I told him I was falling in love with him and he said.....

[Delectable]

Background:

We have been dating for five months and he is a wonderful guy. Very loving, honest and attentive. Last night we had a minor arguement and the topic of feelings came up. I'm traveling for the holidays and we were arguing via IM...yes I know I should never revealed my feelings to him in an arguement but I did:

 

ME: (Cut and paste from our IM) I'm falling in love with you, and I just don't feel safe...I feel alone in my feelings

 

HIM: (Cut and paste from our IM)

• its been a long time since I've been in a serious relationship and yes I'm alittle scared cause I don't want to be hurt like I was last time
  your special to me
  you matter to me
  I care about you
  I try to explaie myself to you so you get to know me
  I can try to reassure you that your the only one for me
  that I want to be with you
  your feelings do matter to me and I won't forget it
  I think we r a good thing
  I'm worried about u
  I don't want to lose u
  your already in my heart
  I've always rushed in to relationships
  I'm trying to do it right this time
  you are special
  

 

I actually believe him, because I feel these things from him. But it hurts so much when you tell someone you're falling in love with them and they don't say it back.

 

Part of me feels like I should wait until we are together and tell him that I would prefer no response but I am in love with him and he doesn't need to say anything but I want him to know...and the other part of me wants to do whatever I can to reign in my feelings to protect myself from a one sided love. Am I being ridiculous...? This hurts so much....

 

I fly back in town tomorrow...and I'm scared to see him...how bad of a situation is this? Am I freaking out over nothing...I am two years out of a 7 year relationship and I'm so scared of wasting time again...

[johan]

If you're truly delectable, then I'd say you don't have much to worry about.

 

Logically, no two people are going to get to "love you" at the same time. Someone always gets there first. And I think his words to you seem sincere. And they seem to indicate that he's into you and wanting things to progress.

 

I think I'd take him at his word and don't pressure him for it. His actions might indicate that he feels things his words don't admit. Hopefully in a good way.

 

Good luck.

[basscatcher]

Dont worry. He will come around. Don't be afraid to express your feelings but be careful how much you put on him.

 

I have expressed to Mr. L how I feel about him (we are going on 3 months together almost every day) and he has told me twice that he is where I am at with his feelings for me but he wont say how he feels directly to me. He just says he feels the same as I do.

 

I am patient and I don't let his lack of ability to open himself up and be vulnerable stop me from expressing how I feel about him.. I know in time he will open up and speak..

 

Your man like mine has been hurt and is protecting himself. They seem to think by expressing themselves makes them more vulnerable.. "which we know" if they already have the feelings for us then they are already vulnerable. I think its just insecurity of being rejected if they should open their mouths and say "I am falling in love with you' or "I love you" etc etc.

 

Be assured and reassure yourself he DOES feel what you are feeling.. He is just afraid to hear himself say it outloud.

 

Be patient. With some men ACTIONS speak LOUDER then any words could.. ACTIONS are more PROOF of ones FEELINGS then just WORDS. In america there are many empty words spoken so one can get what they want. But when it comes to actions. they cant be taken back and they are always tangible.

[Citizen Erased]

From what I can gather your man has here a severe case of 'emotions'. Unlike us more developed side of the species, most men can only handle their emotions at first by holding them close to their chests and then gradually letting you actually see what they are feeling. Not all are like that, and of course some women are like that too but most are able to express their feelings without barriers, unless of course they have been hurt, which it appears he has been.

 

Remember, most men take a while to actually trust you enough to know that you won't laugh in their face when they say I love you.

 

From what he has said to you, it does appear that he does love you, he has pretty much said everything but it. If you are patient it is inevitable that he will reply as long as you don't push him to do so.

[JayKay]

It sounds like he really cares about you Delectable. Be patient and give him time to come 'round.

 

My BF was the first one to 'fall in love' and I wasn't ready to say it when he was.

 

I knew it hurt him for me to not say it back. But I wanted everything to be real. I didn't want to force anything or 'just say it to say it'.

I knew he was special and I cared deeply, very deeply for him. But I wanted to wait for the right moment.

In my case, I too had been pretty burnt by a relationship gone sour. And some of the guys I dated had been such flakes! I wanted to wait until I felt safe and secure in the relationship and had known him for a while.

 

So let things progress naturally. It sounds like he's rushed into relationships in the past and they haven't worked out. It seems like he just wants to keep things good between you two.

 

Let time work its magic

[Mz. Pixie]

He sounds very scared. I do think he cares about you and is perhaps falling in love with you, but he doesn't want to put himself out there just yet.

 

My husband? Gosh, he made me tell him first that I loved him. He said, "Do you love me?" He's been hurt and was scared to put himself out there and be rejected.

 

Be patient. Quit venting to him about this- vent to a girlfriend or perhaps here. Be upbeat. When you see him, don't mention it unless he does. Be happy for what you guys have now, and work towards making your future positive.