lonely

[Peaches]

My boyfriend of over a year was off of work for a few months because of a broken arm. He works in construction. He went back to work recently and now he never pays any attention to me. He leaves before dawn and doesnt come home until 9 or 10pm. He is staying late after work drinking beer with his buddies. I understand that he missed them and everything, but it just makes me feel really lonely. I told him that it hurts me and that I feel like I'm not important anymore. He then told me that I was lucky because he comes home every night. This other guy he works with stays out half the night with his new girlfriend, leaving his live in girlfriend waiting at home. I said that is different, we are in a totally different situation, aren't we? He said yes, but he does come home, even if it is late.

 

I don't know what to do about this situation. It makes me so sad that he is being so cold about it.

[Lila]

You are right to feel upset by his behavior. You deserve much better, regardless of how his co-worker treats his girfriend. never sell yourself short or tolerate coldness or indifference from him. I did that for 3 years and ended up broken hearted. Always put yourself and yours feelings first. Don't compromise your emotions for anyone, especially a guy. Have a long talk w/ him about what it is that is making you unhappy and what he can do to make you happy. Give him a chance to mend his ways. If he seems indifferent about it, move on to better things. Life is too short to be in an emotionally unfulfilling relationship. Be strong and remember that you deserve to be treated like a queen, nothing less.

My boyfriend of over a year was off of work for a few months because of a broken arm. He works in construction. He went back to work recently and now he never pays any attention to me. He leaves before dawn and doesnt come home until 9 or 10pm. He is staying late after work drinking beer with his buddies. I understand that he missed them and everything, but it just makes me feel really lonely. I told him that it hurts me and that I feel like I'm not important anymore. He then told me that I was lucky because he comes home every night. This other guy he works with stays out half the night with his new girlfriend, leaving his live in girlfriend waiting at home. I said that is different, we are in a totally different situation, aren't we? He said yes, but he does come home, even if it is late. I don't know what to do about this situation. It makes me so sad that he is being so cold about it.

[marzipan75]

Hi Peaches,

 

I'm sorry you feel so lonely. I can sympathize but at the same time I feel I must tell you to try and take some time for yourself. What about your friends? Or maybe you have some family you could visit with? You need to stop concentrating so much on him and focus a little more on yourself. If you don't then you begin to sound clingy or co dependent and you don't want to be that person. I know because I have been that person. I can totally relate.

 

I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry about your boyfriend going off with other women, if it's meant to happen then it will happen sooner or later anyway. Stop worrying about things you don't have any control over. Let him do his thing and you start doing yours. Take a walk, go to a mall, do some leisure learning activity or go to a park. My point is do something, anything besides staying in and worrying about what he's doing. And don't worry, because if he begins to see that you are okay having a life of your own while he's not around then he will probably get better about the attention he pays you.

 

Worrying yourself sick about what he's doing and not doing is only going to make things worse between you. It may push him away or cause him to want to spend less time with you because he may feel "smothered". I know this is not easy to hear but if a guy feels that way he's going to spend as much time away from you as he can in order to get some space.

 

Also: It doesn't sound like he's not paying enough attention to you, it sounds like he's been away from work for a long time and maybe he's trying to catch up on hours as well as with his friends he hasn't seen in a while. So it may seem as though he's not paying as much attention to you because he's trying to re-establish himself at work. You need to let him do that. Try and think about why you are feeling the way you are and ask yourself if you were feeling this way before he broke his arm when he was working.

 

I think you'll be ok if you just stop trying to keep up with him and take charge about doing something for yourself. Think about you and what you want. Find things to entertain yourself with and distract yourself. I think if you concentrate a little more on you and less on him you will be ok.

 

Good luck!

My boyfriend of over a year was off of work for a few months because of a broken arm. He works in construction. He went back to work recently and now he never pays any attention to me. He leaves before dawn and doesnt come home until 9 or 10pm. He is staying late after work drinking beer with his buddies. I understand that he missed them and everything, but it just makes me feel really lonely. I told him that it hurts me and that I feel like I'm not important anymore. He then told me that I was lucky because he comes home every night. This other guy he works with stays out half the night with his new girlfriend, leaving his live in girlfriend waiting at home. I said that is different, we are in a totally different situation, aren't we? He said yes, but he does come home, even if it is late. I don't know what to do about this situation. It makes me so sad that he is being so cold about it.

