sam999_000 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 I've just ended a 5YR relationship with my GF, we've been having problems off and on, and whilst the love and care for eachother was passionate, our disagreements were equally feisty and often result in us hurting eachother immensely. After our most recent disagreement, I decided this is just getting toxic and unhealthy for both of us and called it off. As I didnt want to end things on a bad note, I had a chat with her to say how much I appreciated everything we shared and while our good times were amazing the negatives were devastating. During this hour long conversation where we were both being kind to eachother, she brought up something. She said her friend told her that they spotted me making out with some girl in a bar. Shocked to hear this I asked her for details, like who said this and she will not divulge that information at any cost. Apparently I even said hi to her friend that night. I've explained in every way possible how knowing something like this is unsettling and that I would like to have some clarity over this. I don't get it, how you can throw information like this on someone and then not reveal any details. I rarely go to the bar in question and again why on earth would I say hi to her friend and then make out with someone. None of this makes any sense to me! I guess I'm just answering my own question as I'm writing this. This isn't going to change the outcome of my relationship but definitely has me wondering why she would be so cagey and protective about the anonymity of her friend as opposed to allowing me a chance to find out the truth and explain my side. Being emotionally unstable right now, I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable and would like an unbiased 3rd party perspective on this. So what would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Sorry this is happening. What were the problems and arguments about? Did you live together? Do you recall this incident in the bar? Do you think she's making the story up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sam999_000 Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 Thank you Wiseman 🙏 Yes we do live together, the arguments were not based around any specific ongoing issues, just random things that couples would disagree on but in our situation gets escalated more than it needs to. No recollection of this bar incident at all and if I ever did something like that I would fess up straightaway cos the guilt would make me sick to my stomach and I'm not good at hiding my feelings and it would certainly show something is wrong. I don't think she is making up this story as I trust her enough, but I do believe her friend or whoever else it is supplying this intention is not done so with the best intentions.. Which is what is upsetting me I guess, as if it is a true friend, they should have called me out when they saw this happen. Why wait on this info and supply it to her now??? And more baffling is why on earth is my GF not revealing the entire story to me and protecting this person's anonymity. Makes me feel like crap that she's more concerned about protecting their privacy than addressing this issue openly with all facts on the table. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 In 2009 my then-wife and I got divorced. In 2023 we were talking about those times and she told me, “maybe it all started when you were making out with that girl on that one particular day”. Knowing that I was definitely not making out with anyone on that one particular day, I was shocked why she’d think that and why she never told me that 14 years ago. She told me her aunt told her I was making out with some girl, and she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want to stir conflict between me and her aunt. Weird things like this do happen. Chances are you’ll never know what motivated that girlfriend to lie like that. Let it go. Breakup is hard enough to go through without overloading your mind with questions that may never be answered and to which no answer would ultimately change anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 If you still live together there's a lot more work of severing ties ahead. Don't worry about this anonymous friend. It makes no difference because you are ending the relationship for other reasons. Focus on moving out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sam999_000 Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 Thank you all for your support and input, yes its eating me up and realise chasing this is just doing me more damage mentally and emotionally. I just have to let this go and focus on moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 If you know you didn't go to any bar & make out with somebody you have to know her friend is lying or mistaken or your EX is baiting you. Don't stoop to her level If you were making out with somebody in a bar, who cares? You are now single, right? If you were doing it while you & your GF were together well that is an indication that you are better off apart if you were cheating. If you think there is a possibility that you were so drunk you don't remember, get an STD test & reexamine your relationship with alcohol. Link to post Share on other sites
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