Unsure of the next step.

[PuppyDogEyes]

I apologize in advance for what might be a very long post, but I really need some advice.

 

I have experienced an incredible amount of life changes during the past 9 months, so much that I've nearly buckled from the stress. (Some of these changes include the breakup of a 12 year friendship/3 year relationship - same person....a cross-country move....going from being broke and nearly homeless to getting the best-paying job of my entire career.... quitting smoking, which I think was probably THE hardest thing I've ever done in my life - but also the BEST thing I ever did, too!....) I'm trying to keep the list short, but those are some of the major things that I've been through. This may seem like a list that has nothing to do with my point, but bear with me - you'll see why in a moment.

 

In the next 8 days, I will be experiencing yet another major life change (and hopefully the LAST one!) - I will be moving to a new apartment. This will be the first time in 10 years that I will be living by myself (I'm 33), and while I'm excited to no end about it... sometimes I just feel, I donno, flat. Almost as if I'm expecting something else to happen.

 

My boyfriend is leaving for Europe on Christmas Eve, and it'll be the first time that we've been separated since we got together. I find that I'm experiencing severe, almost debilitating separation anxiety. I'm crying all the time, I've lost my appetite, and I'm starting to experience physical pain.

 

Now, here's the kicker: although I now live in the city that I was born and raised in (familiarity isn't a problem), I no longer have any friends here. All of my old friends are in other places, with marriages and children, and what seems to be the American dream. I feel such intense loneliness that it hurts. I'm not really a social butterfly, never have been: I'm one of those people that had maybe a few friends, but they were close friends, people that I really bonded with. All of that is gone now, and I'm more or less starting over once again.

 

I find it hard to cope because I've lost a great deal this past year, as well as gained. Luckily, my boyfriend understands my pain and the fact that I'm hurting, so we aren't having problems (but then I'm also attempting to be stoic for his sake). How do I strike out and attempt to make new friends? I still don't know very many people here, although I'm making a few contacts at work. I'm just not very social. I'm not shy.... I just don't know what to say or how to approach anyone to make friendships.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me. It's appreciated.

 

-pde.

 

[Edit: I just wanted to add that my boyfriend will be returning to the States. The separation isn't permanent. But I'm still having extreme trouble with it. Just wanted to clarify that.... - pde. ]