Partner too friendly w/ friends of opposite sex.

[Candied-Heart]

I was just wondering. I don't really have a problem, just curious to know..

 

What is too far in your books regarding the way your partner speaks to his or her friends of the opposing sex? How they interact etc..? Are pet names offensive if they are names he/she uses for you also?

 

Do you find you are easily jealous depending on the way they speak to their friend of the opposite sex?

 

To what point is it fair to be annoyed, and at what point should you get over it?

 

[Mz. Pixie]

Gosh, it depends really.

 

How long has he known these girls?? Has he ever been romantically involved with them?? What exactly is he saying to them?

 

As an example let me use my husband. He has two female friends from college that he has stayed friends with over the years. They have helped each other through divorces and relationship issues. They have never been in a relationship. They call each other a couple of times a year. One of them called to wish us a Merry Christmas. When they were hanging up he said, "Well, take care darlin". Yeah, he calls me that sometimes too. It's just his nature though, he's a southern gentleman and they have been friends for 15 years. Didn't bother me a bit.

 

Now, if say she called and he answered and said, "Hey Baby- how have you been? How come you haven't called me" Blah, blah, blah you get the picture. I would not like that because I wouldn't feel it was respectful to me.

 

Do you see the difference there between those two conversations?? Also it would be a red flag to me if he had ever been romantically involved with this person and if he were talking to them in secret, when I wasn't around.

[witabix]

If they are only meeting when you are around are I wouldn't worry about it much.

 

Pet names, hard one to call. Some people attach more meaning to them than other people. Some pet names can have a romantic/sexual connotation, but its hatrd to tell which ones!

 

Physical interaction is another thing thats hard to call. Different strokes........

 

What would be more telling is the type of body language that goes on. Lingering looks, the tone of voice, blushing, the way they sit and mirroring.

 

You are a woman, you can read this better than me! Mz Pixie touched on the secrecy thing. Secrecy is always a bad sign. Secret one on one meetings, or activities that are too close to dating behavior would bother me a lot.

[Candied-Heart]

How long has he known these girls?? Has he ever been romantically involved with them?? What exactly is he saying to them?

 

Heh. I did say that I didn't have any problems and wasn't seeking 'advice'. It was a point I was pondering in *general*..

 

I was just wondering at what point people get a bit 'naturally' controlling or jealous regarding their SO's interaction with good friends.

[Dumbass]

Well, I had a thing recently where a girl I had gotten together with was engaged in some heavy physical play with a guy who was clearly horny for her....Granted, we'd only been together for about 7 days (we'd known each other for about a year), but it was a real "whirlwind" in that some pretty strong feelings from both of us had formed in those 7 days....She even said on the way to his house that "I think he's jealous because he knows you and I are together"...

 

She said he was a best friend, that he was like a brother...She'd only known him for 6 months more than she'd known me, and he had stated to her that he wanted something with her...

 

We went to his house, and I dunno....the "chemistry" between them was a bit strong right away...Play-fighting, grabbing, wrestling, he even lifted her up at one point and shouted "Youre my girl!!"...He made a comment about her taking off her top, and was staring at her bum...I wasn't happy with this guy, to say the least..

 

Also, I noticed that throughout the night, when my girl would talk to "us", she was really just looking right at him, grinning, and always by his side...

 

By this time, I was kinda reeling cos she hadn't really spoken to me or paid me any attention in a few hours, and watching this guy do with her what I really wanted to be doing, was bumming me out...

 

After awhile, she asked me what was wrong, and I was reluctant to even tell her....She insisted, so I told her "Look, it's not you, it's my problem...You have a right to do whatever you want, but it's just that watching you two is making me feel kinda uncomfortable...I mean, it seems like you two are the couple...It would make me feel a bit better if you would even just check in with me once in awhile...Come over to me, talk to me once in awhile, ya know?"

 

Well, she apparently took this as an "attack" by a "very jealous guy"...She got super annoyed, and said to me "The fastest way to get me to go away from you is by being jealous"....This made me feel SO EMBARASSED! She also had said in a very annoyed tone that anytime they had tried to talk to me, I got all quiet...Well, I was a bit stoned (they're all hardcore smokers, and I dont smoke too much anymore) so I was a tad quieter than normal, yeah...

 

Well anyway, it just seemed that she didn't care at all about my feelings...All she did was let it be known that if I continue to feel that way when she does stuff like that, that she'll leave....

 

A few weeks later, she decided she'd go see him again before she went back to her home state...So she put the away message on her instant messenger as "Gone to see my favorite mother*****" (knowing that i would see it), and even told me that she was gonna spend the night....All I could see was this guy and her all playfighting and perhaps it resulting in a kiss, probably that he would give her, but you know how things go...When you get physical with someone, even just playfighting, chemicals start flowing...things happen....throw alcohol and grass into the mix....I dunno...It made me nervous...

 

So when she called from the restaurant where he had taken her to dinner, and asked what was wrong, I told her....She flipped, told me I had no right to feel that way and "attack her" about what she did with him....

 

She dumped me the next day....Funny, cos she was telling me she had never been as happy as she was with me, that she loved me, that she wanted a relationship for the first time in years because of me....then this...

 

I dunno about you guys....I'm 33 and she's a very immature 24, but I really didn't think I was out of line for the way I expressed my feelings to her (I never told her not to see him, or not to playfight, or that i wanted to go home or any of that...I only told her that I was feeling uncomfortable)...

 

But I kinda think what she was doing was a bit out of line to be doing in front of a new boyfriend, or whateverthehell I was at that point...Ok maybe not "boyfriend", but involved with her enough where she maybe woulda NOT done that in front of me?

 

What do you all think?