Not reading into this, but:

[CaliGuy]

Ok, the ex sent me a merry christmas message email on 12/22. She sent me another thank you late christmas night for the gift I sent her family (not her directly). Then this morning she sent me another email asking about a silly bill that "might" have been sent to my address instead of where she changed her address to. She sent it to my home and work email.

 

I've replied to none of her messages which is not like me at all. The old me used to respond right away, siezing any opportunity to talk to her. I have no plans to reply to any of her messages. The message on 12/25 said a gift was coming (but I found out her mom bought it for me on her suggestion they both go in on it). I do plan on saying thank you to her mom but saying nothing to her. She just doesn't deserve anymore of my time.

 

Following the rules of no contact I hope I am doing the right thing here. I am probably reading into this too much but for her that's a lot of unprovoked emails in such a short time. The last time we broke up she rarely if at all sent me an email.

 

I'm open to any thoughts or suggestions at this point. She did pointedly ask me a question in the last email ("Did you receive the bill and throw it away?", the bill isn't even that important) so I am wondering should I just reply back with one word ("No") or just continue with NC as is?

 

Thanks in advance.

[omegaRED]

I`d suggest you continue with NC and don`t open a line of communication. I think she`s just testing the waters. She`s curious about the way you`re behaving. Like you said, it`s completely unlike the old you. So she wonders why, and what`s changed. It`s good

 

She`s trying to open a line of communication. More likely she`s just testing you if you`re still on the leash. Untill she makes a straightforward, direct attempt to reconcile, ignore every bait she tries to throw you.

 

Then, if she asks for a second chance with you, you can turn her down

[CaliGuy]

I`d suggest you continue with NC and don`t open a line of communication. I think she`s just testing the waters. She`s curious about the way you`re behaving. Like you said, it`s completely unlike the old you. So she wonders why, and what`s changed. It`s good

 

She`s trying to open a line of communication. More likely she`s just testing you if you`re still on the leash. Untill she makes a straightforward, direct attempt to reconcile, ignore every bait she tries to throw you.

 

Then, if she asks for a second chance with you, you can turn her down

 

I hope you're right. I mean this is unlike me at all. I've never gotten an email from her where I didn't respond right away. I didn't call her on Christmas and I've made not one attempt to contact her (not directly at least, remember the email I sent was a mass email and I didn't intend to send her anything), nothing.

 

She'll either get curious and send me more messages or accept that I am not talking to her. She hates being ignored I know that and she relishes a chase. I'd been chasing her so hard and for so long this has to have her perplexed.

[omegaRED]

Umm.... I`m kind of getting the vibe that you want a second chance. Granted, i wish my ex would contact me and show interest, but i`d never answer or consider a second chance. Well never say never, but the chances of me giving her a second chance are about a milion to one. I`d enjoy the attention and her curiosity, her interest and all, but second chance, no way. Ego boost mostly.

 

Remember the way she treated you. That is what she is like. There is no way you can change that. You don`t want to go through that again. The effects of NC can be twofold, for healing and sparking the curiosity of the ex. But, in my not-so-humble-opinnion, second chances can only work when the damage that was done is not that great. The way she treated and disrespected you, the damage done to you and her is pretty extreme. Try to question yourself rationally, would you be able to get back with her and enjoy that? We long for what was, but that cannot be had. Words were said, actions were taken, things can never be the same again. Can you forgive her? Can you trust her, completely? Can you love her, the way she is now? Not the way she was before you guys broke up, but knowing what you meant to her as a person, not as a lover?

 

It doesn`t matter why she`s doing what she`s doing. Only you have the power to control what effects her e-mails have on you, your mind and heart. I hope, for your sake, that she gives up. No point in dragging this post-breakup phase any longer than it needs to be.

[ohzee]

Remember the way she treated you. That is what she is like. There is no way you can change that. You don`t want to go through that again. The effects of NC can be twofold, for healing and sparking the curiosity of the ex. But, in my not-so-humble-opinnion, second chances can only work when the damage that was done is not that great. The way she treated and disrespected you, the damage done to you and her is pretty extreme. Try to question yourself rationally, would you be able to get back with her and enjoy that? We long for what was, but that cannot be had. Words were said, actions were taken, things can never be the same again. Can you forgive her? Can you trust her, completely? Can you love her, the way she is now? Not the way she was before you guys broke up, but knowing what you meant to her as a person, not as a lover?[/QUOTE]

 

 

 

For that matter, why would anyone ever want a second chance?

