Author Brittanyjean06 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Share Posted December 28, 2005 brooke how long has it been for you? and every one else??? Link to post Share on other sites
sick of it Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 7 months. i still miss her and want her back. shes with a new guy too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Share Posted December 28, 2005 yeah it will take a while i think. maybe this is happening so we are on our way to some one new and better. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamguy Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Brittanyjean06, I've been in your shoes more than once... thank God I finally understood that closure is the most important phase of a break-up. If the other person gives it to you by saying something like "It's completely over between us, don't call me because I will never call you" then it's fine. But most of the times the other person doesn't say that. They just don't want to feel guilty for having broken someone else's heart into thousands of pieces ! They want both the luxury of ending the relationship and keep feeling great about how nice and smooth they did it ! When they break up with you, they don't tell you that they will never call even if they know it. They leave it up to you, you have to guess it. Unfortunately it may take months and in some cases years for some to guess this. So you go on and on, waiting and hoping that one day that phone will ring and your loved one will be on the other side of the line asking you for a second chance !" I say this to you and to all the other lonely people out there reading my message: "You life is passing you by, the one you still Love will never be able to bring back all those elapsed seconds that are gone even if they get back with you". The best thing to do is to stop agonizing over the idea of a possible phone call one day. Stop expecting it to happen. Go on with your life without discarding the chance that it might happen. But just don't think about it and don't focus on it, set it as a background wish if you will and then forget it and go on with your life. If I had to summarize my words I would tell you to always have hope but no expectations whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Share Posted December 28, 2005 I can't hold done to hope, even if we were to get back together.....it would not be the same.....we were growing up, i was only 14 now im almost 18.... im in a different phase now( its been 5 months)...it still hurts soooo bad, its so painful...but i guess thats apart of life...feels like hes dead. but thanks for the advice, everything does help....im learning to except this. Link to post Share on other sites
brooke7777 Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Brittanyjean...we broke up in August, so it has been about 4 months of agonizing pain for me. It's still so weird to believe that we are not together anymore. I know that I have accepted the fact that we are no longer together, but I guess I'm still clinging onto that hope that one day he may come back to his senses. Dreamguy...it is so hard to have hope without any expectations. Even though I try to tell myself that I am going to go into each conversation with him without any expectations, I can't help but think maybe he'll change his mind, maybe I'll wake up and everything will be back to the way it used to be. I think that we were together for such a long time on such a deep level that it's still too hard for me to put him in the back of my mind. Even during the last days we were together, we talked about our future life together. I truly thought I would never be with another man in my life. On a positive note, I am feeling much better today than I did yesterday. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 "You life is passing you by, the one you still Love will never be able to bring back all those elapsed seconds that are gone even if they get back with you". The best thing to do is to stop agonizing over the idea of a possible phone call one day. Stop expecting it to happen. It's a beautiful and healthy outlook in trying to deal with recovering from a broken heart. brooke7777, if you are still in contact with your ex, you will always be in this stuck mode. The further I got away from the reality of not hearing from my ex, the more essential I knew it was for me not to try again to talk or communicate with him. Bit by bit, releasing the hope allowed me to rebuild. I think having this hope makes you feel less alone. In your mind you have the relationship still going, it's a way of denying what's really going on, that you are not together, if you believe it can still happen and you keep it in your head mind you have that to hold on to. Eventually the turning point will be when you truly come face to face with accepting it. Having hope is sort of a way from preventing you from the panic of "this person is not a part of my life. I am alone. I am an individual. I must be who I am without that person I've identified with for so long." Those are scary things to face when you're identity was tied to your bf. I can only say, I thought for myself I would writhe away and die...and now today, though there is a stain of sadness, I am much better off because that hope was actually holding me back from my own personal growth and dealing with me, all of me and my parts..the good bad and variety of parts of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 All my friends say im in the best situation- because he hasn't talked to me in 5 months- and for you to still be talking to him, you are slowly hanging on to him-- its not over till its over- after a break up( yes it is a break up)--- you need that time to accept everything- learn that you guys will never be back together- and hopefulyy understand that your wounds will heal brook i