SadSoul43 Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 (edited) So here is the story me and my ex-girlfriend became friends like seven months  ago while she was still in a relationship with another guy, so they broke up in December and then we started dating and we dated for two months she was in alcoholic, relationship was very romantic but there was one issue that she would always get mad and irritated over stupid little things and of course she was always drunk whether she is driving or she is at home. It was a 24 seven except the time she would be sleeping couple weeks ago all the sudden she started acting weird and I told her that we need to have a proper communication long story short one day I messaged her and asked if I could stop by and say hi real quick before leaving for work she ignored my message. She ignored my calls as I was heading to a gas station to get some cigarettes she drove passed me so I did honk the horn. She noticed my car, but still did not answer my call, so I stopped by the gas station got the cigarettes, and when I was pulling out of parking lot, I saw her coming back she looked at me and pretended that she didn’t even see me, so I got mad and I messaged her that if she was not interested in me, then she could’ve just let me know and I would move on and after half an hour she messaged me saying oh maybe I am little irritated because I feel like you are stalking me while she already knew that there’s the only gas station I go get the cigarettes from always insured we got pretty hot argument through messages and I told her to go ahead block me on everything. Sorry I forgot to mention that I found her on Tinder couple times, but she told me that she was bored and blah blah blah. so after she blocked me on everything, I tried to message her from a different number and told her that I was sorry and if we would have a better communication, things would not end the way they did. She did not respond at all and when I told her that if she was done with me, then I needed my stuff that I left at her place otherwise I would have to show up to her place with Police and then she immediately responded that she is going return my stuff and I can leave her outside her door when I asked what time she said tomorrow but never told me time ever since I have not heard anything from her and she still has my belongings .I stopped texting her and calling her I have been pretty sad and devastated.. now my question is should I still maintain no contact or should I reach out to her even though it only been a week for no contact?. Thank you for your opinion. I appreciate it. Edited March 19 by SadSoul43 Correction Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 You need to maintain NC  You also need to really think about a few things. You may have known her for 7 months but you only dated for about 4. Love is an awfully strong word for such a short interaction. She's Trouble with a capital T. As an alcoholic, the booze was always her 1st priority. You never were & never will be. If she was drunk 24/7 she never had the mental capacity to love you back because she was under the influence.  If she drives drunk, it's just a matter of time before she kills herself or somebody else. You really don't want to be messed up in that. God forbid you got her pregnant. The baby would have fetal alcohol syndrome at a minimum & maybe serious birth defects.  You wanted better communication. She is not capable of that because she's too drunk to think clearly. She felt smothered by you & then you overreacted & told her to block you everywhere. You seem surprised that she did what you told her to & blocked you. You want her back but you never really had her. NC will help you break free. You need the space & distance to figure out why you are so desperate to get back such a dysfunctional arrangement where she is incapable of returning your feelings. Her whole existence is solely about drinking. You were just . . . there. You have to want more for yourself -- a partner who is fully present, not constantly desensitized.  Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 3 hours ago, SadSoul43 said: So here is the story me and my ex-girlfriend became friends like seven months  ago while she was still in a relationship with another guy, so they broke up in December and then we started dating and we dated for two months she was in alcoholic, relationship was very romantic but there was one issue that she would always get mad and irritated over stupid little things and of course she was always drunk whether she is driving or she is at home. It was a 24 seven except the time she would be sleeping couple weeks ago all the sudden she started acting weird and I told her that we need to have a proper communication long story short one day I messaged her and asked if I could stop by and say hi real quick before leaving for work she ignored my message. She ignored my calls as I was heading to a gas station to get some cigarettes she drove passed me so I did honk the horn. She noticed my car, but still did not answer my call, so I stopped by the gas station got the cigarettes, and when I was pulling out of parking lot, I saw her coming back she looked at me and pretended that she didn’t even see me, so I got mad and I messaged her that if she was not interested in me, then she could’ve just let me know and I would move on and after half an hour she messaged me saying oh maybe I am little irritated because I feel like you are stalking me while she already knew that there’s the only gas station I go get the cigarettes from always insured we got pretty hot argument through messages and I told her to go ahead block me on everything. Sorry I forgot to mention that I found her on Tinder couple times, but she told me that she was bored and blah blah blah. so after she blocked me on everything, I tried to message her from a different number and told her that I was sorry and if we would have a better communication, things would not end the way they did. She did not respond at all and when I told her that if she was done with me, then I needed my stuff that I left at her place otherwise I would have to show up to her place with Police and then she immediately responded that she is going return my stuff and I can leave her outside her door when I asked what time she said tomorrow but never told me time ever since I have not heard anything from her and she still has my belongings .I stopped texting her and calling her I have been pretty sad and devastated.. now my question is should I still maintain no contact or should I reach out to her even though it