[CaliGuy]

Umm.... I`m kind of getting the vibe that you want a second chance. Granted, i wish my ex would contact me and show interest, but i`d never answer or consider a second chance. Well never say never, but the chances of me giving her a second chance are about a milion to one. I`d enjoy the attention and her curiosity, her interest and all, but second chance, no way. Ego boost mostly.

 

Remember the way she treated you. That is what she is like. There is no way you can change that. You don`t want to go through that again. The effects of NC can be twofold, for healing and sparking the curiosity of the ex. But, in my not-so-humble-opinnion, second chances can only work when the damage that was done is not that great. The way she treated and disrespected you, the damage done to you and her is pretty extreme. Try to question yourself rationally, would you be able to get back with her and enjoy that? We long for what was, but that cannot be had. Words were said, actions were taken, things can never be the same again. Can you forgive her? Can you trust her, completely? Can you love her, the way she is now? Not the way she was before you guys broke up, but knowing what you meant to her as a person, not as a lover?

 

It doesn`t matter why she`s doing what she`s doing. Only you have the power to control what effects her e-mails have on you, your mind and heart. I hope, for your sake, that she gives up. No point in dragging this post-breakup phase any longer than it needs to be.

 

I understand what you're saying and to a point I agree. However, the essense of true love is accepting people for who they are, faults and all. No, she is hardly perfect. But I do love who she is, she just isn't in love with me. She wasn't purposely mean to me. In fact, she is quite caring and loving.

 

The only situation where I would take her back is if she said "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I really want to try and work things out." If she never says those words I will continue NC. If she does come around, and it will be some time from now if ever, then and only then will I address her and it will be on MY terms, not hers.

 

Yes, there is a faint glimmer of hope, but not enough to keep me hanging on anymore. I go forward now assuming we'll never get back together.

[omegaRED]

Ohzee, i respect everyone`s point of view.

 

I, PERSONALLY, don`t believe in second chances IN GENERAL. Of course, it depends on the circumstances of the break up, the words said, the actions of the people involved, their level of maturity in the post-break up stage etc. Second chances can work if the break up was due to some, let`s call them, "external" reasons: distance, stress, time, family issues, etc.

 

I really loved my ex. I truly believed she was the one. But now, it would never work. Why? Because we were together for 2 years, seeing eachother almost every day, sharing some good and some tragic stuff together, and she knows me like no other person on this earth, family and friends included. All my traits, good and bad, dreams, hopes, darkest fears. And yet she weighed all the stuff, the good and the bad, and decided i wasn`t the one for her. There`s my hurt pride and ego, but also the respect for her decision. She doesn`t love me. Ok, time to move on. I still miss her and long for her, but she doesn`t.

 

I cannot make her love me. She either does or doesn`t. In this case, she doesn`t. I can make her curious, intrigued etc, but i cannot make her love me. And if she left me, then she doesn`t love me. We were together long enough for her to see if i was the one for her. I wasn`t. If i wasn`t the one for her, then she`s not the one for me. It`s simple as that.

 

And of course there was lying and stringing along at the end, and her not giving me a clean break, but rather waiting for me to "back off" and "get the message" even though she never gave me a direct answer nor a definite, clean break up. So that she doesn`t have to have an unpleasant talk with me, but rather enjoy herself and spend some quality time with her new bf.

 

So why would i want to give it another go with her?

 

Everyone will do what "feels right" to them. Some will get the chance, and will give it another go, or two, or ten. Some will get the chance and they`ll turn it down. Most wont get a chance.

 

It`s up to CaliGuy to decide if he wants another go. I just wanted to remind him to what she did to him and how she treated him. To be rational, and not emotional. It`s his decision in the end. But from what i`ve read and understood, the way she treated him after they broke up shows her respect (or lack thereof) for him as a person. It`s not so hard to treat your partner nicely and with respect when you love them and are infatuated with them. But people who care about another person who, they know, still loves them, don`t do the stuff she did.