know your pain- i know the suffering, everything hit me again yesterday after my rebound feelings kinda wore off with someone- The pain is so emotional because its how you feel at the time, at the time you know things are truly over- its not like those normal fights ya'll used to get- this is real this time- and the pain of that is so bad, its scary:-( but im feeling it to- do some good things for people! help people out- make your self feel better- one day it will come back to you- 4 months is not enough time for anything- it just sounds like a long time- one day you will be happy again- we all will- just not right now- i hope your taking in all the comfort you can from friends- all this pain you are feeling- will change you in to an even better person- you will be stronger- not so naive to life( as i am)- you will be a deeper person- not one of those people who go through life living happily ever after never to experience pain- this will make you appreciate life more- when the hurt is gone- Right now- i hope you can take my advice and hold done to it- i know its hard---it hits you really bad- soooo bad but i wish you the best- we can keep in touch on whats been happening- don't hang on to him -if you love something let it go- if you keep talking to him- it will be a never ending cycle-- i know its hard but i guess i am in a good postion because my ex won't give me the time of day Link to post Share on other sites
brooke7777 Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Brittanyjean and InSync...thank you for your input and advice. I know deep down that remaining in contact with him is not the best, but I feel like I don't want to lose him completely. I know that this is just prolonging my saddness and the time it will take me to get over things. It's just hard...it's a constant struggle to let go of communication. I guess part of me just doesn't want or know how to let go of the hope. I think the hardest part for me is that my support system has not really been so supportive. I have learned that two of my closest friends are not really my friends at all. They have not been there for me at all and are completely absorbed into their own happy lives. My family has been there, but it seems as though they are only there when it is convenient. It hurts real bad sometimes. I just feel lost and alone. Sometimes I wish I could just pick up and move somewhere new to start all over again. I wish both of you the best of luck. This is a hard time for all of us and you are both so much stronger than I am...so I know that you will pull through this and arise as confident, strong women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Oh believe me i am not strong at all!- i am so weak----everything will fall together eventually- just right now your still not used to the way things are...and i meen 4 months? who said you should be! i think it takes a year to get back on your feet again...it takes a while. Life isn't easy , and its unbearing to know that suffering is not only for a cuple of months but possibly for that next year- I feel terrible for you, for your support system- that must be really hard--I know how you feel though to be completly alone- and thats what the world is all about sometimes-- we all get a taste of this world sooner or later- the pain is undescribable---- but good luck- Your luck your ex still takes you in to consideration- cheak up on eachother every now and than- and see how eachother is doing- dont let him see you hurt- Pick your self up ....you are not alone! Link to post Share on other sites
brooke7777 Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 I try to tell myself that ther are people that are way worse off than myself and that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and focus ont he things that are going good in my life. But somehow it's so much easier to focus on the things that aren't going so well. It doesn't help that I am the only single one of all of my friends. It sucks. It makes the lonliness sting that much more. Tomorrow is going to be a rough one...it will be the first new years without him in 3 years. Yikes. Part of me wished I was in your shoes and that he did not give me the time of day because then maybe I would be on the faster track to healing. On the other hand, I'm sure that I would be truly devastated that he did not wish to contact me at all. But on a positive note, think of it as a gift, you will not have to struggle with the emotional ups and downs that come with contact from the ex. I'm sure there are still plenty of ups and downs still in your life, but at least not generated from contact from him. Hang in there, girl! We should definitely keep tabs on each other and check up. Have fun whatever you decide to do this new years! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted December 31, 2005 Author Share Posted December 31, 2005 I hope you have a good new years as well!- mine will be the first with out the ex in like 3 years-- well theres a first for everything right?....think about this- I know the pain you feel is so bad- and yes it could be even worse because your friends are happy- but your going through a change in your life ..that needs to hurt- and needs to be done, with out this change...you wont get to see what new things will come in your life- YOu will be so happy one day, right now this is all you see, this was all you new for how ever long you went out with him so its only normal to be afraid of whats on the other side- everything will fall together hold done- make new friends if you can- i know thats hard to- right now you and me both don't see it. but these changes could be the best thing that ever happend to us! we can keep tabs for sure:) thats awsome nothing like talking to someone who understands your pain! take care! Link to post Share on other sites
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