The 40-year-old virgin.

[Admiral Thrawn]

Hey, anyone seen this movie? It was an excellent sex comedy. Any 40 year old virgins here? I'll be honest, I'm only a 29 year old virgin going on 30.

 

The guy eventually waited until he got married to have sex?

 

Some ideas in the movie:

 

- planting seeds. Ask questions. Women like to talk about themselves, and dont care about what you have to say. Ask a question for every answer they give back, then ask another question. But dont sound retareded, or she may be laughting at you, rather than with you.

 

- speed dating - could meet allot of attractive girls when you take 20 dates in one hour.

 

- bars/clubs - places to avoid --

 

also: Rule # 1: do not let a drunk girl drive you to her home, and do not let her dupe you into using her breathelizer so you can start her engine, and she could start driving drunk.

 

Rule #2: if a girl like masturbating with a shower head, run from her.

 

I wonder sometimes, is this movie for real?

[Art_Critic]

I wonder sometimes, is this movie for real?

 

No.. it was a movie.. Hollywoods idea to sell tickets..

 

Not real life

[Neptune]

I saw the movie soon after it came out. I enjoyed the movie ok. As is most of the time, I think there is so much more that could be done to make this so-so movie into a great one. Maybe I should become a screenwriter:laugh:

 

I think the movie was worth it for the one scene that you mentioned, when the guy was answering questions by asking questions. I certainly took note of that and know that there is a lot of truth to that.

 

40 year old virgins are pretty rare I think. Most of the time, if someone is going to hop in the sack, they are going to get there before 40.

[Lonely nice guy]

I was a 30 year old virgin until I visited a prostitute. I doubt any man would willingly wait that long. Some people choose celebacy, others have celebacy thrust upon them. Yes, it happens: men who remain virgins forever. Brain Gilmartin wrote a book called Shyness and Love. I fall into this category, and while I have had a couple of real relationships after my loss of virginity I sort of still fall into this category. I am 40 and have had celebacy thrust upon me.

 

Was the movie real? I think it was more real than some people give it credit. Except that he waited until he was married, I think there were more real parts to the movie than fiction. Remember, Principal Skinner was a 45 year old virgin. Although a fictional cartoon character, the Simpsons always steel from real life. I have a friend who was in 40's when he first was with a women. I think I know a couple of other men in my circle of friends, but it is something men are ashamed to admit. It is probably more common than people realize.

[Admiral Thrawn]

I saw the movie soon after it came out. I enjoyed the movie ok. As is most of the time, I think there is so much more that could be done to make this so-so movie into a great one. Maybe I should become a screenwriter:laugh:

 

I think the movie was worth it for the one scene that you mentioned, when the guy was answering questions by asking questions. I certainly took note of that and know that there is a lot of truth to that.

 

40 year old virgins are pretty rare I think. Most of the time, if someone is going to hop in the sack, they are going to get there before 40.

 

The beginning of the movie going to the centre had plenty of wacky scenes, and I think it had a good pace throughout. I watched it twice since I rented it, and the DVD has extended features, such as deleted scenes, or extended plays (more dates on that speed-o-rama thing).

 

I think the 40 year old virgin - or I should qualify it as the Involuntary Celebate 40 year old virgin, is more common than people think. People do not go advertising that they are virgins - so you really do not know who is a virgin or not.

[Admiral Thrawn]

I was a 30 year old virgin until I visited a prostitute. I doubt any man would willingly wait that long. Some people choose celebacy, others have celebacy thrust upon them. Yes, it happens: men who remain virgins forever. Brain Gilmartin wrote a book called Shyness and Love. I fall into this category, and while I have had a couple of real relationships after my loss of virginity I sort of still fall into this category. I am 40 and have had celebacy thrust upon me.

 

Well, I've been tempted to use a prostitute myself, like an East Indian one or something, but decided, not to do it, because I think that many of these prostitutes are shallow people who dont care who they have sex with, and quite frankly, I was not too impressed with these type of women, and just decided not to go ahead. I guess I'm just a bit picky. They are also expensive too. Hey, being a virgin and flat broke suck, doesn't it?

 

Going back to topic, most people think that being that breaking out of celebacy is all about * losing their virginity *, but it is good that you have come out to say, that it doesn't just mean that. Even though, you lost your virginity with a hooker, you still consider yourself celebate in a way. It was not the be all and end all that people make it out to be.

