Just a reminder: Take a deep breath!

[CaliGuy]

Ok here is something I have had to learn to do that has really helped me immensely.

 

When you receive an email (or call) from the Ex, resist the urge to write/call back right away. In fact, stay hidden in IM programs and don't let them see you online. Let the call go to vm. There are two reasons for this:

 

1. When you fire back a message or answer a call right away you rarely have time to do so without the clutter of feelings hampering your judgement. You're off guard, taken aback. Take a deep breath, walk away from the comptuer and don't answer the phone. Wait and listen to the VM message if they leave one. Then, after you have had a night to think it over you may find out you don't need to respond at all. Your brain will push some of those feelings aside and allow you to respond in a way that keeps your self-respect.

 

2. When you respond right away the message you are sending your Ex is "I need every ounce of attention you give me!" They see you are hanging on their every word and can't wait to talk to them. Don't give them the satisfaction! Don't settle for breadcrumbs of their attention.

 

Above all what you want to show is your INDEPENDENCE. You can do that by resisting the urge to be available all the time, by replying right away or taking their call. Fill up your time with hobbies and good friends.

 

I too am guilty of this and have learned that I need to slow down and take my time. One of the things I did that turned her off so much was simply paying too much attention to her all the while neglecting myself and my needs. That smacks of insecurity and is not sexy.

 

We all desire things that are hard to get. If you can get something easy (like sex for example) you won't appreciate it. That is true of a lover. If you are easy to get, what's the challenge? What's the allure? What's the fun?

 

I'm sure most of know this but I just wanted to put out this reminder because I struggle with it myself a lot. It's been 2 weeks since I talked to the Ex and I accidentally sent her a message. She waited an hour to get back to me and when she did, it was the most pleasant message she has sent me in a while.

 

But I'm not replying back. I will be waiting a long time before I say anything else to her, if at all. Right now I need to focus on myself, my needs and my independence from her.

[crazy_grl]

Good advice. And glad you're taking the time to do what's best for you.