 

Ok, this is long enough and i`m getting really sleepy. In the end, it`s your decision CaliGuy. I understand what love is, believe me, but try to discern whether you just want it to work, or whether it actually can and will work, even if she asks for a second chance.

 

Anyways, good luck.

[Extra Truth]

I understand what you're saying and to a point I agree. However, the essense of true love is accepting people for who they are, faults and all. No, she is hardly perfect. But I do love who she is, she just isn't in love with me. She wasn't purposely mean to me. In fact, she is quite caring and loving.

 

The only situation where I would take her back is if she said "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I really want to try and work things out." If she never says those words I will continue NC. If she does come around, and it will be some time from now if ever, then and only then will I address her and it will be on MY terms, not hers.

 

Yes, there is a faint glimmer of hope, but not enough to keep me hanging on anymore. I go forward now assuming we'll never get back together.

 

Hey CaliGuy

 

Just out of curiousity, besides the apology...what are your terms that you're so devout in defending. If you love her so much, why play games. You seem mostly on target in most of your stuff, and you seem to appreciate teh rare gift of true love.

 

I swear, I think sometimes this board is populated only by bitter, disgruntled exlovers. To the questions: why would you want a second chance--here's the answer: you've realized that someone was absolutely wonderful, and you were lucky as hell to have them love you, and you blew it, have learned your lesson, have changed into a man and a lover, and want to show that love back to the person who made you appreciate it. If you know this to be true, then you feel a deep existential regret over the loss that borders on living hell since love is really the only thing that matters in life.

 

Those are my 2 cents.

[CaliGuy]

Hey CaliGuy

 

Just out of curiousity, besides the apology...what are your terms that you're so devout in defending. If you love her so much, why play games. You seem mostly on target in most of your stuff, and you seem to appreciate teh rare gift of true love.

 

Not games at all. I have to be able to move on regardless. I was too clingy with her, I blew it. Yes I love her and I know she loves me but the way I acted turned her off. I first have to change for myself because if I don't it will effect whatever relationship I am in if I really love someone.

 

I swear, I think sometimes this board is populated only by bitter, disgruntled exlovers. To the questions: why would you want a second chance--here's the answer: you've realized that someone was absolutely wonderful, and you were lucky as hell to have them love you, and you blew it, have learned your lesson, have changed into a man and a lover, and want to show that love back to the person who made you appreciate it. If you know this to be true, then you feel a deep existential regret over the loss that borders on living hell since love is really the only thing that matters in life.

 

Those are my 2 cents.

 

I'm not bitter and I have learned a lot. If she comes back it's meant to be if not I am sure I will find someone else. I am not sitting around moping or waiting for her return. As I said, my plan is to assume she isn't coming back and if she does, it's on my terms. She has to miss me and that won't happen until I have truly let go, which for a large part I have. There is just a small part still hanging on and that is what I am fighting to get rid of. Once I do that I'm free to love another and if she comes back, then I will have learned a lot and she will have grown immensely.

 

Time will tell but either way I'll be perfectly fine with or without her.

[Extra Truth]

...she weighed all the stuff, the good and the bad, and decided i wasn`t the one for her. There`s my hurt pride and ego, but also the respect for her decision.

 

I cannot make her love me. She either does or doesn`t. In this case, she doesn`t. I can make her curious, intrigued etc, but i cannot make her love me. And if she left me, then she doesn`t love me. We were together long enough for her to see if i was the one for her. I wasn`t. If i wasn`t the one for her, then she`s not the one for me. It`s simple as that.

 

Hey Omega and CaliGuy, what do you think about a situation where you never allowed the person to really see you, even after 3.5 years--they saw all the flaws, but without my truly opening up, I was really covering not being real. It's really hard to argue against the 3.5 years fact. She always said I could be vulnerable, and I didn't trust her.