 

Virgin people who consider themselves involuntary celebate, who lose their virginity on a whore or loose casual woman who doesn't care about them, and is to drunk to know what they are doing, is going to end up a non-virgin involuntary celebate, with no net-effect change.

 

So, retrospectively, you think it would not have made a difference in your life, whether you lost your virginity with this hooker or not, at the time you did then?

[Admiral Thrawn]

No.. it was a movie.. Hollywoods idea to sell tickets..

 

Not real life

 

Yeah, the guy had a nice apartment, supported on a minimum wage type of job. Guess the Studio paid for his apartment.

[Lonely nice guy]

Celebate mean not having sex, but that doesn't mean being a virgin. If you go years between sexual encounters, that'd probably qualify as celebate - that's me. Some people choose that lifestyle, some would rather be sexually active but cannot find a lover - that's me.

 

I never thought about his apartment and all the toys he had, it was a lot for his income. But I suppose, he never went out, probably never took a vacation and saved his money for his toys.

 

I can tell you that visiting a prostitute, which I've done 3 times, is extremely unsatisfying. It just gets you off with someone else in the room. It is expensive at several hundred dollars a pop, but as with everything you get what you pay for. Spend more and you'll get a more thorough experience. STD's are another worry.

 

Anyway, if you can check out Brian Gilmartin's book online, if you understand your patterns of behaviour, you'll start to see what you can do. I read a section in which he estimates 1.5% of the male adult population are love shy, that is a virgin. 100 000 men in Canada, and a million in the US. Of course this is an estimate, only an annonymous survey could verify this. And even some men might not want to admit even on a survey and to themselves that they are virgins. There is such a social stigma / taboo regarding adult virgins.

 

There are so many social pressures for women to look a certain way, for men to act a certain way and eveyone to be sexually active. At the check out stand, I tend to look away from the women's magazines that have articles that describe how to keep your lover insatiable etc.

 

If you truly want "to do something" about this, I suggest staying here, as a support group.

[Lonely nice guy]

It is just me or is this site extra slow today?

 

My first real girlfriend, after the hooker, knew I was sexually inexperienced. We were together 2 years. I thought I was "cured". But she left me for another guy, that really hurt. So not only do you have to learn how to meet women, you have to learn how to break up. At 35, that was the first time my heart had ever been broken, it took me months to get over it. But I learned, met a couple of other women online, then met another women for a serious relationship, we broke up. My heart was broken again, but it was easier the second time. Within the last three weeks, a women said she wanted to see me again, kept touching me through the date, asked for a hug, but then hasn't called me back after 3 emails / phone calls from me. She's playing games.

 

All of these love lessons for most people are learned in their teens and early 20's. I'm 20 years behind. I don't have the necessary social skills to meet women my age, who've a lot more experience than I. I also have to learn the coping skills to break up. To learn to not fall for women who play games, not to fall too quickly.

 

In the movie, and this friend of mine, both met and stayed together with their first women. This might be wishful thinking and very lucky. The part of life they haven't experienced is having your heart broken.

 

And by the way, it gets harder when you get older. Harder to meet people, possibly to fall in love (not my problem) and harder to break up. Love in your teens is fleeting compared to love as an adult. Your feelings are deeper as an adult.

 

The manner in which the movie started, and played out, it had to have a happy ending. But my experience is that life doesn't play that nicely. There are bumps. You and I might meet someone who'll stay permantly, but it'll probably take a few women to dump us before it happens.

 

Perhaps a downer and pessimistic message, but I think it's realistic. Well, it's my real life: true confessions.

[malachai]

i have not seen the movie, but i thinik i will rent it soon here because steve carrel is great.

 

i'm 28, and i entered my first real relationship this year, and lost my virginty only a few weeks before i turned 28. and because my ex-gf was living with me, i definitely caught up and got more than enough "learning experience" through the 4 months we were together.

 

now i am back to how i was before i met her, and i'm a little nervous about it, because i think that i will also have celibacy thrust on me. i'm definitely more active in pursuing women now, whereas before i got comfortable just not doing anything and being alone. so i'm curious to know see how much time goes by before i hook up again.

