Thinking of going back on anti-depressants to combat OCD

[Thinkalot]

Hi all...been a while since I regularly chatted on here, but for a while LS was a real source of support for me, and I still know a few of you, who are familiar with my story and battle to overcome OCD.

 

I've come a long way and been doing much better. I took anti-depressants for close to a year I guess, before stopping them, because i really dont like taking chemicals and because of the extreme impact they had on my libido and ability to orgasm (they basically stopped it).

They did help however, calm my thoughts, and compulsive need to question and know everything about my husbands life/past etc (very destructive).

 

Lately however, i have found, that while my husband isnt the focus so much, i obsess about other things. I get very stuck. Largely if things dont meet my extremely lofty expectations, i get so dissapointed, and rerun events over and over and over...imagining things i could have done differently, changed etc, or analysing the cause etc etc. And believe me, to anyone else, the outcome of events would probably have been fine anyway. I might still be rerunning the events in my mind months later.

 

It is so so tiring to be me. I am happy overall, and i truly have a great life. I have money, a husband who cares for me and loves me, and who I love in return, savings, two nice cars between us, a loving family, freedom, etc etc. And yet, some days i want to smash my head against the wall just to make the thoughts which rattle around consistently, about one thing or another, just STOP.

 

I have been to a psych and done CBT etc etc. I have learnt a lot about OCD and the way I work. I go through phases which are better and phases which are worse.

 

It's just lately I am sick of battling for peace in my head, so it thought, perhaps going on meds for a while, would help calm things down, and get me back on track.

 

If anyone else on here, who maybe wasnt around earlier, when I chatted a lot about this, can relate, let me know. It's always a comfort.

 

Anyway-just thought i'd share.

[Craig]

Hello Thinkalot nice to see you again. Re the anti-depressants for OCD idea and the loss of libido. You might try a different anti-depressant and try a lower dosage than suggested.

 

I don't know which one you were on but Celexa is used for OCD and Lexapro a newer SSRI than Celexa might work for you. I haven't checked on any studies re the use of Lexapro for OCD recently but the last time I looked there weren't any. The reason I suggest that Lexapro might work is it's similarity to Celexa. Lexapro typically is prescribed at 10 to 20 mg per day but some studies suggest no advantage of 20 mg vs 10 mg. You might find some relief from the OCD symptoms at 10 mg or even less. It might be worth talking to your doc about. Oh, one other thing...Lexapro seems to have fewer side effects than Celexa and is tolerated better by people that have had unwanted side effects using other SSRIs.

 

It could be worth a try just to see what happens and how you feel taking it.

 

Best of luck.

[Thinkalot]

thanks Craig for that

[johan]

When you went off of the pills I supported your decision. The fact that you had doubts as to the cost-benefit was enough to tell me maybe it wasn't right for you. And I do believe that some problems for which drugs are prescribed can be overcome with adjustments in thinking.

 

Now that you've done it and can see both sides, I think your decision is just as wise. I hope it helps you have more peace.

 

And now that you're married, a libido isn't as much of a requirement anyway. (ha ha.. kidding). Maybe you can find a dosage or type of treatment that will still leave you going strong.

 

Good luck, Thinkalot. I hope you post about your progress.

[Thinkalot]

thanks, i will...going to the doc soon i think- i need to go for a general checkup anyway, so might bring this up then too and discuss the options.

[newbby]

thinkalot, have you tried meditation?

i had a severe ocd, well i have had lots of different themes to it, probably like yourself. i had one though, that completely crippled me and left me unable to function, i obviously did not realise it was another ocd at the time.

through a combination of yoga and meditation, i managed to pull myself up. it wasnt easy and it took time, but if you have not reached the crippling stage then, you may find it is a good preventative.

[Thinkalot]

Thanks- yes i do meditate and am also doing yoga which i find helps.

I have actually decided now to hold off on the medication for a bit longer, while i endeavour to use the techniques i have learnt and see how i go.

Made some good 2006 resolutions!

[johan]

Made some good 2006 resolutions!

 

Like what??

[Thinkalot]

Well, some of them require really revisiting some of my techniques for boosting my self esteem and living in the present.

 

For example, one of them, is to trust in myself and my own decisions, knowing that I have the skills, values, inner knowing to make good decisions most of the time, that I can trust in myself without always second guessing or needing to check things by running them by my husband or my mum. That is very much a negative thing, because it takes away my personal power. To be able to let go that need would be very liberating and would perhaps also increase my personal strength and self etseem and enable me to not worry so much what others think of me, or how they would act. That in turn will lesson my need to compete and compare, and my ability to trust in my own path and my own choices in life (ie. instead of comparing them with my husband's past choices, or what a friend would do etc. or what my mum believes is right etc). Which in turn will hopefully mean I obsess less, because much of my obsessing is about what others are thinking, things i have said, the fact that something i did wasnt "perfect" etc.

