessness when it comes to seeing him or being with him. I just feel at ease. I just feel afraid to tell him I love him this soon. I am afraid he won’t feel like saying it back, or that he would say it back so he wouldn’t make it awkward but wouldn’t actually feel it. I don’t like the thought of loving someone sooner than I should, and having to wait for them to love me back. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 If you feel the love it's OK to say ILY even if it's only been a month. You already had sex with him. That should be the part that people delay but every body jumps into that. The words are not that scary. Don't go all in on marriage just yet. The sex is coloring your judgment. Finish school. Date for at least a year then you can talk about living together & /or marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 I think it's okay to say I think I am falling in love with you. This way you express yourself and your feelings without really putting the person into an uncomfortable position. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 11 hours ago, gemmawatt said: I (20F) met this guy at uni almost two months ago. He (26M) is very charming and funny, also he’s a lot more gentle than lots of other guys I’ve encountered. We bounded over singing karaoke with some common friends at the dorms, then we kept being friendly with each other until we had a moment for ourselves and kissed. Thing is he had to leave for work the next day and I left home for holiday. We kept talking almost 24/7 for two weeks and we agreed to meet again at the dorms at weekend, where we almost slept together but I am not the type to sleep around and I’ve only had one boyfriend before going to uni (and I was left heartbroken) so I didn’t give in even though I felt like it. The next week I went to his home in another city, where we did sleep together, he cooked for me, we watched movies, stand-ups since we both liked them. And this kept going on ever since. Every weekend I went to his. We had this weekend when we couldn’t see each other and he was very excited to finally get to see me again, so he asked me to come earlier, even if he’s at work, he wants to come straight to me at home. Thing is, he got me flowers for the first time this weekend, he waited for me at the train station as always, he hugged me forever under the rain and finally told me he fell in love with me, and that I’m everything he ever wanted, but this happened during sleeping together. Before going back to uni, at the train station we kept going back to each other, hugging a little more, and I felt like something was left unsaid. I felt like saying I love you, but I was afraid he didn’t feel like saying it back yet. In my language, there is a big difference between the meaning of “I fell in love with you” and actually loving someone. “I love you” is a way stronger sentence and it’s been a month, almost two since we’ve met. All my girlfriends tell me it’s too soon, that I’m rushing, even they are surprised at the rhythm this has been going at, because it took me forever to date someone back in highschool. Thing is, we got so much time just for ourselves to get to know each other those weekends, it was only the two of us in that apartment. I don’t feel like it’s too much, cause I feel like SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED, like I know him for half a year or something. Do you think it’s all too fast paced? Do you think we should have a better talk about our intentions before I actually engage myself more emotionally? I am in fact dating to marry, and I feel like I’ve found my peace with this one. No butterflies, no mixed feelings, no worries before my friends kinda wrecked my vision, just peace and quiet for my soul. He kinda charges my battery after a long week. So, do you think I’m rushing, or is it just the right person, right time? Words don’t matter that much. If your feelings are genuine, it doesn’t matter whether you tell him “I love you” now or in a year. Really, it’s not a big deal. What does seem a bit rushed is the relationship itself. You sound very enthusiastic. You talk about marrying, about “finding your peace” with him. But you’ve only known this person for a few months. You’re only 20 years old. You don’t have much experience. Perhaps the best course of action would be to slightly lower your expectations and not rush into marriage or anything like that yet. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 LOVE is different to so many and only you (OP) can truly determine if you are in LOVE. For some LOVE can happen at the FIRST HELLO. Link to post Share on other sites
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