[Peaches]

Thank you for your advice and support. I guess you are right, maybe I am just too worried. I am going somewhere tonight with my friends. They are all excited because I haven't been out with them in forever. I guess I just needed to hear from someone else what I couldn't admit to myself. Thank you again.

Hi Peaches, I'm sorry you feel so lonely. I can sympathize but at the same time I feel I must tell you to try and take some time for yourself. What about your friends? Or maybe you have some family you could visit with? You need to stop concentrating so much on him and focus a little more on yourself. If you don't then you begin to sound clingy or co dependent and you don't want to be that person. I know because I have been that person. I can totally relate. I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry about your boyfriend going off with other women, if it's meant to happen then it will happen sooner or later anyway. Stop worrying about things you don't have any control over. Let him do his thing and you start doing yours. Take a walk, go to a mall, do some leisure learning activity or go to a park. My point is do something, anything besides staying in and worrying about what he's doing. And don't worry, because if he begins to see that you are okay having a life of your own while he's not around then he will probably get better about the attention he pays you. Worrying yourself sick about what he's doing and not doing is only going to make things worse between you. It may push him away or cause him to want to spend less time with you because he may feel "smothered". I know this is not easy to hear but if a guy feels that way he's going to spend as much time away from you as he can in order to get some space. Also: It doesn't sound like he's not paying enough attention to you, it sounds like he's been away from work for a long time and maybe he's trying to catch up on hours as well as with his friends he hasn't seen in a while. So it may seem as though he's not paying as much attention to you because he's trying to re-establish himself at work. You need to let him do that. Try and think about why you are feeling the way you are and ask yourself if you were feeling this way before he broke his arm when he was working. I think you'll be ok if you just stop trying to keep up with him and take charge about doing something for yourself. Think about you and what you want. Find things to entertain yourself with and distract yourself. I think if you concentrate a little more on you and less on him you will be ok. Good luck!

[jaded]

my first question,,,why do you feel you deserve to be treated so bad,,,,,perhaps you can mention to your boyfriend of over a year that it is he that is lucky that you were there to care for him while his arm was broken,,,,even if all you did was be available,,,,,it is also he who is lucky that you are willing to discuss his ridiculous behavior and lame reference to his other boyfriends instead of either going out with your friends until whenever. or, begin to lose interest in a dull relationship that is deadending in the town of nowheresville,,,,,,stand up to this fool,,,,,do so in a mature and polite manner,,,,,if he gets rude,,,tell him you will continue to discuss it when he can be serious and giving,,,,,,,,,,my email is,,,<e-mail address removed>,,,,,,I wish you the best,,,,you should expect to be treated the way you expect to be treated,,,,,,,,do not accept less,,,,,,

My boyfriend of over a year was off of work for a few months because of a broken arm. He works in construction. He went back to work recently and now he never pays any attention to me. He leaves before dawn and doesnt come home until 9 or 10pm. He is staying late after work drinking beer with his buddies. I understand that he missed them and everything, but it just makes me feel really lonely. I told him that it hurts me and that I feel like I'm not important anymore. He then told me that I was lucky because he comes home every night. This other guy he works with stays out half the night with his new girlfriend, leaving his live in girlfriend waiting at home. I said that is different, we are in a totally different situation, aren't we? He said yes, but he does come home, even if it is late. I don't know what to do about this situation. It makes me so sad that he is being so cold about it.

[marzipan75]

Hi Peaches,

 

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Have yourself a great time and enjoy as much as you can. You are very welcome! Any time. Now get out there and have fun, you deserve it!

 

Marzipan

Thank you for your advice and support. I guess you are right, maybe I am just too worried. I am going somewhere tonight with my friends. They are all excited because I haven't been out with them in forever. I guess I just needed to hear from someone else what I couldn't admit to myself. Thank you again.