 

it seems like when you talk about losing virginity later than normal, it usually pertains to guys most of the time. are there any women on here that have similar stories?

[malachai]

All of these love lessons for most people are learned in their teens and early 20's. I'm 20 years behind. I don't have the necessary social skills to meet women my age, who've a lot more experience than I. I also have to learn the coping skills to break up. To learn to not fall for women who play games, not to fall too quickly.

 

And by the way, it gets harder when you get older. Harder to meet people, possibly to fall in love (not my problem) and harder to break up.

 

i completely agree with this.

 

especially the part about it being harder to handle break-ups.

 

great post.

[Lonely nice guy]

Malakai

 

Yes, I agree. I would love to hear a woman's point of view, her comments, her questions and answers.

Would you (as a woman) date and have sex with a 40 yr old virgin?

Are there any 40 yr old woman who are virgins, not by choice, but due to circumstances, virginity thrust upon them (so to speak)

What do you suggest as help for men in this situation? (Simply getting laid is not the correct answer, a visit to a prostitute technically means losing one's virginity, but it's not love, no kissing / making out, emotions, cuddling, spending time together etc)

Do you think there is something wrong with a 40 yr old virgin?

 

Perhaps this should be posted where more women will read it?

[Admiral Thrawn]

Celebate mean not having sex, but that doesn't mean being a virgin. If you go years between sexual encounters, that'd probably qualify as celebate - that's me. Some people choose that lifestyle, some would rather be sexually active but cannot find a lover - that's me.

 

You would be "Involuntary Celebate" http://www.incelsite.com

 

I never thought about his apartment and all the toys he had, it was a lot for his income. But I suppose, he never went out, probably never took a vacation and saved his money for his toys.

 

I find this movie hard to believe in that department. He is an exagerrated geek.

 

I can tell you that visiting a prostitute, which I've done 3 times, is extremely unsatisfying. It just gets you off with someone else in the room. It is expensive at several hundred dollars a pop, but as with everything you get what you pay for. Spend more and you'll get a more thorough experience. STD's are another worry.

 

But you went 3 times? If it were really that bad, you would haven't lasted one visit and demanded your money back!

 

I've heard reports from many people, especially on that Involuntary Celebate site, and they all confirm the same thing. That sex with a prostitute really sucks, it is not the same as getting laid with someone who wants you.

 

There is such a social stigma / taboo regarding adult virgins.

 

That is why we need a movie like 40-year-old virgin, to make it less of a taboo or social stigma. Now, people will call virgins "Andy" for fun.

 

There are so many social pressures for women to look a certain way, for men to act a certain way and eveyone to be sexually active. At the check out stand, I tend to look away from the women's magazines that have articles that describe how to keep your lover insatiable etc.

 

If you truly want "to do something" about this, I suggest staying here, as a support group.

 

Of course.

[amerikajin]

Admiral Thrawn,

 

Move to Japan for 1-2 years. You'll lose your virginity - I promise. Well, you'll lose it if that's what you want to do, that is.

 

I haven't had sex here on more than six months but it's been my choice. Sure I've been rebuffed a few times, but I've also done the rebuffing in return. It's a well-known fact that if you want one sure-fire way to get some action in the sack, just be a foreigner and live in Tokyo for a year. And the women are hot. The thing is, there are just so many beautiful single women here, and many of them are interested in foreign men.

 

I could say the same of Thailand, too, though you have to be much more careful about HIV there.

[Lonely nice guy]

So why did I return to visit a prostitute? The other term is service provider SP. The visits were years apart, I had a momentary lack of reason and judgement. Money is a factor, but it doesn't break my account if I go once in a while. I guess I was also hoping it would be better each time. I also do not go with street workers, these women I saw are off the street, are not drug users, and are probably clean - at least they're tested regularly.

 

Thank-you for the website link, it's now in my favourites. I am 40, I just wish this support had been around 20 years ago when I could have it used at university. I always shudder when I think about the few women who made obvious advances toward me and all I could do was freeze, I panicked, I ran away. What a putz. I wouldn't do that now, but I have left that social setting, and at 40 there are fewer women of my age out there.

