Wanting to meet ppl, dating.

[Joe]

5 years of being single, doing nothing to meet people. Lonely, depressing but that's all done and over with now. I want to meet and get involved in a relationship! I wanna go out there and somehow meet a girl and start looking for the one I'm suppose to be with.

 

Problem is, I'm not quite sure on how to meet women. I am not quite sure on how to make the contacts, how to act, how to approach them and for what reasons.

 

I don't know what will work and what won't, I don't wanna put myself in a place where I feel like a complete moron or retarded.

 

I'm shy, I want to overcome this. I don't talk much, I am now starting to socialize a tad bit more by going to parties, just one so far, and even went to a bar tonight with someone. I don't like the method of meeting in a bar, because usually everyone is drunk.

 

Besides, I'm not big on getting drunk. Yes, going to a bar and grill is fun, but I'm not looking to date a slut (pardon my language, sorry) that's running around with their boobs hanging out. I can't seem to get to trust a girl that dresses like that.

 

I live in a small town of like 19,000 people, maybe more. We do have a university, but I do not attend college. Not really much to do. We have a small mall, not much in it things like 2 resturants, aracade, JC Penny's, radio shack, a movie theater and some other misc. shops. Really, it's more like a hallway.

 

Then we have walmart, ok I'm not quite sure how you could meet someone there. I'm sure there is a way, but I have no idea and would need advice on this?

 

We have a public library, though it's not really popular and not many people goes there. Of course we have a library for the college, again I'm not a college student.

 

Of course we have 2 bar and grills, we have a few other bars. I don't think a bar as a meeting place cause I don't want a drunken slut. "Daddy, how did you meet mommy?" "Well son, we met when I caught her before she hit the floor when she accidentally fell off a stool because she was drunk at a bar. Later when she puked on me, I knew she was the one for me".

 

Of course there are some other stuff, I can't think right off the bat what else there is. In all honesty, I don't mind a beer here and there, maybe a few beers but I do not enjoy getting drunk. I use to drink all the time, I'm 20 now, but when I was 17 I almost got alcohol poison because I drinked so much, so yeah I'm pretty scared now to even drink because of it.

 

Mainly because all my friends and family were scared that I drinked way to much and it was gonna kill me. Any advice would be awesome and appreciated, the only thing that stops me is I do not wanna look like a dumba$$ and I don't wanna feel retarded.

 

I don't wanna try and talk to a girl, get all nervous and look like an idiot. I get nervous and my mind goes blank.

[Miss Mojo]

hi joe,

 

i kind of understand your theory on bars not always being the best place to meet people, but i have to quash a myth....not all chicks in bars are sluts.

 

i go to bars sometimes, i get drunk once in a blue moon, and i am certainly not a slut. i'm not taking offence to your comment or anything, so don't worry about that. i'm just letting you know that some decent girls do go to bars.

 

i always used to believe that the only kinds of guys who go to bars are ones who want one-night stands and p!ssheads who i don't want anything to do with. sure, some guys in bars are like that, but they're the ones i avoid.

 

bars can actually be really good places to meet a lot of people. you can weed out the duds, and you can make room for the really nice chick who's just hanging out at the bar after work for something social to do. a lot of girls would be glad to hear that you don't want a chick who is falling out of her clothes. a lot of guys seem to want that....yuk.

 

it's good to hear you drink in moderation....at least you won't go making any crazy decisions because you're judgment was off and you were wearing beer goggles. and besides, a drunk is such a huge turn-off.

 

just shop around for a while...everywhere you can. you're bound to attract someone really nice if you show a bit of confidence in things. you seem like you have a lot going for you, and that's what attracts a lot of girls.

 

good luck

[Artlover]

I agree with Miss Mojo. I live in a big city and still not everyone I've seen in a bar situation has been sex obsessed or unintelligent. Just a lot of people blowing off steam after work or hanging with their friends. I would certainly think in a small town with not much to do, there are probably many nice, but bored women to be found in your local bar.

