How can I be more successful with internet dating

[Lonely nice guy]

I have used internet dating off and on for 4 years now, but only met three women. What am I doing wrong? There are lots of women in my age range, 35-43. I don't email everyone, only the women whom I think there could be a connection, something in common.

 

I try to be witty, make a specific comment about their profile and ask some questions. But I get few repsonses, perhaps 1 in 10. I never limit myself to what they look like. You'll know why if you read my other post on attractiveness. I look for their interests and how they express themselves.

 

One problem I see with internet dating is that it is too much like window shopping. Some people try to tailor make their perfect match. And, if you meet someone elsewhere, it's very likely they wouldn't have matched your criteria on the internet.

 

I suppose some people are really picky / choosey on the the internet for a few reasons: safety, because you can, are there are a lot of people. I have my own criteria.

 

Does anyone have any advice to give? How can I be more successful? How can I improve my profile? How can I increase the number of responses? How can I meet more women?

[Outcast]

I think you'd need to post a sample letter or a profile to be critiqued. It's hard to figure out what you specifically might be doing wrong because there are so many possibles.

[slubberdegullion]

LNG, don't feel like you're being rejected. The vast majority of attractive women that are online are completely bombarded with male attention. I've been very lucky, and have made some good friends that way, and I'm actually going to meet an online friend this evening

 

Outcast is right, though. If you can post something (or PM if you prefer) that may help.

 

One word of caution: while most online dating sites have plenty of attractive, available women (and men), there are a few profiles which are not at all what they seem.

 

I got approached by a transvestite once online... uh, thanks, but no...

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I know that women get alot more responses from men than vice versa. The ones I have met confirmed this. They're shocked when they hear how many hits I've had (like 2500 to their 50). I don't even have a picture on my profile! It's very vague.

 

I do, however, respond to everyone's message...I think it is just rude to not respond at all. Of course I sometimes fib to the ones I am not interested in by saying that I have found an interest I am pursuing, or that I'm taking a break...which I should be doing anyway haha.

 

Be honest, be yourself, don't ask if she has any sexy pictures!!! Yet if you can, be mysterious at the same time. It's called flirting.

 

The one line that gets me going is when a guy calls me "beautiful" even if he hasn't seen my pic. I know it's baloney, but it still makes me feels good.

 

Don't talk about the weather, what you ate for lunch, or even what your plans for the weekend are. You're not just trying to make conversation, you are flirting, living for the moment and feeling the person out (not to be confused with feeling up). Try to create some sparks.

 

Again, not everyone will be receptive but don't give up! There's alot of single women out there.

[JS17]

LNG, don't feel like you're being rejected. The vast majority of attractive women that are online are completely bombarded with male attention.

Slubber is right. I tried it for a month and was so overwhelmed I couldn't get to all of the emails much less respond. I would have liked to respond to each one, I don't want to be rude, but I never would have had the time (outside of work of course ) One of the reasons I think I didn't like it is because it was so overwhelming. I also don't feel like the dating sites work for me because I don't really get a feel for the person. Someone I may have liked in person I probably would have blown right by online. So please don't feel rejected because of a lack of success with online dating. It probably doesn't have a whole lot to do with who you are.

[Art_Critic]

1 in 10 isn't all that bad.. I do online dating on match and I have similar statistics.. alot of views maybe 150-200 a month but replies to my emails come far and few..

 

Women are just as superficial online as we can be..

 

One of the things I do is check out a girls profile for a week or so.. it lets her know that you are looking at her profile.. On match she can see that I viewed her profile.. then a shoot her an email..

That way she knows I'm not just a smuck after the picture..

 

It's a game of numbers.. keep the numbers high and you will succeed

[loony]

I sometimes am curious to know how certain posters are in real life because their posts have piqued my interest, but I've rarely wanted to meet anybody just reading his profile or seeing his picture. All this self-advertising seems so dull... But of course, you have to promote yourself on an online dating site... I still think it's better to go to places where you meet people with similar interests without having the pressure to evaluate them as suitable partners and being constantly evaluated yourself. But I also don't like dating for the same reason, there's a constant pressure.

 

Oh, and if you try to meet people on messageboards and forums, then better avoid the posters on LS. Don't hit on them, they're all wackos. (Ok, ok, just kidding )

[FireReady]

I don't know wha tyou put in your profile, but I do know that for me, if I'm looking at someone's profile, besides the pic, what really piques my interest is if the descriptions are unique. Not the standard lines... but something that you wouldn't think of or describe in the normal day to day manner.

