Perspective

[basil67]

39 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why "settle" for something "less" when you know the perfect rug exists?  You've seen it, or at least a picture of it.   You're holding out for that rug.

Indeed. This is exactly why I haven't bought replacement black boots. 

I now need orthotics, so that automatically reduces my options significantly. And the new boots also need to be beautiful, practical, fit slim calves and able to look good at a fancy event or shopping on a weekend.  I'm not even sure that orthotic friendly and beautiful co-exist, but I'm not going to settle for anything less.  I scroll through pages and pages of boots online, but so many are not the standard I want and I'm wary of taking a risk on ordering online boots which may need to be returned.  As a result, I have no nice boots...just my old Doc Martins

And this is entirely on me for not not being willing to take a risk or to compromise

[NuevoYorko]

32 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And this is entirely on me for not not being willing to take a risk or to compromise

Yes.  But it *sort of*  "works" because your boots or my rug don't have any say in the matter.  The perfect boots or rug simply exist, or they do not; possibly they do exist but are out of reach because they cost more money than we have.  They will not, however, have their own ideas of what kind of feet or floor they prefer to spend their time connected with.

This is where our poor OP is at a complete loss.  He seeks perfection, believes that "compromise" is a dirty word, but he does not quite grasp the part where, when human beings are concerned, it will have to be agreed upon by both of them that they want to be together.   Since he's unwilling to compromise either on the "perfection" or the woman, or on possible self-improvements, I'm afraid he is in a real pickle.  

As he has touched on before, there is a possibility of "purchasing" the object of his desires.  It will cost plenty, but at least his needs are 100% able to be fulfilled by appearances and superficial personality traits that can be assumed by any socially adept escort.  So this may still be in the cards, as long as his earning power gets to that point.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why "settle" for something "less" when you know the perfect rug exists?  You've seen it, or at least a picture of it.   You're holding out for that rug.

I think a lot of people feel this way when they are young. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think old has helped this situation at all because there is this belief that there are endless options and someone “better” could be just around the corner at any given time.  

Personally, I remember asking myself if I should/should not date someone because I wasn’t sure he was the best match - and what if there is someone better for me. Thing is - with experience you start to understand that there is no “perfect” match. But there is the possibility to find happiness with someone if you chose to be happy. Is there someone in this world who is funnier, more handsome, more adventurous than my partner - of course. But, nobody has all the traits that you would want in a partner, and with maturity - most people generally come to understand and accept this simple truth. 
 

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Just to get this straight you date people who are interested in your, irrespective if they interest you? 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I am in a relationship with a man who is interested in me, and I am also interested in him. We have built a beautiful life together and I will call him my husband and in three months.

For years, I tried to date men in whom I was interested when they were not interested in me. Heck, I even dated a few men who were interested in me, but I was not interested in them. I had about as much success with dating as you have - very little. And then, a (sometimes) annoyingly analytical, a little antisocial (relative to me), middle age man which a bit of extra weight around his middle came into my life… and I noticed that he made me laugh, was kind, and loyal, and hardworking, and had a sexy smile that makes my heart melt and I decided - this was my guy. You would call that settling, but to me it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I am grateful for his presence in my life everyday… except when he does the dishes and always leaves one dirty dish for me to do. But, I can overlook that.

 

Edited April 4 by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Yes I have, tempered by the fact I know none of those people would be interested in me, the best I can hope for is friend zone.

So you felt lust and attraction towards 6 unknown women in a shop?

I don’t believe that. Unless by “attraction” you mean something very different from what it really is and what people here mean when they use that word.

I gave you a perfectly normal description of attraction, but you called it “lust” for some reason, even though I clearly described something greater than just lust - sympathy, chemistry, liking a person. You also seem to have a hard time understanding that lust is an integral part of attraction.

I’m beginning to think that you are suffering from a peculiar variant of a madonna-whore complex. You separate women into two categories, the unattainable “attractive women” that you are unable to feel truly attracted to because they intimidate you, and the “unattractive” ones that you are unable to feel truly attracted to because you’ve convinced yourself that they are “beneath” you.

