You (single) vs You (seeing someone)

[mattea]

Does anyone else feel like their world is all turned inside-out when they begin seeing someone?

 

Me when I'm single (and not recovering from a heartache):

Can focus my attention on tasks or radio shows or conversations or whatever I'm reading and be absorbed by my interests. Relatively present and peaceful and (hopefully) fun to be with. Generally excited about my life and my plans for the future and like to try new things.

 

Me when I start seeing someone:

Scared, worried, anxious. Hard to focus on work or my interests or whatever my friend might be telling me in the moment. Often consumed with thoughts about the relationship and feeling afraid of being betrayed. Analyzing things, wondering if I'm going to end up getting hurt.

 

I don't mean to make it sound like I can't EVER enjoy anything or time with anyone when I'm dating someone new... it's just that I seem to spend a lot more time/energy dealing with all and controling my fears and it affects my life. I've been to lots of therapy! But yes, I'm deathly afraid of abandonment or betrayal, especially after being burned recently several times. I hate to think that these fears will sabatoge the possibilities with this new relationship or the quality of my life in general.

 

This guy is giving me nothing but good signs and I like him a lot, yet at times it's hard to just be in the moment with him. I want a relationship, want intimacy, hope we can grow closer and to trust each other, but sometimes it just doesn't even feel good when we're together - my fears come up and I just want to go be by myself! It's like I'm waiting for the blow that it's hard to believe won't come. How do I hang in there!?

[suegail]

But why must there be pressure? and I hope you'll be able to see that it shouldn't have to be that way. Once you've been really hurt it's hard to put away the fear that you'll be hurt again...it's hard for anyone, but if you've met someone who is genuine and is someone who honestly regards your feelings, and this is someone you care for in return, try to learn to give them your trust, somehow, someway, because otherwise you will in one way or another lose the relationship.

[greenNymph]

For some reason I was thinking that I was abnormal for feeling as mattea just described. When I am single (and not just recovering from a breakup) I am able to handle life. But, at the same time, I am lonley. Furthermore, when I am with someone, I am totally different. I can't offer much advice but I can at least offer my condolences on the situation and wish you all the best. I am in your same position...