How to get my ex back from a new BF

[Damageincx18]

help me!! my name is chris. My girlfriend and i just ended our 3 year relationship. i blame myself for it but shes not taking responcibilty for her actions...me and her started to going out end of my jr year in high school. first year was amazing!! then she started sleeping over my house for the next two years. i am a person who gets stressed very easily and would argue over little **** that shouldnt bother me. i know i know...im a dick. but when i ask her for a break and maybe just clear our heads she wouldnt go back home. then comes august of 2005 to present. i had just gotten a new job and its not an easy job. very stressful. she got a job on the same place i did. i though it was going to be awesome but it got worst. everytime she would come on her break to see me i couldnt talk to her for very long do to my job being so time consuming. i love her very much and i didnt mean for this to happen. my parents are very old fashion and dont believe in moving in together unless married. that made everything even more stressfull for me and she would get the crop of it. i didnt mean to, then a guy at my job started talking to her and making feel welcome but he had a girlfriend who he says he loves! wtf? he kept asking my girl to chill on breaks and they started to hang out and the next thing i knew she eneded it with me with no warning and no chances. because she said there was no agrument with him and she was happy. i said we needed a break and when you gave it to me and i finally realize my life with out her. she found a new guy, im trying to get her back but shes not having it and she expects me to be her friend still. she was my life i would give the shirt on my back if she wanted it. i cant see my life with out her. shes moving way to fast with this guy and its driving me crazy. i dont know what to do anymore. all my friends are gone due to me just hanging out with her for the past 3 years. am i the bad guy because she didnt give us the break we needed!!?? you cant break up with a guy you love for just some fun and less agruement can you?? i need some advice please. im giving her space now and she contacts me once in a while and it hurts the she just left. i mean she was still sleeping with me 3 weeks before this happened WTF!!???

[J dub]

>you cant break up with a guy you love for just some fun and less agruement can you??

 

Heck yeah you can, especially one who doesnt have time for you, who argues with you about lame stuff (your words) and who emotionally isnt available. She didnt want to wait when you wanted a break, why should she? You cannot crucify someone for wanting to be with someone else. It's nature and she's allowed to choose not to be with you.

 

> i mean she was still sleeping with me 3 weeks before this happened WTF

 

You'll often hear of people who say their ex was sweet/loving to them up to the very HOUR they broke up. It's not uncommon.

 

I know you are having a hard time with this, but perhaps this will give you some time to look inside yourself and see what caused you to shut her out in the first place. If anything, this will be a learning experience...you cant take people for granted.

[Damageincx18]

i know what you are saying and ive learned all those things. i told her everything you said, i was sry. i mean this guy was trying to take her from me from the beggining. asking me sex questions about her while he had a girlfriend he said he loved. his a dick, i cant do nothing about it because of my job and i promise my ex i wouldnt start anything. i feel like she was very vulnerable and any guy could have given her attention like that and swept of her feet while we had our problems, and she could have fallen for anyone. all i was asking was sometime to just break from the arguements, she was with me every min. most of all she was with the guy during our break, i mean thats wrong!! dont you think?? when i finally cleared my head and i mean really though about her and i and how much i wanted her to be with me for the rest of my life and the little **** shouldnt get in the way. she tells "i cant do it its going to end the same way and i cant do this anymore" whatever.

[Damageincx18]

For some there is the added problem of your love thinking they're in love with someone else. That's about as hard a romantic bump in life as there is. You hate your rival. And yet, many times I've seen the other person be the key that puts your relationship back together. HOW??? Simple, while you've got alarm clocks going off like crazy the one you love is in the flush of infatuation. Infatuation is not love. Looks like it, feels like it, but it isn't love. Love is when you look at someone and say "I know all their faults and even if they never change a thing - I love them enough to stay." A person who's infatuated isn't qualified to make that statement. Not that it stops them or stops them from believing it. It's just good to know.

 

When you utilize your alarm clocks and make yourself have so much fun you can be patient.... now they have time alone with the new Mr. or Miss wonderful. Infatuation moves into the stage of disillusionment. They wonder what they saw in the new one in the first place. If at the same time they see you're not chasing them they can far more easily find themselves thinking "Why the new one isn't as good as the other one, am I being an idiot here or what?"

 

One girl told me, "But I can't have fun while I'm picturing them together!" Good point. Quit picturing things that hurt. Have three things you love to think about and three things you love to do in mind and handy at all times. When the picture starts, treat it like an alarm clock telling you to "Right now this very minute, think and do something else fun!" The first few times will be a little difficult, after that it's easier.

[ciara12step]

thats good that u read that article damaged ..

 

 

one thing i realize about being on this board, (and its nothing against anyone, because they have very strong points and most likely 80% of the time they are true) .. is that it's always about moving on ... and im one of those people no matter even if i have a 1 % chance at something .. i wanna at least try to change that 1 % no matter how much i sacrifice .. if i lose .. i learn again and again .. nearly impossible odds are still possible .. i mean isnt this what love is about ? the chase ??

 

the reason why we dont hear of so many success stories on these boards, is because people come here when they are depressed and emotionally hurt .. alot of times we dont know what happens when we dont seem them posting that much anymore .. alot of times, they've worked things out with who theyre trying to get back .. and other times they've just moved on to someone new ..

 

thats the exciting part of things, U NEVER KNOW .. unless u try ..

 

so basically, with ur situation damaged ..

 

right now doesnt look too good .. but like the article says .. who knows, it could be infatuation .. but only time can decide that .. but right now youre dealing with this heavy heavy pain of having to see this .. u have to find ways to get busy and talk to other people .. that is soooo hard, because i cant even do it myself .. no one is like the one u love .. but the key here is to stay busy and look confident to ur gf of 3 years (i was gonna say ex, but even i hate the word ex, lol ) .. u know what .. try to be cool with her, but very short .. and try to look busy around her .. make her wonder .. but the key is, is to build ur strength up to whats best for u .. im sure your mind has wandered 1 million times and u analyzed things in so many different ways .. just give her minimal contact .. but be strong and confident and busy .. only time knows where ur girl will be ..