Perspective

[ZA Dater]

29 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Not everyone is blessed with good looks, and nowadays an attractive woman has more options than ever. It's not easy to find a partner.

But it's the fact that OP is coming from a place of extreme self-pity and floor level confidence that is a little bit irritating. Very few women are going to be attracted to that. If he was really doing his very best in every department and still had no success I'd have a lot more sympathy.

The thing he continually misses is confidence and vulnerability breeds success, not the other way round. It's like trying to go fishing with your bare hands.

This is absolutely not true for me at all. People do not want "projects", one of the most unpleasant dating experiences was someone I actually met up with three times and had some vague attraction to, I told her my dating experience was limited "well then you need to learn with someone as inexperienced as you. So no vulnerability is frankly useless here, especially at the age of forty when there is an expectation of experience.

I'll never have any dating confidence, that I just accept. 

I did try my best and it got me nowhere barring Tinder matches I had no interest in.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, semble said:

You don't need to defend your decision to only try to date women who are attractive to you. I'm the same way.

That much being said, given your abysmal record, you need to accept that those women who you are attracted to will never be interested in you, and the sooner you figure it out and stop chasing your tail the better off you will be in the long run.

Try a new hobby or something.

This is actually my point, irrespective what I do these people will never be interested, that has been proven over and over again. Take this latest instance, I did everything I could and I actually think the in person communication as really good but not enough to get past a lack of attraction. Last time it was me who as the warmer personality, the kinder person, the more interested person, it was him who has the bigger wallet. 

I think you actually understand the position I am in.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I agree with you but again it was partly based on appearance.

Well, obviously, if she looked like Jabba the Hutt I’d probably not develop the strong physical attraction I have for her now and we’d just remain friends. What’s your point?

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Someone who is not physically attractive to me would not interest me irrespective of what other qualities they may have, yes this is harsh but it's the standard upon which I am judged. And no they do not need to be a model to be physically attractive.

They kind of do, to you. You have a whole list of “attractive traits” that women must possess, like processor and graphics card requirements for a computer. I’ve told you that before, you will continue knowing nothing about attraction and romance in general until you fall for a woman, for one specific person, who doesn’t necessarily correspond to your requirements.

 

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Deeper attraction, again one would need to experience that and I have not.

And haven’t I told you repeatedly that this, exactly this, was your problem? 

[FredEire]

58 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

This is absolutely not true for me at all. People do not want "projects", one of the most unpleasant dating experiences was someone I actually met up with three times and had some vague attraction to, I told her my dating experience was limited "well then you need to learn with someone as inexperienced as you. So no vulnerability is frankly useless here, especially at the age of forty when there is an expectation of experience.

I'll never have any dating confidence, that I just accept. 

I did try my best and it got me nowhere barring Tinder matches I had no interest in.

You're right, people don't want a project, that's why you need to be your own project and do the work yourself.

I've you've accepted you have no hope then your fate is pretty much sealed. You write your own script. I think your best bet is just to have a laugh about it, don't take yourself so seriously and be willing to learn. Why not? Ruminating and beating yourself up has got you nowhere.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I do not disagree, in fact I agree totally. You seen to think I have some sort of checklist, I really do not! If anything I acutely know what I do not find attractive.

You do have a checklist. Height, body shape requirements, no kids, can talk about politics, and who knows what else. Get rid of the checklist and start meeting and getting to like real women.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, semble said:

You don't need to defend your decision to only try to date women who are attractive to you. I'm the same way.

Everyone is the same way. Who would date someone they find unattractive?

The OP keeps misrepresenting all our advices as an advice to date people he isn’t attracted to. That’s the very opposite of what I’ve repeatedly advised to him. I told him that he should be attracted, that he never was attracted to a real woman the way it happens in real life, organically, naturally, mutually. He he has mistaken his checklist for real attraction. 

[FredEire]

Another thing I don't think I've mentioned before is doing things that make you feel silly. Go to some comedy shows and get abused by the comedian. Join an improv group. Join a life drawing class. Join a salsa dancing class.

