I am confused need your advice

[Mindblow397]

Hi everyone I’m kind of confused it’s nothing serious but I want your guys opinion here.

Few hours ago I met a girl on a dating app I will write the exact same conversation what we discussed and I’m not sure why she thought like that. 
 

Me: Hey xyz (I won’t write her name here so I will write xyz)

Me: How are you 

Xyz: Hi

 I am good 

How are you

Me : I’m great dear just done with my iftar how about you what about you

Xyz:  Great!!!

 Same here

Just had dinner

Me That sounds amazing dear so tell me about your self , your life hobbies etc

Xyz Sure

 I am living in Melbourne from last 8 years I work on healthcare services management

I love cooking swimming reading books outings

How about you

Me: That’s nice 🙂 yes I saw your on profile what actually you do in the health care industry 

I work for a company and I’m also studying my masters degree in cyber security I live in Sydney besides that I do a lot of side hustle

My hobbies are mostly astrophotography and aerial imaging, I use to dj but due to life commitments I hardly get time

 What type of books you read fiction or non fiction And what’s your horoscope

Xyz Great!!! 

Well i work in as healthcare services manager…

 Both

Sagittariu
 

Me: That’s nice

What’s your routine

 How do you start your day

Xyz Currently I am on bed rest, I had an horrible accident 3 weeks ago and got 2 surgeries done so just on rest and not working

Usually I work 8:30am to 4:30pm

Me: I’m so sorry to hear that dear I really hope you feel better soon

 How it happened 

Xyz : Long story it was mishap at park and my whole face got fractured

Xyz: Hows your Ramzaan going on

 Are you fasting

Me:  Oh my dear you will be alright soon just try rest as much as 

Xyz:  I know i iwll be alright

Me:  Yes I’m fasting just finished my Sahri few moments ago how about you dear

Xyz:  But you looks like a emotionless person by the way of your talking and

Not interested in communicating with you

 I hate men like you

Materialistic

Me: What

Xyz: Very insensitive person

This was the whole conversation than she unmatched me I’m not sure what did I done wrong here 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gaeta]

You do know that dating apps are full of weirdos and she won't be the last you come across.

I suggest you drop the 'dear'.

You said nothing wrong

[Sony12]

Yeah nothing really to get too worked up about. People communicate with all kinds of interest levels. It is normal to stop talking after a few messages.

With that said your communication style does seem slightly creepy. You do probably need to stop calling them 'dear'. 

Just talk normally with them. Flirting is fine but it's better to do it in a way that would put a smile on their face than calling them 'dear' would.

Edited March 24, 2024 by Sony12

[Sony12]

Make a conversation feel as natural as possible. Don't make it seem like you are reading what to say from an online dating instruction manual.

Edited March 24, 2024 by Sony12

[Wiseman2]

Rather than all this pointless chitchat and condescending "dear' stuff, try to establish if someone wants to meet. It seems like she lost interest in the conversation and viewed you as a timewaster. 

Edited March 24, 2024 by Wiseman2

[Sony12]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Rather than all this pointless chitchat and condescending "dear' stuff, try to establish if someone what's to meet. It seems like she lost interest in the conversation and viewed you as a timewaster. 

A lot of times asking people to meet within the first couple messages can be just as much of a turnoff. Best to build a little bit of a repore with them first and then see if they are willing to exchange numbers. And if the phone conversation goes well then it's good to ask for a meet.

[basil67]

That was painful to read, with neither of you having any interest in what the other was saying.  Complete lack of conversational skills.
When you ask a question and they answer, you should then ask a follow up question on something which you want to hear more about.  And yes, this advice is for both of you.  
And definitely stop using the word Dear.  It’s patronising 

[Alpacalia]

I felt like I was reading a manuscript with you referencing the leading lady as a 75 year old grandma (i.e. "dear").

You don't have to be William Shakespeare with your choice of words but this was rather robotic and a bit patriarchal and it rubbed her the wrong way.

[Wiseman2]

She tells you her face got smashed in and you start talking about Ramadan? Yeah kind of obtuse and insensitive. 

[smackie9]

I think her telling you about her smashed face was your cue to cut the conversation short/ not interested.

[d0nnivain]

I agree that you overused the word "dear."  Stop that.  Wait until you meet somebody before you use terms of affection. 

All in all, her response was crass & uncalled for.  She sounds unstable.  I don't see anything materialistic about anything you said. 

[Mindblow397]

Thank you guys for sharing your thoughts. Actually I didn’t write dear in terms of flirting,

 

I write it in my daily life to all my friends and colleagues male and female  but I never faced any kind of wrong impression. But anyway I’ll keep this in mind and some one said she told me about her accident which I responded and than when she asked about Ramadan I replied her about it. Anyway:) thank you guys 

[Mindblow397]

14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Rather than all this pointless chitchat and condescending "dear' stuff, try to establish if someone wants to meet. It seems like she lost interest in the conversation and viewed you as a timewaster. 

It looks desperate to ask them to meet on initial stage as I only started conversation and it ended 

[basil67]

The only time you'd get away with "dear" is if you're a very old lady who's talking to a young woman

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, is English your first language?

I ask because in the local tongue where I live, calling someone "dear" in general conversation is not at all unusual. It sounds strage when translated into English, but in the local language it's not.

There might simply be something lost in translation here if our OP isn't a mother-tongue speaker. 

Edited March 25, 2024 by ExpatInItaly

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Mindblow397 said:

It looks desperate to ask them to meet on initial stage as I only started conversation and it ended 

It's not desperate but I personally would not meet up with a man within 2 minutes of starting conversing. 

Need a bit of rapport before jumping into a meeting.

[Lotsgoingon]

Too many interview questions. Way too much.  You sound like a bot. 

You say "amazing" after she tells you she just had dinner. Amazing? Really. 

She tells you of a painful accident and you quickly change to "you'll feel better." That's nonsense. It's NOT helpful to tell someone you don't know and whose condition you don't know or understand, that they will feel better. In real life, people suffer real injuries that do not easily heal. You want to say something, "so sorry. That must be so hard to not be mobile." Something like that. A mother tells a child who scraped their knee that they will feel better (and that's true).  Adults don't tell stranger adults they will feel better after the stranger says they've undergone two surgeries and cannot work.  Doing so actually makes them feel worse. 

Go out and meet the person. This conversation (even if she hadn't cut it) is a waste of time. 

OP, I'm imagining you're shy. Show this conversation to a woman (a sister or aunt) that you know. And ask them to comment on it. 

 

Edited March 25, 2024 by Lotsgoingon

[Andy_K]

Too many disconnected questions makes you sound like a robot or an interviewer. You ask ONE leading question, then follow up questions. You don't just jump to different topics without paying any real regard to her answers. Especially regarding what sounds like an extremely serious accident.

[FredEire]

As others have said the whole thing is just a bit weird. Too many interview style questions not enough personality. On her end telling you straight away about a serious accident and then suddenly losing the plot with you is seriously odd.