 

If I could re-live certain parts of my life, I'd be happier and probably a non-involutarily celibate. Even 3 years ago, I met a women on the internet, we dated 6 times and she left. But I think it would have helped if I had tried a few physical moves, but I wasn't experienced enough to even figure out the few clues she was giving. They were really subtle when I think about it. One relationship after and I learned a few moves. I am learning but 20 years too late.

 

I am not a naturally atttractive man, that doesn't help. Read my post from another thread. I suffered badly from teenage acne and now I have the scars to remind me. This was a huge contributing factor to my love shyness. But part of my shyness started even before my teenage years. The acne just sealed the wall I had put up between me and the outside world. The world is crumbling, some cosmetic surgery and relationships have helped, but parts of the wall are still there. I was 15 when Pink Floyd released "The Wall", that was my album, they made it for me exclusively!

 

I know there's hope for you and me (all of us) because we're good people. My friends can't believe I'm still single - if only they knew the pain I sometimes endure. Christmas is my least favorite time of the year. I am now doing most of the right things, I just have to be patient, but also tenatious. You can't turn a corner without exerting some change to your momentum.

[Admiral Thrawn]

Admiral Thrawn,

 

Move to Japan for 1-2 years. You'll lose your virginity - I promise. Well, you'll lose it if that's what you want to do, that is.

 

I haven't had sex here on more than six months but it's been my choice. Sure I've been rebuffed a few times, but I've also done the rebuffing in return. It's a well-known fact that if you want one sure-fire way to get some action in the sack, just be a foreigner and live in Tokyo for a year. And the women are hot. The thing is, there are just so many beautiful single women here, and many of them are interested in foreign men.

 

I could say the same of Thailand, too, though you have to be much more careful about HIV there.

 

 

 

If it is reasonable for me to become a foreign English teacher in one of thse Asian countries, then I may just give that a try - or at least keep it in mind. I have always mused at getting certification to teach overseas.

 

Where you doing some sort of business or job in Japan, or was it vacation?

[lilmoma1973]

 

My mom bought it and let me borrow it!! I watched a little bit of it and got tired and went to bed ,and haven't really had a chance to since with Christmas and all!!! I did like the part where he met that girl at the bachlorette party and she was really drunk,and she made him breathe in the thing ,so she could crank the car!!! Then she was driving drunk and nearly killed them ,then puked all over him and asked was sex out of the question!! Then he said he would need a rain check!! She hit the side of the car along the road many times and then hit someone after they got to their destination ,then she said that car came out of no where!! She was too drunk to drive and was flying in and out of cars!! I can't wait to see it all!!

[Admiral Thrawn]

 

My mom bought it and let me borrow it!! I watched a little bit of it and got tired and went to bed ,and haven't really had a chance to since with Christmas and all!!! I did like the part where he met that girl at the bachlorette party and she was really drunk,and she made him breathe in the thing ,so she could crank the car!!! Then she was driving drunk and nearly killed them ,then puked all over him and asked was sex out of the question!! Then he said he would need a rain check!! She hit the side of the car along the road many times and then hit someone after they got to their destination ,then she said that car came out of no where!! She was too drunk to drive and was flying in and out of cars!! I can't wait to see it all!!

 

You've got to see the 'Speed-dating' scene, and the extra-Speed Dating footage on the DVD, as well as the bookstore scene -- the DVD is worth what you saw, and those scenes alone.

[lilmoma1973]

 

Thanks Admiral i will be sure to watch it then!! I also liked the part where they locked him in the store and made him watch porn all night and he was yelling for them to let him out!! Can't wait to finish it and see how it ends!!

[Admiral Thrawn]

 

Thanks Admiral i will be sure to watch it then!! I also liked the part where they locked him in the store and made him watch porn all night and he was yelling for them to let him out!! Can't wait to finish it and see how it ends!!

 

Oh, you'd likely want to see this movie twice, or go through a few of its corney scenes a few times!

 

If you like this movie, I also recommend "Hitch", and "Duece Bigalow: The European Gigalow" (although the reviews on this last one were a bit on the low side - it is still the sex comedy genre).

[sparticuss]

I'm actually half way through a black comedy titled.

 

35 year old Virgin

 

This is the recent film "40 year old virgin" but gender reveresed and is a cross betwen drama and black comedy.

It follows the life of the central character, Jill / Jean / from childhood to about her 35th birthday and follows the cause of her relationship problems.