 

Also, just because you're not a college student doesn't mean you can't take a class. Most colleges and universities have continuing education courses for adults. Just take a class thet you're SINCERELY interested in and perhaps you can meet a woman who you have something in common with. If you do anything creative like paint or write, take a class like that. Even if it's just a hobby. I always meet people when I take a writing workshop. ALWAYS.

hi joe, i kind of understand your theory on bars not always being the best place to meet people, but i have to quash a myth....not all chicks in bars are sluts. i go to bars sometimes, i get drunk once in a blue moon, and i am certainly not a slut. i'm not taking offence to your comment or anything, so don't worry about that. i'm just letting you know that some decent girls do go to bars. i always used to believe that the only kinds of guys who go to bars are ones who want one-night stands and p!ssheads who i don't want anything to do with. sure, some guys in bars are like that, but they're the ones i avoid. bars can actually be really good places to meet a lot of people. you can weed out the duds, and you can make room for the really nice chick who's just hanging out at the bar after work for something social to do. a lot of girls would be glad to hear that you don't want a chick who is falling out of her clothes. a lot of guys seem to want that....yuk. it's good to hear you drink in moderation....at least you won't go making any crazy decisions because you're judgment was off and you were wearing beer goggles. and besides, a drunk is such a huge turn-off. just shop around for a while...everywhere you can. you're bound to attract someone really nice if you show a bit of confidence in things. you seem like you have a lot going for you, and that's what attracts a lot of girls. good luck

[Joe]

I hate this type of answer, nothing personal. I shouldn't of mentioned the college in our town or bars. You see, I can't just take a class.. for one I did s***ty in high school. Sure, I passed and I made A's and B's every now and then, but a majority were C's and D's.

 

I didn't take my SAT or ACT. My parents wouldn't pay for my college, won't pay for a class even. I sure in the hell do not have the $$$ to go to college or take a class, I don't have a credit card and even tho trying to apply for credit, I've been turned down.

 

I wish people could understand that if I could go to college, I would in a heartbeat or take a class. But even if so, unless I am goign to get a degree, why would I spend so much money to go to college class just to meet chicks?

 

Bars bars bars. Yes, the bar in some aspect is nice. But, I don't know about other states, in my state you have to be 21 to drink, I'm 20.

 

Some bars are ok, but in most cases I do not like the bar type situation. I'm not exactly a Brad Pitt, I'm not great looking. I hate it because here I am, then there is some other hot shot guy that is like a model hitting on chix.

 

You would think that I would meet someone through my job. I'm a TV Photographer for a local TV station and I do so much in the outside world and see so many peeps. No chick has ever approached me tho.

[marzipan75]

Have you considered online dating? They have this site Match.com, you punch in your zip code and it will bring up possible people in your area who take part in the onlin dating program and if you are interested you need to take your picture and register on there. It's an interesting and anonymous way to begin. It's a start anyway. Another idea I have, which I have recently used myself because I'm fairly new to the dating circuit (one month!) is going to parks and walking or biking or running. It doesn't matter whether your into exercising or not, a lot of people go and just walk around and people watch. Going to the park takes a little time but you will meet people there.

 

About the shyness: You need to see if you can't work on that a bit. Talk to your friends, watch them, see how they are, practice in front of a mirror when you are by yourself. Visualize talking to someone at like a bar or something and literally practice having a conversation. When you do finally meet someone, the strategy I use is to pretend like they are one of your friends that you've known forever. I'm totally serious, you need to think of it in terms of "Well, if they don't like me then we'll probably never have to see eachother again and so what have I got to lose anyway". You need to remember that all the time because it does help, a lot!

 

Small town dating is not easy, but neither is big city dating. You will find nine times out of ten that you will be going to a bar or a club and initially that is how you begin to meet people. It's all done through functions like that, a party here, a gathering there, a trip to the movies. Think of every outing as a potential opportunity to meet women and don't be afraid to look at girls and make eye contact with them.

 

Go out w/your friends. Find out what your single friends do (if anything) to meet women, where they go and go on with them. You are going to have to make some lifestyle changes here and it sounds like you can't decide whether or not you want to do this. Well, you will if you want to make an effort to start meeting people. And don't worry, you will find that somebody. Someone told me once that when you are least looking for it is usually when you are most likely to find it. That can go both ways, but the point I wanted to make is that really anywhere you go you could wind up meeting someone. So don't turn down a trip to the mall with friends or even Walmart (like you said) because sometimes you can strike up a conversation that will change your life.

 

Good luck. I think you're going to do ok.

 

