Can someone tell me

[Princess]

how come the smallest word can lead to a fight?

[Miss Mojo (aka Britney-belly-button-itchny)]

hi princess,

 

it all depends on:

 

a) what that small word is

 

name-calling can really offend and hurt a person. so can indifference.

 

b) if it was said with malice or intent or as a joke....the tone used.

 

if this small word was intended to hurt someones feelings, or if someone thinks this small word is true, of course it will hurt, and naturally they will bite back. some people can be very cruel with one small word.

 

some people have trouble telling when a person is joking (and some people have trouble having their joke come out sounding like a joke)....and along comes an argument.

 

i remember one time when i was talking to my ex on the phone. i'd not long woken up, and he said he would be around at my place at a particular time and i said "whatever"....meaning "that's fine". i didn't realise it at the time, but i'd used a tone that he perceived as "yeah, bulls***". we ended up in an argument over it, and he didn't come over that day because it was all blown out of proportion.

 

c) who's mouth it came from

 

if it's said by someone you love, it hurts all the more because of the closeness you share with that person. no one likes to fight with someone they love.

 

if it was said by someone who is close to you and it is not true, it is easy to feel betrayed by that person.

 

d) if that small word that was spoken is the truth

 

the truth hurts...we all understand that concept.

 

e) how sensitive the person is who this word was directed at, the status of a relationship.

 

some people get upset or angry at the tiniest thing. some people can't tell when another is joking, and some people are just super-sensitive and take things to heart.

 

f) some people just aren't happy unless they're in an argument.

 

crazy, but true. i actually know a couple of people like this. it gets to be a real pain the butt walking around biting your tongue constantly.

 

although the odd argument here and there can be healthy, there must be good communication between people to avoid unneccessary pain....and if someone is deliberately causing uneccessary pain with their words, tell them to bugger off.

 

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "how come the smallest word can lead to a fight?"

 

Usually, things have built up totally unrelated to the subject matter of the fight. It just took a few words to set things off.

 

If a relationship is a healthy one and good conflict resolution skills are in place, this shouldn't happen. Couples with class almost never blow up over a word.

 

I will tell you one thing, though, a few well chosen words spoken harshly during an argument can serve to destroy it for all times. That's why arguments are very dangerous.

 

It's much better to separate, cool off, and come back to rationally discuss and resolve disagreements.

 

Then again, there are some couples that thrive on fighting. They wouldn't feel alive unless they were going at each other. I've seen this and it's sick. I refuse to be around those kinds of people.

 

If you're with someone who can flip out over a word or two, you are with an irrational, insane individual with a salad of psychological issues that needs emergency professional intervention.