 

It opens with her at four years of age with her parents, on the verge of divorce, dragging her and her six year old brother into their domestic fights.

 

It covers her post divorce mum going through all the bitter "venting" that post divorce women do and even then, sarah is aware that "men are barstards," She sees it in the intolerance her mum has towards her brother her ex her male collegues the lot. Eventually her father, according to her mum, just abandons the family. In fact he continues with the maintinance but stops visiting because the figths upset the kids too much.

 

At seven years of age shes just horsing round with the boy next door in the bedroom. Nothing sexual. Just the innocent wresting round that any kids do. But mums just been dumped by the boyfriend and is a bad PMS mood and absoloutely flies off the handle and throws the boy out.. Sarah just cant understand it. Mum apologises a half an hour later but how do you explain PMS to a seven year old.

 

From 13 to 23 Sarah has three forces invading her relationship decisions. The peer group are preaching things like "don't say yes the first time or he wont respect you, and they demonstate how this is done when they sneak into discos under false identiities. "Piss arrfff ya creeep " is a perfectly acceptable way of saying "I dont want to dance with you right now. Ask me again ain half an hour" Her mum is now resentful of the idea that Sarah is sexier than she is but, never game to say it. She hides behind the age old excuse that girls who enjoy pre marital sex are sluts. However, paticularly as Sarah hits uni she's increasingly concerned that theres no sign of that wedding dress.

 

The badgering and new job eventually leads sarah to move out and set up a share house with a few girlfriends from school. The girlfriends are contunually getting married and moving out but that causes no problem with the rent. They are being replaced, just as quickly , with divorced girlfriends who are also on the "all men are barstards" bandwagon. The house has become a de facto womens shelter and this hostile environment is no place to bring home a boyfriend.

 

The whole thing comes to a head, in similar style to Bridget Jones Diary, when she hits her 35th borthday and is still a virgin. Mum and the girlfriends have out grown the man hating. They are no longer looking for anything but the most casual of relationships. but they are trying to push her into serious dates and reltionships usually with the most unsuitable of boyfriends. The body clock is included in this section too.

 

The problem is that the men are either happily married, or very very badly bruised from the last divorce. ( something that no film or script I've ever seen has ever covered properley. ) In fact the only ones even interested are those few cheats that are actually screwing around behind the wifes back. These few men really are barstards but this ends up being re conformation of the idea that all men are barstards.

 

How to aproach a relatonship either casual or serious, at that age. How to show a man even simple friendship and respect when youve been raised in man hating environments. Interesting one! Thats the problem, thats the main guts of the story. Sarah is a modern woman and is perfectly capable of being the one to ask the men on the dates but how to cope with the rejection by the men who are happily married (they don't all wear rings) or divorce bruised. Most women consider rejection to be when the man, theyve been chatting up all evening, leaves the party with another woman. Being knocked back on a date is a whole different ball game.

 

Somewhere in there is a reconcilliation with her father. When they meet they dont even recognise one another.

[bluetuesday]

Well, I've been tempted to use a prostitute myself, like an East Indian one or something, but decided, not to do it, because I think that many of these prostitutes... dont care who they have sex with

 

yeah, i believe that's the definition.

 

I would love to hear a woman's point of view, her comments, her questions and answers. Would you (as a woman) date and have sex with a 40 yr old virgin?

 

i dunno. is he a nice guy?

 

Are there any 40 yr old woman who are virgins, not by choice, but due to circumstances, virginity thrust upon them (so to speak)

 

of course there are. probably heaps of them.

 

What do you suggest as help for men in this situation?

 

get out of the house. be sociable. take a college course. accept invitations to things. be nice to women. all women - not just the hot ones. plain ones often have hot friends. be amusing, if you can be. laugh at yourself. don't take life too seriously. be approachable. think about what she might like to talk about. this probably won't include three hours of discussing the inner workings of your gearbox. and above all, try to be self-assured without being over-confident. find something good about yourself and focus on it. convince yourself you're not that bad after all and women will believe you. and finally, don't be too desperate to give it away. prize yourself, so will she. and sooner or later, one will want to know you better. i guarantee it.

 

Do you think there is something wrong with a 40 yr old virgin?

 

yes. lack of confidence, more than likely. luckily it's fixable.