only been a week for no contact?. Thank you for your opinion. I appreciate it. It doesn’t seem like a relationship worth pursuing at this point, First of all, I think you need to take a pause and meditate on your emotions and the way you’re handling them. You say you LOVE a person you’ve only known for a few months; that’s an awfully strong word. You say you were with her 24/7, which is really unhealthy; even in the most harmonious relationship, people need breaks from each other. Then you got mad when she obviously needed that break. But her problems seem to be even bigger. An alcoholic who drives?! That’s horrible, do you realize that she might hurt or kill someone? She needs to get help. Do you know her relatives, her friends? She needs to be cured of alcoholism before it’s too late.  1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 Please stay no contact and delete and block block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. At some level you know this is toxic and dangerous. Alcohol?. Police threats? What are you thinking? One of you is going to end up in jail if you continue this madness. Maybe she's hot,. maybe you're having a little fun playing with fire. But you know very well that this is an unhinged woman and don't be surprised if your car gets keyed or trashed. Please just stop. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 You really need to raise your standards, man.  1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SadSoul43 Posted March 20 Author Share Posted March 20 Istg i have lost over 45k for her and spent on her just to get to see, and shes doing this to me, my life is totally fuked up im lost, depressed, hard to focus on anything, i am not doing good at all and this is the first time a girl became a reason for my failure 😣 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 7 minutes ago, SadSoul43 said: Istg i have lost over 45k for her and spent on her just to get to see, and shes doing this to me, my life is totally fuked up im lost, depressed, hard to focus on anything, i am not doing good at all and this is the first time a girl became a reason for my failure 😣 She is not doing it to you. You are doing it to yourself. Blaming her for the way you feel now is like blaming rotten food for poisoning you. You knew it was rotten, yet it had an enticing smell and you foolishly ate three pounds of it. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. My friend’s wife just filed for divorce after 28 years of seemingly happy marriage and raising a kid together. Can you imagine how he feels? But things like this happen, and you need to toughen up and brace yourself for impact at all times. In your case, instead of falsely believing that your life is f***ed up, you should consider yourself lucky and thank God that you got out of a toxic relationship relatively unscathed.  1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 19 minutes ago, SadSoul43 said: Istg i have lost over 45k for her and spent on her just to get to see, and shes doing this to me, my life is totally fuked up im lost, depressed, hard to focus on anything, i am not doing good at all and this is the first time a girl became a reason for my failure 😣 Kindly, she is not the reason you failed. Truth is, you made a whole lot of bad decisions because you didn't enforce the boundaries you needed to protect yourself. The start of your recovery involves talking responsibility for your own actions and learning from them. What did you spend $45,000 dollars on in just a few months? Do you have any legal recourse to recoup your money...or was it all gifts? With the stuff which is still at her place, is any of it irreplaceable? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SadSoul43 Posted March 20 Author Share Posted March 20 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: Kindly, she is not the reason you failed. Truth is, you made a whole lot of bad decisions because you didn't enforce the boundaries you needed to protect yourself. The start of your recovery involves talking responsibility for your own actions and learning from them. What did you spend $45,000 dollars on in just a few months? Do you have any legal recourse to recoup your money...or was it all gifts? With the stuff which is still at her place, is any of it irreplaceable? None left, i texted her please return my stuff and she said she ll tomorrow when i asked what time she never responded back,  now i am confused why she wont return my s*** ? I did some research and the symptoms i had to deal with and it’s appears that shes BPD, NPD and a sociopath , i dug some of her past history and she has done with 5 to 10 other guys as well😞😞😞😞 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 1 hour ago, SadSoul43 said: None left, i texted her please return my stuff and she said she ll tomorrow when i asked what time she never responded back,  now i am confused why she wont return my s*** ? I did some research and the symptoms i had to deal with and it’s appears that shes BPD, NPD and a sociopath , i dug some of her past history and she has done with 5 to 10 other guys as well😞😞😞😞 BPD, NDP and a sociopath? All three?  Armchair diagnosing does nobody any good and only serves to put misinformation into the community. The reason she won't give you your stuff back is because you told her to block you/you're no contact. She's just doing it out of spite - and it's not terribly uncommon in breakups  Always get your stuff back before blocking someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 Please take responsibility for your own mental health and choices. Please don't waste your time diagnosing her. You willing wasted the time and money on her knowing she's unstable and trouble. Try to get your belongings back peacefully. Please remember that when you play with fire, you get burned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 You chose to spend $45,000 on this alcoholic trainwreck in 4 months. That is on you. She may be a con woman or you may be naive. But she never held a gun to your head.  This is an expensive lesson learned. So now what? It's time to pick yourself up & dust yourself off & rebuild your life.  You need to understand why you fell for this. You need to make a plan to go forward. What do you want to do in life? What action steps do you need to take to get there? there's no time like the present.  If you want your stuff back, go over there & get it. Stop waiting for her to accommodate you.  She's probably already moved on to the next sucker.  Link to post Share on other sites
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