 

Now I've made my mistakes post breakup by not giving space. She respected me once, but after I stopped respecting her stance that it was over, she has become infuriated with me. Now we're in NC, and I am preparing myself for a long vacation, a lot of personal improvement, and the chance someday. I'm an artist, and I think the only I can communicate to her what I've learned and my vision for the future is through a play.

 

I am a newbie to message boards in general, so I don't know if this counts as thread hi*ja*king. Is it acceptable to post an individual thread about my situation? J Dub has asked for details, but it is rather long. I see people share their specific cases--is this acceptable. Thanks!

 

J in LA

[Extra Truth]

Hey CaliGuy

 

Sorry, didn't mean to imply you're bitter, I just get upset when some people advocate total loss--I am a big romantic obviously, and I have lost big.

 

I was clingy too right after the break up--I was too negligent in our relationship so she has that history to reflect on, too clingy right after, and now I hear through the grapevine she thinks we were fundamentally incompatible--I mostly made us that way by being critical and not listening.

 

At least you two still love each other. She doesn't love me, she says. Through friends, who may be editorializing since it didn't come from her mouth directly, I have heard she doesn't even want to be friends. These same people are saying this should be treated as death. I am in contact with her brother.

 

I think you wrote about the long vacation alternative where you work on yourself and rock her world later. Was that you? I feel a bit l ike a fool even thinking of that path but I have so much self-work to do, and I know she's worth it. It will be hard to accept her dating, and the low odds, but I am hoping to reach her through my art which she always respected--she just wanted me to step up to the plate as an honest man and lover. Brother, I am devastated. Any thoughts you can offer?

 

Time will tell but either way I'll be perfectly fine with or without her.

[ashley83]

-love is really the only thing that matters in life.

 

Tru dat!

[pippen_2k]

ummmmm Nah.. I need more than just love

[Nikita20]

I think that you should respond. Just keep it short and simple.

 

However, I have a question. Why did you send her family a Christmas gift? My hunch is that you wanted the ex to react to that gesture in one way or another. Think about it and think about NC. I believe it includes not contacting her family members as well. In this case, you ended up sending them a gift. Please don't take this in the wrong way. I don't mean to sound harsh. You sound like a very giving and loving individual. And, it was a very kind gesture what you did. However, did you truly believe that the ex wouldn't react to this?

[ohzee]

Ohzee, i respect everyone`s point of view.

 

I, PERSONALLY, don`t believe in second chances IN GENERAL. Of course, it depends on the circumstances of the break up, the words said, the actions of the people involved, their level of maturity in the post-break up stage etc. Second chances can work if the break up was due to some, let`s call them, "external" reasons: distance, stress, time, family issues, etc.

 

I really loved my ex. I truly believed she was the one. But now, it would never work. Why? Because we were together for 2 years, seeing eachother almost every day, sharing some good and some tragic stuff together, and she knows me like no other person on this earth, family and friends included. All my traits, good and bad, dreams, hopes, darkest fears. And yet she weighed all the stuff, the good and the bad, and decided i wasn`t the one for her. There`s my hurt pride and ego, but also the respect for her decision. She doesn`t love me. Ok, time to move on. I still miss her and long for her, but she doesn`t.

 

I cannot make her love me. She either does or doesn`t. In this case, she doesn`t. I can make her curious, intrigued etc, but i cannot make her love me. And if she left me, then she doesn`t love me. We were together long enough for her to see if i was the one for her. I wasn`t. If i wasn`t the one for her, then she`s not the one for me. It`s simple as that.

 

And of course there was lying and stringing along at the end, and her not giving me a clean break, but rather waiting for me to "back off" and "get the message" even though she never gave me a direct answer nor a definite, clean break up. So that she doesn`t have to have an unpleasant talk with me, but rather enjoy herself and spend some quality time with her new bf.

 

So why would i want to give it another go with her?

 

Everyone will do what "feels right" to them. Some will get the chance, and will give it another go, or two, or ten. Some will get the chance and they`ll turn it down. Most wont get a chance.

 

It`s up to CaliGuy to decide if he wants another go. I just wanted to remind him to what she did to him and how she treated him. To be rational, and not emotional. It`s his decision in the end. But from what i`ve read and understood, the way she treated him after they broke up shows her respect (or lack thereof) for him as a person. It`s not so hard to treat your partner nicely and with respect when you love them and are infatuated with them. But people who care about another person who, they know, still loves them, don`t do the stuff she did.

