A case of NC taken too far

[TequilaSunrise]

Hi guys

 

I had been going out with my gf for about 9 months. She is very attractive but also very flaky. She is used to having guys chase her, so to date I have tried to be the opposite and play it cool.

 

The first time she “broke” up with me was while chatting on messenger. She said she didn’t think it was working out. This wasn't after a fight or anything. Just during casual conversation. I said I was sorry to hear that and wished her well and logged off. I think she was surprised about my reaction and immediately called me. I didn’t answer her calls until the next day. She tried to pass it off as a joke and later a test.

 

The second time she did the “lets just be friends” thing. This was after a fight but not a big one (we never had a big fight). I said no to the friends idea and broke off contact. She kept sending me emails and texts over a two week period asking how I was etc. Mostly I didn’t respond. However, we got back together after two weeks

 

The third time, I just sensed she was losing interest. I was always calling her. She sometimes returned calls, sometimes not. She stopped using pet names and called me by my first name. So I stopped calling her first and she stopped calling and we lost contact altogether. No one actually said we had broken up or anything like that.

 

About a month later she catches me on Messenger and queries why I stopped contacting her. I said that she had stopped contacting me and I could tell she had lost interest. She said she thought I had lost interest. She claimed she had text me a few times. But I think that was a lie. She tried to pass it all off as a big misunderstanding and things could continue from there. I am confident she had lost interest but my sudden silence had taken her by surprise. As I said earlier she is used to being chased so I am sure my indifference intrigued her. I should emphasise that I was always caring etc when I was with her, so i don't want to look like I was indifferent during the relationship. I only acted indifferent when she pulled her periodic episodes.

 

Based on past experience, I felt that it would just happen all over again so I didn’t reply to her comment about getting back together. My computer crashed soon after and I didn’t bother to log back on. I thought if she was that interested she could pick up the telephone or email or something.

 

Over the next week she was always on messenger. She only ever used messenger to speak to me. I remained on stealth. Last weekend, she was logged on for the entire weekend. I think this was her last gasp effort to make contact as on the Monday she logged off and hasn’t been on since. A week has passed.

 

I know she is (or was) interested. But everyone has a point where they say ‘screw this, it is just not worth it” Did she reach that point? Do I need to make some kind of overture now and if so what? Or should I just keep up the nc and see what happens?

 

When you read the stories on this board, I feel kind of foolish that I had the second chance and turned it down. But I didn't want to keep going around through the emotional games she was playing. Do people feel that she will make another attempt to contact or is the ball in my court to make contact now.

 

Merry xmas all.

[omegaRED]

Meh... Next!

 

Seriously though, while i can understand playing little games at the beginning of a relationship (though i don`t do that, waste of time IMHO), my patience has a limit. So if i find myself in such a position, when i should be enjoying the "honeymoon" phase, and instead i`m thinking what should i do if she does this and that, then i got to weigh the good and the bad. More often than not, it`s just not worth the time and effort.

 

Maybe you should sit her down, and have a serious convo with her. Set the boundaries, what`s acceptable/unacceptable behaviour, you know, the likes. Give her a chance to show that she`s serious and mature. Then, based on the outcome, decide what to do.

 

I guess there`s not much harm in contacting her, you seem to be doing allright for yourself and are not grief stricken or anything, so i guess you could have that talk.

[masie]

Sure, talk to her if you like, but keep in mind that if you really want her in your life, you two need to sit face-2-face and discuss major issues--expectations, pet peeves, relationship needs. Otherwise, say goodbye now. Also, if you don't get in touch, she probably won't.

[travellingman]

But I didn't want to keep going around through the emotional games she was playing. Do people feel that she will make another attempt to contact or is the ball in my court to make contact now.

 

Contact her, and stop worrying about your ego.

 

Girls who aren't interested don't make the kind of effort she's making.

[justagirliegirl]

Is having this hot girl worth putting up with her flakiness?

 

I gotta admit lots of hot women treat their men like dirt and the guys lap in up and go back for more as having that ego boost from showing off a hot woman makes all the games and abuse worth it to them.

 

If it is, go back and accept it.

 

If not, go find yourself a real woman not a little girl playing little girl games.

[pippen_2k]

I dunno, but by reading your thread you dont seem too concerned weather or not your with her..

 

If there is no strong feelings between you 2 id just let it go..

[J dub]

>I know she is (or was) interested. But everyone has a point where they say ‘screw this, it is just not worth it” Did she reach that point?

 

You know what I was wondering? When are YOU going to reach that point?

 

>When you read the stories on this board, I feel kind of foolish that I had the second chance and turned it down.

 

Wouldnt this be more like a FIFTH chance? This girl is playin you like a violin my friend. I used to do this to men because it felt good to know that no matter what I did, there they were...waitin for me. Sad, isnt it?

 

>But I didn't want to keep going around through the emotional games she was playing.

 

Then do yourself a favor and just let her go.

 

>Do people feel that she will make another attempt to contact or is the ball in my court to make contact now

 

She'll continue to find ways to contact you as long as she needs periodical ego boosts from you. I know the others said to just call her and forget about pride and all that, but for real? When are you going to draw the line here? Wouldnt the 3rd time have been enough to say, ok...this girl is a nutcase?

[grace2005]

I say f**k pride! That is not even an issue. If I knew that sacrificing my pride would work to get someone back I would do it. Don't let pride rule your decisions.