I think you might need to find a good sexologist. Your problems go beyond dating. Some kind of indoctrination has negatively affected the way your brain processes natural impulses from your organism.

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Sorry but this is frankly nonsense. That like saying eat bread every single day because well its too difficult to eat pancakes, I think Comrade is also a word wholly appropriate to the first line. Nobody would ever achieve anything if they never aspired to more. I am steadfast in what I am not interested in and that is not likely to ever change, I can take a few blows to the head so I'll pay the price if needed.

Just to get this straight you date people who are interested in your, irrespective if they interest you? 

You right there is absolutely no success to be found using that logic and absolutely no happiness either.

No man, what she’s telling you is completely normal, what you’re replying here is nonsense.

She dates people with whom she experiences mutual attraction and interest. The problem is that when she says “interest”, she (and everyone else except you) means a naturally developing physical reaction and emotion. When you say “interest”, you mean something completely different, a purely cerebral, artificial choice based on pre-conceived criteria.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I certainly can't answer for the OP,  but I have a strong impression from reading 10,308,450,342,288,703 +/- repetitive posts that I "get it."

To the OP, attraction is comparable to "perfection."   Since human beings, especially women, evidently, are objectified to an absolute level, it's akin to buying a rug.  You just want the perfect one.  Why "settle" for something "less" when you know the perfect rug exists?  You've seen it, or at least a picture of it.   You're holding out for that rug.

It really does make a difference when "humanity" is not in the equation at all.  

Bingo.

The only question is, why is he thinking like that? Gaeta suggested that he might be asexual and therefore substitutes normal attraction with his artificial schemes. I think it’s not asexuality, but sexuality damaged by some sort of indoctrination. 

[ZA Dater]

8 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I think a lot of people feel this way when they are young. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think old has helped this situation at all because there is this belief that there are endless options and someone “better” could be just around the corner at any given time.  

Personally, I remember asking myself if I should/should not date someone because I wasn’t sure he was the best match - and what if there is someone better for me. Thing is - with experience you start to understand that there is no “perfect” match. But there is the possibility to find happiness with someone if you chose to be happy. Is there someone in this world who is funnier, more handsome, more adventurous than my partner - of course. But, nobody has all the traits that you would want in a partner, and with maturity - most people generally come to understand and accept this simple truth. 
 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I am in a relationship with a man who is interested in me, and I am also interested in him. We have built a beautiful life together and I will call him my husband and in three months.

For years, I tried to date men in whom I was interested when they were not interested in me. Heck, I even dated a few men who were interested in me, but I was not interested in them. I had about as much success with dating as you have - very little. And then, a (sometimes) annoyingly analytical, a little antisocial (relative to me), middle age man which a bit of extra weight around his middle came into my life… and I noticed that he made me laugh, was kind, and loyal, and hardworking, and had a sexy smile that makes my heart melt and I decided - this was my guy. You would call that settling, but to me it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I am grateful for his presence in my life everyday… except when he does the dishes and always leaves one dirty dish for me to do. But, I can overlook that.

 

Firstly congratulations, I hope your special day is even better than you can ever imagine. Mutual interest that really what it is all about, that is for me the very foundation of what relationships and dating is, mutual interest. In the above you did not settle because you were interested in him, you did not need to force yourself to be interested because you had no other options.

 

[ZA Dater]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

So you felt lust and attraction towards 6 unknown women in a shop?

I don’t believe that. Unless by “attraction” you mean something very different from what it really is and what people here mean when they use that word.

I gave you a perfectly normal description of attraction, but you called it “lust” for some reason, even though I clearly described something greater than just lust - sympathy, chemistry, liking a person. You also seem to have a hard time understanding that lust is an integral part of attraction.

I’m beginning to think that you are suffering from a peculiar variant of a madonna-whore complex. You separate women into two categories, the unattainable “attractive women” that you are unable to feel truly attracted to because they intimidate you, and the “unattractive” ones that you are unable to feel truly attracted to because you’ve convinced yourself that they are “beneath” you.

I think you might need to find a good sexologist. Your problems go beyond dating. Some kind of indoctrination has negatively affected the way your brain processes natural impulses from your organism.