 

Ok, this is long enough and i`m getting really sleepy. In the end, it`s your decision CaliGuy. I understand what love is, believe me, but try to discern whether you just want it to work, or whether it actually can and will work, even if she asks for a second chance.

 

Anyways, good luck.

 

OmegaRED,

Thank you for your explanation, I too respect others opinions. I am aware of the troubles CaliGuy has described in previous posts, and I admire his strength and commitment, (not to leave out all the great advise he has given so many of us on this board). After reading your posts as well I am in somewhat similar circumstances to both of you. However In this particular thread I find myself flip flopping from CaliGuys direction, to your second reply, second paragraph. What I mean is CaliGUY is considering giving his S/O a second chance on his terms only. Even after all the crap he went thru. I feel the same way as he does. I too would do the same. Then I read your second reply and asked myself those very questions you implied on the second paragraph and the answer I gave myself was, why would I go back to someone that would do all of those nasty things to me? I believe anyone that truthfully answers those questions would not consider giving a second chance. Myself I would fallow CaliGuy, if I fallowed my emotions. If I used logic I agree with you in not giving her a second chance. I am so uncertain of what direction to take if I ever got the opportunity of another try. Thanks for your time.

[omegaRED]

I myself am very logical AND very emotional. Both to the extreme, obviously not at the same time I`m detached from the situation CaliGuy is in so i can give some objective thougths, but they are, nonetheless, only my personal thoughts, and as such, subjective.

 

The point is that CaliGuy is currently getting his hopes up and sees a glimmer of hope. Because she sent him 3 e-mails. It`s not my intention to slam on him for reacting the way he did (considering a second chance, from what i`ve gathered he wasn`t even thinking about giving her a second chance before the e-mails), i only want to remind him of the way she treated him, i don`t know all the specifics, but he knows them all too well. Call it a slap in the face if you will.

 

In a situation like CaliGuy`s, our emotions can quickly overcloud our judgement. We can, again, begin to grasp at straws and read too much into it, and start predicting the future and our reactions to the possible outcome. All of this because she sent him 3 ordinary e-mails.

 

When we do get a call, e-mail or a text, there`s a flood of emotions. We finally get what we wanted and longed for. Yet, in those hours/days/weeks, we think solely on getting what we want, nobody can think rationally and see if this is gonna work. And say you get a second chance, you take it, and down the line, 2-3 months into it, the excitement and "gratitude" for the second chance is gone, and your emotions about the way your ex behaved and treated you reemerge. Are you going to be strong enough and forgiving enough to let it go, forgive and forget, and at the same time, naieve enough to think that what your ex did was just a stupid mistake and they`ll never do it again? Judge the people by how they act in hardship, not when all is rosy.

 

Bottom line, just think about the break up and the way your ex acted. That is how your ex reacted when it was the hardest for you. When you lost your love, when your world was falling apart, when all that was left of your dreams were broken shards. This is how big a person your ex is. This shows how much she cared and respected you as a person. Each one has his own story, maybe your ex treated you with respect and honesty, maybe she was a class A b!tch, maybe something in between. All i`m saying is, you`ll see what kind of person your ex is by the way she acted towards you when her romantic feelings for you were gone.

 

Anyways, these are my thoughts on the subject of second chances....

[CaliGuy]

I think that you should respond. Just keep it short and simple.

 

However, I have a question. Why did you send her family a Christmas gift? My hunch is that you wanted the ex to react to that gesture in one way or another. Think about it and think about NC. I believe it includes not contacting her family members as well. In this case, you ended up sending them a gift. Please don't take this in the wrong way. I don't mean to sound harsh. You sound like a very giving and loving individual. And, it was a very kind gesture what you did. However, did you truly believe that the ex wouldn't react to this?

 

I guess you have to understand the situation. Her family was very supportive to me when my mom died last month. They even sent flowers to her funeral. To exclude them, to not thank them I think would be less than civilized. The package was address to her family, not her. Her family loves me and we have a good relationship but after Christmas I don't plan on initiating contact with them.