All of this can get you out of the emo shell you seem to be in and realise life is not just tragic but funny and absurd a lot of the time. Learning to just say "f*** it" is the first step.

[ZA Dater]

20 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Well, obviously, if she looked like Jabba the Hutt I’d probably not develop the strong physical attraction I have for her now and we’d just remain friends. What’s your point?

They kind of do, to you. You have a whole list of “attractive traits” that women must possess, like processor and graphics card requirements for a computer. I’ve told you that before, you will continue knowing nothing about attraction and romance in general until you fall for a woman, for one specific person, who doesn’t necessarily correspond to your requirements.

 

And haven’t I told you repeatedly that this, exactly this, was your problem? 

Will not happen because that would inherently be someone I do not find attractive to begin with. Reading between the lines, its" well attraction will grow over time", not open to that at all. Wont walk down that road ever again thanks very much.

[ZA Dater]

20 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

You do have a checklist. Height, body shape requirements, no kids, can talk about politics, and who knows what else. Get rid of the checklist and start meeting and getting to like real women.

No thanks, I have met enough so called "real women" who are all those things. Absolutely not interested in dating people with kids, instant red flag for me. Are you telling me nobody has preferences?

[ZA Dater]

19 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Everyone is the same way. Who would date someone they find unattractive?

The OP keeps misrepresenting all our advices as an advice to date people he isn’t attracted to. That’s the very opposite of what I’ve repeatedly advised to him. I told him that he should be attracted, that he never was attracted to a real woman the way it happens in real life, organically, naturally, mutually. He he has mistaken his checklist for real attraction. 

Unattractive to me is someone where the conversation does not flow, has no interest in the world around them, does not aspire to things in life. 

Please answer this , why have none of the repeated people I have been attracted to given me a chance like you say I must give to seemingly anyone and everyone who would date me? If I am so wrong with my thinking why has that never happened. I'll tell you why because people with choice simply do not need to get to know people because other options are there for the taking.

Are you also then telling be OLD is not real life? The billions in turnover these companies collectively generate suggest that OLD is real life for millions of people?

I'd love to believe in your romantic notions of organic but absolutely nothing I have experienced supports it which is not saying it does not exist. 

[Gebidozo]

30 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Will not happen because that would inherently be someone I do not find attractive to begin with. Reading between the lines, its" well attraction will grow over time", not open to that at all. Wont walk down that road ever again thanks very much.

[stares in disbelief]

Nobody can be that dense as to misunderstand, distort, and pervert my messages like this.

You’re a troll. I’m done feeding you.

[Gebidozo]

30 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Please answer this , why have none of the repeated people I have been attracted to given me a chance

Because you’re a dull, dry, self-centered, humorless, unromantic dolt who never listens to other people, doesn’t want to know other people, doesn’t love women, and utterly lacks humility and confidence?

33 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

like you say I must give to seemingly anyone and everyone who would date me?

I never said that. Everyone here knows I never said that. You know very well I never said that. You keep lying and perverting my messages. You’re just an incel troll who’s already taken up way too much of my time and my good will.

 

35 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

people with choice simply do not need to get to know people because other options are there for the taking.

Utter incel bullshit.

[ZA Dater]

31 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Because you’re a dull, dry, self-centered, humorless, unromantic dolt who never listens to other people, doesn’t want to know other people, doesn’t love women, and utterly lacks humility and confidence?

I never said that. Everyone here knows I never said that. You know very well I never said that. You keep lying and perverting my messages. You’re just an incel troll who’s already taken up way too much of my time and my good will.

Utter incel bullshit.

Firstly I am not an a troll nor I am an incel either.

I still find it amazing  this "love women", its such a broad statement to be rendered irrelevant in any sort of context. For the rest you are probably right but then again by your logic people should be getting to know me rather than dismissing me for being what you describe?

Clearly we do not look at this the same way at all, your experiences are not the same as mine and vice versa. I cannot see what is so hard about accepting the experiences you have had are not the same as mine?

Instead I get categorically told I am wrong, well how can I be when what I describe has actually happened to me? 

Again I do not disagree with you but what you say does not equate to what I have experienced.