This post just further proves my point, physical attraction is important and a lack thereof means the relationship is a non starter, in fact all it really is, is a friendship. My six person comment was more relating to the fact I found those 6 people physically attractive because the perception here seems to be I find nobody physically attractive or that my standards are too high.

Chemistry, sorry but this is a wonderful way of admitting no physical attraction, I once went out with someone I really liked,  yes she was very quirky and an au pair but I enjoyed her company and we chatted easily, only to be told via text "there is no chemistry" which basically amounts to no physical attraction. Seven odd years later she is still on OLD.

I do not believe in limiting beliefs like unattainable, its more like "unlikely" versus more "likely" and that is based on me doing a lot of introspection.

No indoctrination, just decades spent around people who date who they find attractive and with a fair degree of ease too and time spent around people who some here I suppose would consider "top tier" or whatever. 

[FredEire]

2 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

This post just further proves my point, physical attraction is important and a lack thereof means the relationship is a non starter, in fact all it really is, is a friendship. My six person comment was more relating to the fact I found those 6 people physically attractive because the perception here seems to be I find nobody physically attractive or that my standards are too high.

Chemistry, sorry but this is a wonderful way of admitting no physical attraction, I once went out with someone I really liked,  yes she was very quirky and an au pair but I enjoyed her company and we chatted easily, only to be told via text "there is no chemistry" which basically amounts to no physical attraction. Seven odd years later she is still on OLD.

I do not believe in limiting beliefs like unattainable, its more like "unlikely" versus more "likely" and that is based on me doing a lot of introspection.

No indoctrination, just decades spent around people who date who they find attractive and with a fair degree of ease too and time spent around people who some here I suppose would consider "top tier" or whatever. 

If she matched with you on OLD it's unlikely she found you physically unattractive.

Chemistry really is the most important thing when it comes to initial dates. I've met some really gorgeous women who as soon as I started talking to them I found as boring as sin. And suddenly my attraction levels dropped off massively.

But you seem to disregard it exists because you want to believe in your rigid physical and character prototypes, and chemistry is a sort of magical, intangible thing that you struggle to understand and probably don't have with many people. That's because you are emotionally disconnected from yourself, and by extension other people.

[Weezy1973]

20 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Chemistry, sorry but this is a wonderful way of admitting no physical attraction…

Have you ever met a woman that you found to be physically beautiful, but once you spoke to her you lost interest because the conversation was flat? Or you didn’t have anything in common with? 

[ZA Dater]

23 minutes ago, FredEire said:

If she matched with you on OLD it's unlikely she found you physically unattractive.

Chemistry really is the most important thing when it comes to initial dates. I've met some really gorgeous women who as soon as I started talking to them I found as boring as sin. And suddenly my attraction levels dropped off massively.

But you seem to disregard it exists because you want to believe in your rigid physical and character prototypes, and chemistry is a sort of magical, intangible thing that you struggle to understand and probably don't have with many people. That's because you are emotionally disconnected from yourself, and by extension other people.

Again OLD can be one side of the coin, someone may be a lot less attractive in person.

I do believe it exists but I also believe its a lot easier for someone to bemoan a lack of chemistry than to actually be honest. Heck you may find it hard to believe but I think  I have experienced it a few times, though one sided as usual.

[ZA Dater]

9 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Have you ever met a woman that you found to be physically beautiful, but once you spoke to her you lost interest because the conversation was flat? Or you didn’t have anything in common with? 

Yes I have many times, a lack of anything in common is by far something I have the most of, barring a lack of mutual attraction. Do not get me wrong physical attraction cannot override a lack of common interests. In some respects I have met a lot of people socially who while beautiful do not interest me for the very reasons you describe above.

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

In some respects I have met a lot of people socially who while beautiful do not interest me for the very reasons you describe above.

So that describes a lack of “chemistry”. A woman can find you physically attractive, go on a date with you, and then not enjoy the conversation or your sense of humor etc. And then say there was a lack of chemistry, even though she thought you were attractive physically. 

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Again OLD can be one side of the coin, someone may be a lot less attractive in person.

I do believe it exists but I also believe its a lot easier for someone to bemoan a lack of chemistry than to actually be honest. Heck you may find it hard to believe but I think  I have experienced it a few times, though one sided as usual.