 

And I have no desire to respond to the ex.

[CaliGuy]

OmegaRED,

Thank you for your explanation, I too respect others opinions. I am aware of the troubles CaliGuy has described in previous posts, and I admire his strength and commitment, (not to leave out all the great advise he has given so many of us on this board). After reading your posts as well I am in somewhat similar circumstances to both of you. However In this particular thread I find myself flip flopping from CaliGuys direction, to your second reply, second paragraph. What I mean is CaliGUY is considering giving his S/O a second chance on his terms only. Even after all the crap he went thru. I feel the same way as he does. I too would do the same. Then I read your second reply and asked myself those very questions you implied on the second paragraph and the answer I gave myself was, why would I go back to someone that would do all of those nasty things to me? I believe anyone that truthfully answers those questions would not consider giving a second chance. Myself I would fallow CaliGuy, if I fallowed my emotions. If I used logic I agree with you in not giving her a second chance. I am so uncertain of what direction to take if I ever got the opportunity of another try. Thanks for your time.

 

Let me clarify. She started treating me badly when she started to pull away and I clung to her. Instead of giving her the space she needed, I created resentment by hanging on. We're both to blame, I am not blameless in what happened.

 

However, having learned my lesson, the ONLY situation I would consider taking her back is if her feelings truly changed. If so, then I know it would work out. If not, then there is no sense talking to her at all. I am not going to settle for being friends.

 

I'm not holding out hope she is coming back, I am living my life assuming she isn't. It's just that if her heart did change then I would have the choice of taking her back or not and it would be on my terms.

 

Win/Win for me. I'm free to date and I plan to and if she never comes back I'll be just fine without her.

[CaliGuy]

The point is that CaliGuy is currently getting his hopes up and sees a glimmer of hope. Because she sent him 3 e-mails. It`s not my intention to slam on him for reacting the way he did (considering a second chance, from what i`ve gathered he wasn`t even thinking about giving her a second chance before the e-mails), i only want to remind him of the way she treated him, i don`t know all the specifics, but he knows them all too well. Call it a slap in the face if you will.

 

I wouldn't say I am holding out hope at all. The three emails are what they are. I'm not hearing anything that leads me to believe she is changing her heart. I see myself being strong and not replying to her, not craving every little bit of her attention like I used to. It's a good sign for me, but in no way am I reading too much into this or clinging to any hope.

 

In a situation like CaliGuy`s, our emotions can quickly overcloud our judgement. We can, again, begin to grasp at straws and read too much into it, and start predicting the future and our reactions to the possible outcome. All of this because she sent him 3 ordinary e-mails.

 

Again, if my judgement was clouded I'd be responding to her emails. I haven't and have no plans to. What I said was the only email I will react to is if she said she was sorry, she loved me and wanted to try again. Anything else and I'll ignore it. I'm ok without her and I know that.

 

When we do get a call, e-mail or a text, there`s a flood of emotions. We finally get what we wanted and longed for.

 

I haven't. They are just generic emails. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Yet, in those hours/days/weeks, we think solely on getting what we want, nobody can think rationally and see if this is gonna work. And say you get a second chance, you take it, and down the line, 2-3 months into it, the excitement and "gratitude" for the second chance is gone, and your emotions about the way your ex behaved and treated you reemerge. Are you going to be strong enough and forgiving enough to let it go, forgive and forget, and at the same time, naieve enough to think that what your ex did was just a stupid mistake and they`ll never do it again? Judge the people by how they act in hardship, not when all is rosy.

 

When she was into me the relationship was perfect. We accepted each other for our faults and were both kind, considerate and loving. When she started to fall out of love she started to behave differently. I didn't handle it correctly and neither did she. We both made mistakes. We're human and fallable. That said, if she were to come around, truly come around, that is the only instance I could see a second chance working. We both have to change. I have for the positive and if she does then yes, I believe it could work. Otherwise, no and I am not holding out hope.

