Depression/Anxiety what a beast you are

[ponder24]

Well I KNOW there are many out there who have suffered or know of someone who has suffered from depression anxiety or both.

Here's my story, my mother, now 50, I am 24, has suffered with both since her mid 30's. I got to witness it all as a child,,I could look at her face and body posture and know if she was having a good day or bad day. It was hard on the family, very sad at times. She struggled with it,,went on different medications, some helped some did not. There are 2 instances I recall,,being young like 11 or 12, where she looked at me and asked if I would be ok if she wasn't around,,that she just didn't think she could go on any longer, and once I found her in the hot tub,,she had taken too many pills and almost drowned. Boy was that fun for a kid!(sarcasm) It was just a sad time,,I really dredded coming home, but I would sit with her,,and could read her very well, and I think could make her feel better. So she has been battling with it ever since. It kinda comes and goes for her. She is a perfectionist, skeptical, her mind goes a mile a minute, constantly doing things, researching, loves saving money,but when something goes wrong,,even something little, she freaks out,,,then gets herself into a depressed state. Everything was going okay,,I don't think she had even been taking med's, and then she got in a car accident,,,everyone ok,,but it was her fault. She just couldn't handle something being her fault, and it all started again. It is just so draining for the family. I really don't think my mom even thinks about how her behavior(I know it's out of her control) affects us,,and how much we are in pain too. My dad has dealt with it for so many years,,I think he just kinda waits it out,.probably doesn't even know what to say. I realize however how potentially dangerous it is, b/c she loses the urge to fight it, and wants to give up. She beats herself up inside,,and she just cannot stop thinking about it,,and asking herself well what if I did this or that etc. I had a sit down talk with her right after the car accident,,and I thought I said some things that maybe helped her,,make her look at how she approaches situations differently, but it just seems like nothing is working. I just fear something "big" happening,,god forbid, someone gets really hurt or dies,,,I think she would go over the edge. She takes Klonapin,,which thank god will dull the feelings enough for her to cope. I know this "episode" will fade (especially when spring/summer comes)I have tried to convince her to talk to a specialist,,she claims she has in the past and they don't help her. I was thinking about getting that Lucinda Basset Attacking depression and anxiety package(very $) but dont know if it will work. It is worth a try,,,anyone have any suggestions???? I also fear that I may develop this problem,,I know it is highly genetic, my mom's mom had a form of it,,,I see myself a little bit having similiar tendencies,,luckily for me,,if it EVER got even remotely close to what it is for my mom,,I will without a doubt get help,,plus I understand it from a medical viewpoint(I have medical background) I think if you understand how and why it is happening you can get a grip of it. I really do think it is in the person to control it.

[whichwayisup]

I suggest trying to get her into CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) and also there is a book by Sam Obitz, "been there, done that, try this!" it is a good one to help you and your mom through the anxiety.

 

I feel for what you've been through! To see your mom go through everything must have been (and still is) hell.

You are a strong person! I hope you're doing okay!

 

I really do think it is in the person to control it.

 

Which is what CBT does! Helps you gain control back, teaches you a new way of thinking and retraining the brain to be more positive and clear. Taking back the control is what it's all about.

 

IN the meantime, try your best to convince her of CBT. Also, get her to do a daily journal of her thoughts/feelings. Getting it out will help.

 

No more coffee, chocolate or anything that has a high caffeine in it, that will only make her feel worse too. Does she exercise? If not, maybe do some yoga together, or a brisk walk around the neighbourhoood. A small amount each day WILL do wonders for not only the body, but her mind too.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

[ponder24]

Yes I will keep posting,,and thankyou for your advice. That is one thing she mentioned,,she misses taking walks, bike rides outside,,we are in cold Pennsylvania, and I don't think going to the gym is nearly the same. I am going to keep at her,,as frustrated as I am with it,,,sometimes I don't want to be the one who deals with it...I am going to b/c I know she will be a much happier person if she can think differently,,besides the physical stress that it bring, which in turn means I can be a happier person. I am doing ok, I have no resentment, it's life,,I realize that,,and I could have had it a lot worse you know.