Advice, Please help

[Droomlis]

Anyone who can offer any inteligable advice please do so. I'v racked my brains for a week now and I still cannot come to a conclusion. Let me give you some backround first.... I'v been going out with my girlfriend for almost...3 years now in march. I'm 20yrs old(almost 21) she is 23 yrs old. I got into this relationship after I broke up with my last gf of 2 years. Which all in all was about a 2 month transistion.FYI I'v been staying at her house working with her father. Now I know your thinking it....You got into this realtionship by default and this is very true. And this is the way I felt for the first 2 years. Now things have changed. Beacuse I started to fall in love with her(NOT LUST), I really do care for her. She has been in ....this relationship on her part by default aswell....the default that comes when your 20yrs old and don't have a boyfriend. But she always show me she cared and would tell me often that she loved me more then I loved her.

 

Now that you have some backround(and do please ask more if more is required). This is my "fork in the road". In about 2 months she is going with her friend(which is a partygirl at age 30 something) to Las vegas. Now my girlfriend for whatever reason ;P ...is being secretive about this. At first she told me she was thinking about going. Now she is going. And for me all this would be fine if it wasn't for the circumstances around it. However, my girlfriend friend is going to be inviting some of her guy friends and girl friends. (who I have no clue on who these people are but judging her caliber...my intuision tells me they are party people aswell). So while they are there they will be probably hanging out in the same hotel room(and drinking),ect and while they there...they're going to see male strippers and female strippers. Now I could ask to go...But I figured if she wanted me to go she would have asked me.

 

And believe this or not...In the first 2 years of our realtionship I would have been fine with this. But now that I really do care for her(and I show her aswell). We have been talking about moving out and getting our own appartment ect...You know, starting to make it on our own. And I see this trip she is making as a step backward and I donno if she does or not. Around a month and a half ago Her brother's gf(the gf he is going to mary), Was going to do something very similar for her 21 birthday and my gf thought that it was wrong.

 

So agian back to this fork thing....I'm confused about what I should do. I want to confront her but I know this will not change who she is. And if she feels this is something she must do then I want her to do it. However If these things in her life are not fullfilled yet, I don't want to keep them from her but on the otherside of the card I do not wish to wait for her and end up possibly getting hurt(as was the case with my last gf). So I was thinking about sticking it out untill she goes to las legas and hoping she changes her mind on her own. I feel this might be the wrong way to go about it aswell....And these are the only to paths I see right now. Please help

[JadeStar]

Why has she not asked you to go too? perhaps you should mention to her that you're surprised she didn't invite you along. However, if you feel things are ok between you both right now, and she goes, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, since she hasn't done anything to make you think otherwise.

 

 

 

Jade

[Droomlis]

Well.... I'm assuming she didn't ask me to go beacuse it was like a thing for her to be wild or whatever....But maybe I should ask her if i could go...Maybe she just was thinking I wouldn't be intrested in going. I know she hasn't done anything to make me think otherwise. I'd like to think i'm no fool tho. You mix a guy and girls and my gf told me she was getting wasted... and going to a strip club....I dunno...

[thekiss]

Droomlis,

 

I don't know how someone is in a relationship by "default" for two years and THEN realizes he is in love. Two years seems like a long time for a rebound relationship.

 

Anyway, she probably didn't ask you because you aren't 21. In vegas alot of stuff is off limits until you're of age. I've been out with people that weren't allowed to go to the same places a bunch of us could go, and the underager ends up going home by themselves. I'd imagine this would be a complete drag and she probably doesn't want to put you in that predicament.

 

It doesn't seem to me that this girl has given you a reason to not trust her. The person that I think is more in question is you. Why would you lead her to believe that for the first two years you were in love when you self admittedly were not. Maybe what's happening here is that you are transposing on her what you would have done or what you would do if YOU were in the same scenario as she is.

 

I say, leave it alone. If you are truly in love with her now, trust has to be there for the relationship to grow. I guess, if you are VERY curious you could ask her why you didn't get invited, but I wouldn't launch into the whole partying with guys thing.