What to do? ive made a real mess.

[Crappo_The_Clown]

Hi

 

To give you some background ive been with my gf for nearly 2 years, i have my own house but i have been staying with her most of the time for about a year. The plan was for me to sell my house in the new year move in together then buy our own house when we found the right place. until last week.

I went out on the piss last thursday and got really pissed and ended up getting a taxi down the road with a girl who stays nearby. I ended up swapping numbers with her but nothing else happened. when i got back to my gf house i put the key in the door but didnt go in, instead i chose to sit on the step texting this girl. My gf heard me trying to get in and came down the stair worried to find me outside the door texting. The look on my face made her suspicious so she took my phone when i passed out ans saw the msgs. I have next to no recollection of any of it, and i swear i have never even so much as looked at anyone else in our time together and what i did is out of character but i did.

Anyway she allowed me to stay in the house for the next few days(mainly so i wouldnt just go to the pub and drown(which i wouldnt have) but also to babysit and to generally kick **** out of me when the mood took her) I work away from home and am now back there over the xmas period. I have tried begging, writing letters, e-mails, phone calls i have hardly slept or ate for a week, im exhausted and i feel like im going out of my mind. She is naturally gutted but i know she loves me, thats why it hurts so much. I just cant convince her to give me a 2nd chance. What can i do? i will honestly never let her down again i love the bones of her, she is the one for me, but naturally she doesn't think she can.

She has a daughter from a previous relationship who i also adore and miss. I wont do anything stupid but at the same time i really cant see the point or face life without her. I dont know what to do anymore im at my wits end to the point where im making myself ill. I know its my own doing and while im feeling this so is my gf but i deeply regret what happened and im so sorry.

 

Please give me some advice.

[pippen_2k]

Yeah mang you f***ed up, and im guessing you have crushed her heart and trust towards you...

 

We make mistakes in life, and im sure most of us have done silly things like you did ( probably got away with them mind you ), but thats done now.

 

Id just tell her ONCE how I felt and admitt what I did was wrong and the door was open to her. From there you gotta back the hell off and give her time to herself.

 

She needs time to put things into perspective and to choose if you get another chance. I know it seems so small and innocent to you but once the trust is gone it will be forever playing on her mind.

 

The ball is in her court. Do not hound her or you lessen your chances of a 2nd chance.

[Crappo_The_Clown]

Thanks for replying

 

I feel that maybe backing off for a bit would be a good idea but she is a very strong minded person. If im not bombarding her with beggings of forgiveness she thinks im not giving a toss or i would back off. I have to contact her first but we only go round the same circles of me begging her for another chance and telling her i'll spend my whole life making it up to her and apologising and her telling me i have no chance. I end up breaking down and hanging up and she will always phone back or e-mail me so i have to at least take that as i sign i even have the minutest chance. I could tell her like you say that the door is open to her but i know her pride wont allow that and she'll be outraged that i dare to think she can come to me if she wants us back together. Im offshore at sea just now and im going insane my head feels like it will explode.

[Becoming]

First of all, I hesitate giving you what might work because I'm not sure you're taking responsibility for your actions, and until you do, you're going to continue to feel like crap about yourself and invite all manner of garbage like this problem into your life. You evidently have a pattern of drinking to excess, which is why she lets you stay there--out of fear you'll get pissed and do something even more stupid. Grow up already and quit poisoning your life with this poison. Then what follows has a chance of working, but unless you're willing to quit the drinking to excess, don't bother to read what follows.

 

Let her know you understand what she's feeling--betrayed, like she'll be forever wondering if she can trust you, hurt, wondering about whether she's wasting her time on you. Ask her to forgive you, promise her you'll never do it again and that you'll prove good if she'll give you another chance. Tell her you'd understand if she walked away but that you hope she won't because you love her.

 

And if you're really committed to her, marry her (if you both want this relationship to last forever) and devote your life to making her happy.

 

Regardless of what happens, quit blaming alcohol for your stupidity.

[Crappo_The_Clown]

Thanks

 

What you have just said echoes everything i already know. ive told her ive stopped drinking (i certainly wouldnt say i was an alcoholic but any arguments or problems we have happen when ive been drinking) but naturally she doesnt believe anything i say just now.

 

Thanks for the advice, its been taken on board.

[Art_Critic]

If you want to fix this you will need to quit drinking.. Show her that it really was a mistake.. if you don't quit she will never trust you again..

 

If your getting drunk to the point of losing your memory then you need to look long and hard at whether or not you have a drinking problem..

 

By the way.. She has a child to consider.. A drunk possibly cheating boyfriend isn't a good person to have around a child..

 

 

Either grow up and try to fix it or move on..

[pippen_2k]

I hounestly dont know anyone who doesent drink.. and thats no lie! so I think the advice to quit altogether is a little overboard..

 

Or drinking could just be the Aussie Way! lol

[Becoming]

I hounestly dont know anyone who doesent drink.. and thats no lie! so I think the advice to quit altogether is a little overboard..

 

Or drinking could just be the Aussie Way! lol

 

Or you some need new friends! Truly fun people don't need drinking to do what they want.

 

CC--I was hard on you, and you took it well, which indicates to me that you're sincere. I thought you needed a little bonk on the head to wake up! AC's right--she has a child to consider, and caring for the most vulnerable has to come first in life. That's just the way the universe is set up to work well. When we tend to that which is most tender and vulnerable, love can grow. When we violate that, it can't. That goes for us as well as others.

 

I foresee the possibilities for a tender tend-er in you if that's the path you choose to walk over against one of selfish self-indulgence. You can have help here at LS in learning how if you want it.

 

Best wishes!

[Crappo_The_Clown]

Spoke to her over the phone tonight to be honest things are worse, I have stuff at her house(most of my wardrobe amongst other things) and she is threatening to wreck it. she has been to see about a house swap which may result in her daughter having to move schools. i really hope this is just a threat to make me feel bad as this would just destroy me. I have caused so much chaos over a drunken moment of utter utter craziness which is bad enough but did it have to happen on my own doorstep? Im really not sure if there is a way back but i have to keep trying as i truly love her. She feels she cant give it another go as theres nothing exclusive about us now because i am dirty and 2nd hand. I love her so much and i would do anything to get her back and i swear that in the long run i'd make sure it was the right decision. If my actions cause her to have to move and her daughter to move schools, i'd never live with myself.

[Crappo_The_Clown]

Having looked around a few of the threads on here alot of people suggest leaving things for a few months or as long as it takes. I would be quite prepared to do this but i am so scared that if i do this my gf will just move on and maybe even start seeing someone else, that would just kill me. I dont think the backing off tactic would work as my gf would just see that as me not being interested but im hitting a brick wall whatever i try just now.

[Becoming]

I think you're going to have to tell her what you intend and then follow through with action in whatever way she'll let you. If she sees you really mean the love you profess, she may take you back. But you're going to have to respect her need to lick her wounds and let her know your door is open when she's ready.