Yes, you're right. Rejection is hard, people aren't always honest because they don't want to offend.

She could have not liked your looks, or she could have actually felt a lack of chemistry. The second is more likely since she swiped right and actually met up with you. But at the end of the day who knows and who cares. If she doesn't want to see you again that's the point at which you should stop caring.

The fact is though that you can improve your looks to an extent with self care, grooming and fitness, and you can improve your chemistry with more people by doing work on your inner self. That's the most you can do, you can't control the reaction of others.

[ZA Dater]

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yes, you're right. Rejection is hard, people aren't always honest because they don't want to offend.

She could have not liked your looks, or she could have actually felt a lack of chemistry. The second is more likely since she swiped right and actually met up with you. But at the end of the day who knows and who cares. If she doesn't want to see you again that's the point at which you should stop caring.

The fact is though that you can improve your looks to an extent with self care, grooming and fitness, and you can improve your chemistry with more people by doing work on your inner self. That's the most you can do, you can't control the reaction of others.

Or I can just be me. Fitness I do anyway and I am happy with how I look. Exactly, you cannot control the reaction of others as much as we want to in the sense being the best version we can be in that particular scenario.

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Or I can just be me. Fitness I do anyway and I am happy with how I look. Exactly, you cannot control the reaction of others as much as we want to in the sense being the best version we can be in that particular scenario.

But you're clearly not happy with how you look if you feel you are ugly and this is why nobody you want wants you...

There's a strange cycle you seem to have where you say your personality and looks are awful and just not sufficient to ever be considered good enough, before you circle back and so nope all good, I'm perfectly happy with how I am, don't need to make any changes.

Is it that you feel the problem is the world that just doesn't appreciate you, and they should be? Because that sounds a lot like the teenage "nice guy" who does favours for women, resents the jocks who get the girls he likes and brags about how virtuous and kind he is, while not being that virtuous or nice at all in reality.

[ZA Dater]

40 minutes ago, FredEire said:

But you're clearly not happy with how you look if you feel you are ugly and this is why nobody you want wants you...

There's a strange cycle you seem to have where you say your personality and looks are awful and just not sufficient to ever be considered good enough, before you circle back and so nope all good, I'm perfectly happy with how I am, don't need to make any changes.

Is it that you feel the problem is the world that just doesn't appreciate you, and they should be? Because that sounds a lot like the teenage "nice guy" who does favours for women, resents the jocks who get the girls he likes and brags about how virtuous and kind he is, while not being that virtuous or nice at all in reality.

What I think of what I am is deemed to be largely irrelevant because the fact I cannot find mutual attraction suggest I really have nothing to offer. Either I buy into what the dating market says or a simply delude myself to think I am ok when its quite obvious that is not the case.

Either I can walk around feeling useless or I can walk around being sort of content with the person I am. Of course each day I need to maintain that mask of everything being ok.

[ZA Dater]

46 minutes ago, FredEire said:

But you're clearly not happy with how you look if you feel you are ugly and this is why nobody you want wants you...

There's a strange cycle you seem to have where you say your personality and looks are awful and just not sufficient to ever be considered good enough, before you circle back and so nope all good, I'm perfectly happy with how I am, don't need to make any changes.

Is it that you feel the problem is the world that just doesn't appreciate you, and they should be? Because that sounds a lot like the teenage "nice guy" who does favours for women, resents the jocks who get the girls he likes and brags about how virtuous and kind he is, while not being that virtuous or nice at all in reality.

People appreciate different thing I guess, I think I passed the point of caring quite a long time ago, so long as I the choices I make are ones I can morally live with and do no adversely affect others, that is pretty much all the cornerstone of how I live. There are people who value me so I cant be half bad, granted they value me as a friend which is fine.

[FredEire]

10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

What I think of what I am is deemed to be largely irrelevant because the fact I cannot find mutual attraction suggest I really have nothing to offer. Either I buy into what the dating market says or a simply delude myself to think I am ok when its quite obvious that is not the case.

Either I can walk around feeling useless or I can walk around being sort of content with the person I am. Of course each day I need to maintain that mask of everything being ok.