And for ladies, some ways to let loose on how you really feel is to check out GrilsTalkAboutItAll, it's by and for women..

[sparticuss]

Nice guy.

Of your freinds how many males to females are regular web surfers?

 

World wide I think its over five hours male time compared to an hours female time is spent on the web. Computers are still very much male dominated. No reason for it but they are.

So looking for a girlfirend on the web is a little like lookign for one at a baseball match. They are there but there arent many.

 

The most successful pick up joint still remains the supermarket.

 

I don't know if it s been tried but have any guys ever tried picking up at a place where the girls vastly outnumber the guys?. Fashion parades for instance.

[Admiral Thrawn]

I would like to add a few thoughts on this thread myself, and experience.

 

First of all, I'm not a big fan of internet dating, although I have gotten two uninitiated responses, that is without sending an e-mail or smiley to anyone, and just purely by writing up a profile and leaving it there.

 

I figure, that it is free to put up a profile and just sink it there. You may not get any responses on it, but it is there. The first response I got was in March last year, but it didn't go anywhere and we never meet. It wasn't her fault though, I failed to follow up properly with her and let too much time go by. Basically must of shown disinterest.

 

The second time, in November, I just placed a new profile on, and got a smiley like one to two days later after the profile was placed. However, it folded because I choose not to pursue the lead, and I was really playing around. It was on the intimate section, and for kicks, I said I was a virgin looking to be deflowered, and wanted to see how the female public would react to something like that. I was surprized to get any hit. An attractive blond girl who claims to be very sexy and work out on the gym allot, no STDs, who is looking for a part-time lover to have hours of sex with, who has a boyfriend so such a relationship has to be discreet.

 

Well, what can I say, I did not pursue this because I did not expect to get a response like that, and was just stunned. I deleted my profile there not to long after.

 

I find, you only get one response in a blue moon to a profile. I am just myself and say what I mean in my profiles - I express myself, and if anyone is interested, they can drop something. However, it is hard for me to send messages because I have to buy membership time, and I'm reluctant to do so at this time.

 

Now, that being said, the 'Seduce and Conquer' Program, under Payton Kane, discourages internet as a way of picking up girls, because the girls get too much e-mails, and are simply on an ego-trip, and cant possibly be genuine about really getting a guy.

 

From my own observation, the gender ratios are skewed too much in favour of girls. Would you go into a place that has one girl for every ten men who are there? Of course not. It seems the internet, mayb be one girl for every fifty guys - well, you obviously have a problem, right?

 

If you are going on the Intimate section, which is the 'quick sex' matchmaking concept, then I think the ratios are skewed to a maximum there. Maybe one hundred guys competing for one girl? If you go on the 'Dating' or even 'Relationship' sections, where sex is not the most obvious outcome, then the ratios may be a bit more 'even', but probably still, even in those cases, in favour of girls.

 

Of course, Lonely Nice Guy, just dont send e-mails to the most attractive profiles - and if you do send one, make sure its going to make them 'think', I find if you get them to 'think' about something, or 'challenge their mind', then they are going to reply. Intimidate them with your superior knowledge of the English language and throw in a few challenging words in there.

[Admiral Thrawn]

I'm trying a new 'internet' strategy as follows, for the lavalife:

 

a) If you see a profile you like, that you can be compatable with.

 

b) Create a profile, that will more or less mirror the attributes that your target profile will think is desirable, or what she is looking for.

 

c) Make sure your profile is 'hidden' so other prospects wont see you changing your profile every other day.

 

Then send a smiley to that profile, or any of the 'free' features to show interest. Your profile is also send with your 'smiley', or with that feature. If you get a smiley back, then you can risk the paid feature of sending a message.

 

That way, you will always have the right profile for your target. When you know what your target wants, then you know what to taylor it. They wont suspect you are changing your profile * for them * and think they have got the right match. And, best of all, IT'S FREE, on any paid site.

 

Happy internet hunting!

[Lucasarts]

^ only problem:

 

you're lying to them and yourself in hopes of gettin some action

 

but i cant say i havent lied to get a girl, i just have to say it usually doesnt last long.

 

whats with all these schemes thrawn? how desperate are you man?

[Admiral Thrawn]

^ only problem:

 

you're lying to them and yourself in hopes of gettin some action

 

but i cant say i havent lied to get a girl, i just have to say it usually doesnt last long.