 

I have always done this. I spoke at length about it with my husband and best friend over a new years eve dinner out last night (we know each other well, and each wrote our new years resolutions together, which was fun, and insightful, and supportive). I came to see that my saying some kind of mantra about believing in myself, and also accepting that if i am sometimes wrong, thats ok...that I can achieve greater freedom.

I feel that will help reduce the fuel to my obsessive brain. I will always be a person with tendencies towards being controlling, driven, obsessive...it's partly genetic and my personality type...but I figure, I can control how much I obsess in a negative way...and provide less fuel to the fire, so to speak, if i conitnue to get a grip on some of my self esteem/insecurity issues. I understand where they have come from in part. And by applying a mantra, similar to the one i do whenever i start wallowing in the past (ie I will make the most of the present moment and not waste any more of this day looking backwards) I can hopefully get out of the need/habit to always ask others for advice and check things with them.

 

lol- rather longwinded response! My husband and I also made some joint new years resolutions, related to our marriage. And some of my other resolutions were about tangible things, to do with my career/writing etc.

[newbby]

thinkalot, it all sounds good. i do this too, in fact i completely STOPPED asking or telling people ANYTHING at all. feel so much better for it.

[meanon]

The constant thinking and ruminating can be absolutely exhausting. If you feel on balance that meds will give you a much needed break then go for it. Think of it as a holiday, some relaxation time. As you know, it's all swings and roundabouts - there are no right/wrong answers. You are the best judge of what's right for you at the time, just trust your judgement and don't give yourself a hard time over it.

 

It may help with your NYRs too. I think the primary thing from which all other things flow is the perfectionist streak. It's the failure to measure up to your own beliefs which causes the low self esteem, anxiety and feelings of excessive responsibility/need for control. It is all linked so doing something in one area will help, but I can't remember if you've really ever really tackled the perfectionist beliefs head on in quite the same practical way as some of the symptoms. Maybe it's worth a try.

 

I found out recently that it's not uncommon for people to transfer the beliefs to their expectations of others (seeking perfect relationships, for example). I'm not saying you do this, but I thought you'd be interested in the idea.

 

Whatever you decide about the meds, it sounds like you're heading for a Happy New Year, thinkalot

[kkat]

Hello. I am not familiar with your history but am hoping I can help in terms of what you have written here.

 

I have had what has been diagnosed as "situational" depressions which each lasted for a period of time around a relationship loss or other loss. I was never able to find an anti-depressant that I could tolerate.

 

However, I have also had some periods of extreme anxiety disorders primarily manifested as claustrophobia. It's interesting because in general, I have never been an "anxious" person and tended to be quite the opposite, but once it hit, it came on hard and strong. I recovered for a while, then it suddenly came back this fall, manifested as claustrophobia, then a more generalized agoraphobia, panic attacks, and OCD. This was my first real occurence of OCD but it became strange and intense very quickly.

 

With the support and encouragement of others (including Newbby - thanks!) - I started doing a restorative yoga practice several times a week, started anxiety and phobia counseling, and several other practices to assist my anxiety level to lower naturally. However, it was not enough. I was unable to function and was in danger of losing my career so I pursued medication. At first, I was prescribed Zoloft, then was switched to Fluvoxamine, which is commonly prescribed for OCD and other anxiety disorders. I was switched because of side effects from Zoloft, including sexual side effects.

 

Note: During one of my depressive experiences in the past, I briefly took Lexapro and the sexual side effects for me were horrifying. However, I also know it is very unique and each person might be different.

 

I am doing much better, especially from an OCD perspective. My problem has not gone away, and my anxiety is still there, especially around situations I have labeled as claustrophobic (there are unfortunately many). However, the moment to moment OCD has improved dramatically, and I am possibly increasing my medication dosage to see if I can improve even more. At this point, I would really prefer not to be on the meds, but I felt I had no real option, and I am really glad I did it. I have never taken meds for anxiety or depression for more than approx. 6 weeks - the longest I ever forced myself to tolerate something - but I have been on meds since early November and have no intention or need to stop right now - just saying I have been able to tolerate and benefit from this drug.

 

Good luck! Please continue with the yoga, meditation, and other practices to help yourself naturally, and consider medication as a reasonable course of action if you think it would help you get over or through a bad time!