Exactly, it's a mask.

The problem is that what you think of yourself being entirely dependent on women means you are in for a hard time.

Even if you met to woman of your dreams you may have a messy divorce in 10 years and never recover. It's not a good way to be.

The only way you can solve this is by resolving past traumas and learn to love yourself, dating success or not.

[Foxhall]

the major feeling on the thread is correct- that attraction cannot be based entirely on looks- real connection comes from the soul or how well the two people converse together how comfortable they are with each other,

so while there has to be some physical attraction- the posters are correct in trying to convince you it cannot be all about looks.

Have you ever had any attraction towards any of the ladies on this forum?

In my five years on it, there have been perhaps three posters (one currently active!) with whom I have thought , yes Id really like to meet that person,

Im asking can you feel any attraction or connection to someone without seeing the visual element- can you feel it based on what they write or their views- yes Id be compatible with that person,

Im reluctant to repeat what others are saying in different forms, but the area where your approach needs a bit of tweaking is with your humanity- you have to I suspect work on connecting a little better on a human level with some of the women you meet. Ive no doubt you are capable of warmth and kindness- that comes across in some of your posts- and then also some of your posts display a colder or detached vibe which is likely part of your difficulties in real life.

maybe also keep it simpler in your own head- sometimes you refer to charm and so on as if it is rocket science on a dating level,

if you just focus on being able to hold a conversation- try to get that part right- not have too many awkward silences- things can evolve naturally from there without feeling overly stressed about it.

@basil gave good advice on how a guy should approach escalating from friendship to more 

well thats all from me- have a nice weekend.

 

[ZA Dater]

17 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Exactly, it's a mask.

The problem is that what you think of yourself being entirely dependent on women means you are in for a hard time.

Even if you met to woman of your dreams you may have a messy divorce in 10 years and never recover. It's not a good way to be.

The only way you can solve this is by resolving past traumas and learn to love yourself, dating success or not.

Do you know how hard it so do everyone on your own all the time, going to events, everyone else is partnered up, years and years of and it becomes deeply unpleasant. Never having anyone to share anything with.

I can paper over this but it ever goes away and while the physical aspect of the relationship was not ideal I did enjoy my last relationship because all of these problems went away and dare say I was content. It was good to have someone to care about, confide in and share with. 

If you had to ask people around me, all would describe me as firm but caring, again that is the sort of person I strive to be. One thing we do have control of is the sort of people we want to be and how much we allow the external environment to influence that.

[ZA Dater]

23 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

the major feeling on the thread is correct- that attraction cannot be based entirely on looks- real connection comes from the soul or how well the two people converse together how comfortable they are with each other,

so while there has to be some physical attraction- the posters are correct in trying to convince you it cannot be all about looks.

Have you ever had any attraction towards any of the ladies on this forum?

In my five years on it, there have been perhaps three posters (one currently active!) with whom I have thought , yes Id really like to meet that person,

Im asking can you feel any attraction or connection to someone without seeing the visual element- can you feel it based on what they write or their views- yes Id be compatible with that person,

Im reluctant to repeat what others are saying in different forms, but the area where your approach needs a bit of tweaking is with your humanity- you have to I suspect work on connecting a little better on a human level with some of the women you meet. Ive no doubt you are capable of warmth and kindness- that comes across in some of your posts- and then also some of your posts display a colder or detached vibe which is likely part of your difficulties in real life.

maybe also keep it simpler in your own head- sometimes you refer to charm and so on as if it is rocket science on a dating level,

if you just focus on being able to hold a conversation- try to get that part right- not have too many awkward silences- things can evolve naturally from there without feeling overly stressed about it.

@basil gave good advice on how a guy should approach escalating from friendship to more 

well thats all from me- have a nice weekend.

 

I'd say all the posters are nice people even when I do not always agree with what they say. Sure, its not all about looks but equally a lack of physical attraction cannot be overcome wit other aspects, I have tried this before. There is someone I chatted with for around 4 years on and off and never ended up meeting because while the chat good, physically I was not attracted to her at all and knew meeting in person would be a mistake, all we was friends. She absolutely wanted more and I was not interested.