5 years of being single, doing nothing to meet people. Lonely, depressing but that's all done and over with now. I want to meet and get involved in a relationship! I wanna go out there and somehow meet a girl and start looking for the one I'm suppose to be with. Problem is, I'm not quite sure on how to meet women. I am not quite sure on how to make the contacts, how to act, how to approach them and for what reasons. I don't know what will work and what won't, I don't wanna put myself in a place where I feel like a complete moron or retarded. I'm shy, I want to overcome this. I don't talk much, I am now starting to socialize a tad bit more by going to parties, just one so far, and even went to a bar tonight with someone. I don't like the method of meeting in a bar, because usually everyone is drunk. Besides, I'm not big on getting drunk. Yes, going to a bar and grill is fun, but I'm not looking to date a slut (pardon my language, sorry) that's running around with their boobs hanging out. I can't seem to get to trust a girl that dresses like that. I live in a small town of like 19,000 people, maybe more. We do have a university, but I do not attend college. Not really much to do. We have a small mall, not much in it things like 2 resturants, aracade, JC Penny's, radio shack, a movie theater and some other misc. shops. Really, it's more like a hallway. Then we have walmart, ok I'm not quite sure how you could meet someone there. I'm sure there is a way, but I have no idea and would need advice on this? We have a public library, though it's not really popular and not many people goes there. Of course we have a library for the college, again I'm not a college student. Of course we have 2 bar and grills, we have a few other bars. I don't think a bar as a meeting place cause I don't want a drunken slut. "Daddy, how did you meet mommy?" "Well son, we met when I caught her before she hit the floor when she accidentally fell off a stool because she was drunk at a bar. Later when she puked on me, I knew she was the one for me". Of course there are some other stuff, I can't think right off the bat what else there is. In all honesty, I don't mind a beer here and there, maybe a few beers but I do not enjoy getting drunk. I use to drink all the time, I'm 20 now, but when I was 17 I almost got alcohol poison because I drinked so much, so yeah I'm pretty scared now to even drink because of it. Mainly because all my friends and family were scared that I drinked way to much and it was gonna kill me. Any advice would be awesome and appreciated, the only thing that stops me is I do not wanna look like a dumba$$ and I don't wanna feel retarded. I don't wanna try and talk to a girl, get all nervous and look like an idiot. I get nervous and my mind goes blank.

[Artlover]

No offense taken, however, I never suggested you take a class JUST to meet "chicks." Most people have hobbies or interests that they might want to learn more about. That would be a way of killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. Just like volunteering your time at a soup kitchen or some other charitable organization can put you in contact with other caring, like-minded individuals. That's all I meant.

 

Whether it's bars, college, Walmart or the zoo, it sounds like there's more going on here than you just needing ideas on places to meet women. You have lots of excuses and put a negative spin on everything. Perhaps it's really fear that's holding you back. Maybe you're still not ready to date. 20 is young. Maybe you need to learn more about yourself for now and concentrate on figuring out what you want to do with your life, before getting into a relationship. Just a thought.

 

By the way, to think you can change your life by doing the exact same thing again and again and rigidly refusing to go out on a limb or make some major lifestyle change, is unrealistic at best. Don't be afriad to try something NEW!

I hate this type of answer, nothing personal. I shouldn't of mentioned the college in our town or bars. You see, I can't just take a class.. for one I did s***ty in high school. Sure, I passed and I made A's and B's every now and then, but a majority were C's and D's. I didn't take my SAT or ACT. My parents wouldn't pay for my college, won't pay for a class even. I sure in the hell do not have the $$$ to go to college or take a class, I don't have a credit card and even tho trying to apply for credit, I've been turned down. I wish people could understand that if I could go to college, I would in a heartbeat or take a class. But even if so, unless I am goign to get a degree, why would I spend so much money to go to college class just to meet chicks? Bars bars bars. Yes, the bar in some aspect is nice. But, I don't know about other states, in my state you have to be 21 to drink, I'm 20.

 

Some bars are ok, but in most cases I do not like the bar type situation. I'm not exactly a Brad Pitt, I'm not great looking. I hate it because here I am, then there is some other hot shot guy that is like a model hitting on chix.

 

You would think that I would meet someone through my job. I'm a TV Photographer for a local TV station and I do so much in the outside world and see so many peeps. No chick has ever approached me tho.

[2b_or_not_2b]

I think you're still pretty young. You said you were 20 right? I think you should worry about much. You still have plenty of years left. Just go out and enjoy as much as possible. You don't need girls to make your life any better. You need to make your life better first, then everything will come =) Hope this helps =)

[lioness]

joe...you're going to have to put your ego on the line to meet someone. no one likes rejection, but you'll extinguish your fear by just doing it. and it's true...not all people that go to bars are awful. you just have to use good judgement. obviously, the girl who's stumbling around laughing and flirting with 10 different guys throughout the night is not the one to approach. oh, and a word of advice...don't use corny lines to pick up a girl. matter of fact, don't think of it as "picking up a girl" think of it as introducing yourself and starting a conversation...because that's exactly what you should be doing. none of this..."do your feet hurt? because you've been running through my mind all night long" business. just be sincere, kind, and interested. and if the girl shruggs you off...so what. at least you tried. stand tall, be nice, be confident...and let the rest happen naturally....and always smile. everyone is so much more attractive when they smile! good luck to you!