 

Bottom line, just think about the break up and the way your ex acted. That is how your ex reacted when it was the hardest for you. When you lost your love, when your world was falling apart, when all that was left of your dreams were broken shards. This is how big a person your ex is. This shows how much she cared and respected you as a person. Each one has his own story, maybe your ex treated you with respect and honesty, maybe she was a class A b!tch, maybe something in between. All i`m saying is, you`ll see what kind of person your ex is by the way she acted towards you when her romantic feelings for you were gone.

 

She was never a bitch to me. Living with me while broken up made things difficult for the both of us and that's why booting her out had to be done. Never say never in the game of love and I won't be bitter because of it. Not saying you are, but there are people here with skewed views of the world and not every situation is the same.

 

Anyways, these are my thoughts on the subject of second chances....

 

Like I said, if she truly changed, realized she does love me and wanted to work things out it would be on my terms, not hers. I wouldn't be clingy anymore, I know that. I've changed for the better now she has to. If she doesn't then so be it. I'm not losing any sleep over getting a second chance with her and I'm not waiting around for her either. Life goes on and I'm happy with her in my life or without her.

 

Cheers and happy new year

[omegaRED]

I wouldn't say I am holding out hope at all. The three emails are what they are. I'm not hearing anything that leads me to believe she is changing her heart. I see myself being strong and not replying to her, not craving every little bit of her attention like I used to. It's a good sign for me, but in no way am I reading too much into this or clinging to any hope.

 

Sorry, guess i misjudged your situation and thought you never wanted a second chance at all. My bad

 

Again, if my judgement was clouded I'd be responding to her emails. I haven't and have no plans to. What I said was the only email I will react to is if she said she was sorry, she loved me and wanted to try again. Anything else and I'll ignore it. I'm ok without her and I know that.

 

Again, i thought you weren`t considering a second chance at all before, and had a change of heart and were now considering a second chance.

 

She was never a bitch to me. Living with me while broken up made things difficult for the both of us and that's why booting her out had to be done. Never say never in the game of love and I won't be bitter because of it. Not saying you are, but there are people here with skewed views of the world and not every situation is the same.

 

That`s what i said. You have to take a look at your relationship and the way it ended. I got the impression she disrespected you and your boundaries (which is your fault too, but hey...). That`s why i shared MY story, i don`t want to tell you that my way is the right way. You know your situation, you know how she treated you, you make the decision. I just wanted to remind you to think about YOUR relationship and YOUR break up. Then you make your decision. Everyone`s story is different.

 

Like I said, if she truly changed, realized she does love me and wanted to work things out it would be on my terms, not hers. I wouldn't be clingy anymore, I know that. I've changed for the better now she has to. If she doesn't then so be it. I'm not losing any sleep over getting a second chance with her and I'm not waiting around for her either. Life goes on and I'm happy with her in my life or without her.

 

I hope things work out for you man. That you get what you deserve in life. Whether it`s your ex, or a new girl.

 

Happy new year

[CaliGuy]

Sorry, guess i misjudged your situation and thought you never wanted a second chance at all. My bad

 

No worries. I would truly relish a second chance under the terms and conditions I mentioned before. Her feelings must truly change, she must realize she loves me and most of all, be willing to work things out for real. If not, there's no sense in a second chance.

 

Again, i thought you weren`t considering a second chance at all before, and had a change of heart and were now considering a second chance.

 

She hasn't indicated that and any attempts to contact me without saying the words I want to hear will be met with utter silence, as it has been since she left.

 

 

That`s what i said. You have to take a look at your relationship and the way it ended. I got the impression she disrespected you and your boundaries (which is your fault too, but hey...). That`s why i shared MY story, i don`t want to tell you that my way is the right way. You know your situation, you know how she treated you, you make the decision. I just wanted to remind you to think about YOUR relationship and YOUR break up. Then you make your decision. Everyone`s story is different.

 

True, I let her cross my boundaries until the final day. That's when I said enough is enough and booted her from the house. She's happy now with a new job, a new bf and is looking for her first apartment. It will take some time for her to come around, if ever. I'm not waiting around for it

 

 

I hope things work out for you man. That you get what you deserve in life. Whether it`s your ex, or a new girl.

 

Happy new year

 

Thanks and same to you as well!