Conversations are very important and yes I can do this, which is why the latest person is so magnetically attractive to me because conversations with her are so relaxed, easy and they just flow and every topic is discussed. I also drop all the armor I carry around most of the time. One thing this forum has taught me, its ok to be vulnerable at times.

 

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Do you know how hard it so do everyone on your own all the time, going to events, everyone else is partnered up, years and years of and it becomes deeply unpleasant. Never having anyone to share anything with.

I can paper over this but it ever goes away and while the physical aspect of the relationship was not ideal I did enjoy my last relationship because all of these problems went away and dare say I was content. It was good to have someone to care about, confide in and share with. 

If you had to ask people around me, all would describe me as firm but caring, again that is the sort of person I strive to be. One thing we do have control of is the sort of people we want to be and how much we allow the external environment to influence that.

Yes, very much so. I had a hard outer shell for many years which seemed to repel people from my life over and over again, and it was very frustrating because it seemed I couldn't do much about it. The issue is much of it was unconscious.

It's still there and causes issues but to a lesser extent, as I have been working on it for years now, and I feel much more connected to those around me and myself than I did in the past. And guess what, my dating life and social life has improved enormously.

Unfortunately many of the factors around this are unconscious, and the biggest tool I have used to address it has been therapy. That's the biggest piece of advice I can give you, go to a decent therapist and unpack your baggage, because it's very difficult to impossible to do it alone, there's too many red herrings and defence mechanisms which you can't recognise alone.

I think the reason me and other posters sometimes find this conversation with you very frustrating is that we see these red herrings and distractions very clearly, because we have no skin in the game that is your life.

Sadly you're completely against therapy and I think that's very unfortunate, because going it all alone is like trying to dig a tunnel with a spoon. Your mind wants to protect you from pain and discomfort and if nobody is helping to guide you you will put walls in your own way and go nowhere.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

My six person comment was more relating to the fact I found those 6 people physically attractive because the perception here seems to be I find nobody physically attractive or that my standards are too high.

But you can’t just find 6 women in a shop attractive. It sounds ridiculous. Did you even talk to them? You can’t find women attractive just by looking at them. Attraction is neither an aesthetic evaluation nor something you can just decide you have because someone corresponds to your artificial list of “standards”. Your “standards” aren’t too high, they are just irrelevant and inapplicable.

[ZA Dater]

9 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yes, very much so. I had a hard outer shell for many years which seemed to repel people from my life over and over again, and it was very frustrating because it seemed I couldn't do much about it. The issue is much of it was unconscious.

It's still there and causes issues but to a lesser extent, as I have been working on it for years now, and I feel much more connected to those around me and myself than I did in the past. And guess what, my dating life and social life has improved enormously.

Unfortunately many of the factors around this are unconscious, and the biggest tool I have used to address it has been therapy. That's the biggest piece of advice I can give you, go to a decent therapist and unpack your baggage, because it's very difficult to impossible to do it alone, there's too many red herrings and defence mechanisms which you can't recognise alone.

I think the reason me and other posters sometimes find this conversation with you very frustrating is that we see these red herrings and distractions very clearly, because we have no skin in the game that is your life.

Sadly you're completely against therapy and I think that's very unfortunate, because going it all alone is like trying to dig a tunnel with a spoon. Your mind wants to protect you from pain and discomfort and if nobody is helping to guide you you will put walls in your own way and go nowhere.

It will be a very cold day in ..... before I consider that absolute waste of money no value add activity. I admit it probably does work for others, I have been to many and taken zero value from any of them.

Everything I have ever managed to do in life has never come easily, I was teased relentlessly growing up, I had the misfortune to have a sibling charge at me with a knife (she decided to take a different path in life) and I have seen a father turf his wife a child onto the street. Which is why it irks me when the insinuation is I seem to live in some sort of utopia or models and everything that is nice and yes I do get to live there some of the time with the extravagant parties the pretty people. Equally I often socialize with very successful people but I sit and have lunch people who have very little. One thing I do try and do is relate to others.

Its this rather strange lifestyle which I think is either a benefit or a cure depending on who you ask. Its difficult to find someone to fit into this.