 

whats with all these schemes thrawn? how desperate are you man?

 

That is not true. You are only dealing with profiles that there is going to be a 'connection' with in the first place - that means, you have enough in common. I'm not talking about flesh relationships with no chemistry or nothing in common, right - we all know here that would be a waste of time. Why go through the trouble of setting something up that will fail within the first five minutes of meeting the girl in person?

 

So, this is not what I am talking about. What, I mean here, is that you may be 'enhancing' parts of yourself that is 'true' anyway, but you are bringing them out, because you understand who the other person is, and what she likes, so bring out attributes that would favour attraction. Do you get the drift of what I am saying?

 

I appreciated your input in my other language thread. As you can see from this thread, which by the way, I did not start, a guy here needs help connecting with people from the internet. Again, I need not remind you that this section is for people who need help connecting with the opposite sex, in particular, people they like, and as you can see, there are many threads here.

 

Maybe, you have no trouble connecting with the opposite sex, but would like to give advice to people here who are struggling with these type of issues. I would like to hear your input here and what you have to say.

However, it would be helpful not to do so in a condescending tone, right?

[Lucasarts]

^ well the way i had interpreted how you said it in your post meant that you were "tailoring" attributes that attracted the targeted profiles, not necessarily "enhancing" the attributes that you both share.

 

i wasnt tryin to come off as anything hostile, i was simply pointing out the flaw in the scheme the way you had written it.

 

i just dont agree with being invisible and all that...thats the only thing that seems "sketchy" about it. I mean why try to tailor your attributes to one specified target? simply just enhance all your attributes so that it makes you more appealing to a wide range of women, not just one or two. besides having a few things not in common with a women makes it that much more interesting about them. i find it dull to be with someone who likes/does everything i do, i mean its fun at first...but when you're asking the girl what she wants to do, you already half know what she wants to do anyways. but thats just me...

[Admiral Thrawn]

^ well the way i had interpreted how you said it in your post meant that you were "tailoring" attributes that attracted the targeted profiles, not necessarily "enhancing" the attributes that you both share.

 

i wasnt tryin to come off as anything hostile, i was simply pointing out the flaw in the scheme the way you had written it.

 

i just dont agree with being invisible and all that...thats the only thing that seems "sketchy" about it. I mean why try to tailor your attributes to one specified target? simply just enhance all your attributes so that it makes you more appealing to a wide range of women, not just one or two. besides having a few things not in common with a women makes it that much more interesting about them. i find it dull to be with someone who likes/does everything i do, i mean its fun at first...but when you're asking the girl what she wants to do, you already half know what she wants to do anyways. but thats just me...

 

Ok, I see what you are saying. But, when I'm viewing the profiles of the ladies, sometimes one or a couple of the profiles really stand out, and I want to make an extra mile to connect with them.

 

The problem, in my particular set-up, is that people in Montreal Quebec, are not likely to read my profile since it is 310 miles away. I'm really trying to establish social contacts in that province, so that when I go there on vacation, I may know a few people.

 

I'm worried, if local girls see this profile they may get turned off, when they see my picture, and I go after local girls later, or something. Perhaps, it is best to keep it hidden in this particular case, especially when I have different profiles in different sections of that same board.

 

I'd leave the most serious one, say 'relationships', one public, and any other that seems to be 'on the fly' or not really serious, hidden. I guess I'm very image concious.

[Lucasarts]

hmm the only real solution to what you're tryin to do is to send them a smiley or w/e it may be so that they can check you out and see if they like your profile.

 

just keep yourself in the public eye as well so that even if these targeted women dont show interest, your "enhanced" attributes will still be made available to the rest of the women. Women like variety as well, they like having a few shared common interests but they like men who can provide a surprise and be something that they arent. Women i think also secretly like a challenge of being with a man who isn't just like them, they like trying to shape their man and change him...i think its a feeling of power/control? (this is not saying that all women are like this).

 

simply put, just put your profile out there the way you feel most comfortable with and start letting the girls you want to see your profile to look at it. you have to treat online profiles like trying to pick up women in real life. Profiles help to find a connection as well as to find information about each other, but it does no good if there is not initiation of communication. I think by emailing and letting these women know who you are, you're showing a confident side of yourself that may help to boost your credibility and appeal to them.

 

but i cant guarentee this, i dont use internet dating services to understand the full workings of them