Re: Online to Reality

[marzipan75]

Gosh, this is so hard. There is no easy way to tell the truth. I think you should wait until he comes to visit and then tell him in person. I can't imagine he would be really angry about your second divorce or your children however the age difference may throw him a bit. This is the problem with dating online, you have a certain anonymity which gives you an outlet to be as creative as you want and the end result is you can be a rock star, until you meet in person.

 

I think you should very carefully take him aside when he comes and tell him the entire truth. If his feelings are strong enough for you then he will be angry with you but he will choose to stay and work things out with you. I can't guarantee that he will and that's the risk you run when you tell him the truth in the first place. The problem is you lied and they weren't little white lies but you lied about your age and then neglected to give him the other info about your second divorce. This is not exactly a good way to start a relationship, no matter how you see it. He may recognize this and need time to think about it before he sees you again. You have to tell him otherwise you will keep going and then what? He'll learn the truth somehow and it would be better if you told him yourself.

 

Think about it. Good luck, I know it's not going to be easy.

I have been involved in an online relationship that began about 5 months ago. When i first started talkin with him i told some half truths about my age, former marriages and children. A few weeks ago i went out to see him. We had a great time but i still didn't tell him about my other marriage, (he thinks i was only married once)I've been married and divorced twice. He thinks I'm younger than i am because i look younger. He's 41 and I'm 51. And i didn't tell him my true age. And worst of all I didn't tell him about my 2 older children from my first marriage. I don't know why. He says he loves me and I have some very strong feelings for him. He will be coming out to see me in a few weeks. I know I have to tell him the truth. I am trying to figure out how to do this. Please give me some help here. I know I should have been truthful about all of my history from the beginning and I feel awful. I have discussed some of this with my friends and family. But I still am having difficulty with this problem. Thanks for any insight you can offer.

[Buckeyegal]

You obviously have to tell him the truth, and the sooner the better, before you become more seriously involved. The longer you wait, the more hurt you'll cause yourself, if he decides to break off the relationship.

 

Why would you lie about such important issues? I can see maybe not bringing up the two divorces right off the bat when you first meet someone, but you've been talking for 5 months now, and I would think it would be actually easier to reveal the skeletons in your closet to someone you hadn't actually met face to face yet. If that person then decided that he wanted to end the "relationship", it would be much less painful than if it was someone you were involved with personally.

 

I don't understand why people lie about their age, physical appearance, career, etc. when they meet someone over the 'net, especially if they have any intention at all of meeting for real, it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm sure you expect honesy from any potential partners, don't you think you owe them the same?

 

So tell him, and if he decides to not pursue the relationship, then chalk it up to a lesson learned. Starting a relationship built on deceit will get you nowhere.

I have been involved in an online relationship that began about 5 months ago. When i first started talkin with him i told some half truths about my age, former marriages and children. A few weeks ago i went out to see him. We had a great time but i still didn't tell him about my other marriage, (he thinks i was only married once)I've been married and divorced twice. He thinks I'm younger than i am because i look younger. He's 41 and I'm 51. And i didn't tell him my true age. And worst of all I didn't tell him about my 2 older children from my first marriage. I don't know why. He says he loves me and I have some very strong feelings for him. He will be coming out to see me in a few weeks. I know I have to tell him the truth. I am trying to figure out how to do this. Please give me some help here. I know I should have been truthful about all of my history from the beginning and I feel awful. I have discussed some of this with my friends and family. But I still am having difficulty with this problem. Thanks for any insight you can offer.

[Response to Marzipan &Buckeyegal]

I agree with what you both have said...my failure to be honest is possibly going to cost me the love and friendship of a very wonderful man. I am agonizing over this as you can tell. I do think that this must be done in person at this point as He has already made plans to come out to see me. Why did I do it? I guess because I let my ex husband convince me that I had no value as a person. My last divorce was very ugly. Without going into too much detail..I felt unworthy of anyone's love or attention. I do hope that my *online friend* can find it in his heart to forgive me. Thanks to you both for your input.

I have been involved in an online relationship that began about 5 months ago. When i first started talkin with him i told some half truths about my age, former marriages and children. A few weeks ago i went out to see him. We had a great time but i still didn't tell him about my other marriage, (he thinks i was only married once)I've been married and divorced twice. He thinks I'm younger than i am because i look younger. He's 41 and I'm 51. And i didn't tell him my true age. And worst of all I didn't tell him about my 2 older children from my first marriage. I don't know why. He says he loves me and I have some very strong feelings for him. He will be coming out to see me in a few weeks. I know I have to tell him the truth. I am trying to figure out how to do this. Please give me some help here. I know I should have been truthful about all of my history from the beginning and I feel awful. I have discussed some of this with my friends and family. But I still am having difficulty with this problem. Thanks for any insight you can offer.