Cheating. Help.

[Soulmate47]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

So you are being butt hurt over it. Let it go and be at peace with it. It would be different if you had no idea what he was do all the while was making big promises, and see other women behind you back....this whole time he's be straight forward about it. Revenge would be such a childish act, and you would be setting yourself up for humiliation from the gossip by the towns people. The reality is, he got tired of waiting and I don't blame the guy. He was ready to commit right away, but you dragged your feet for 3 years, so you only have yourself to blame. Basically you two should never had dated because you both had very different expectations. 

The right thing to do is to move on from your marriage and move on with your life.  Kids adapt just fine. Divorcing and being happy is a healthier choice. All will be OK. 

Not entirely true. He was with another woman for 1 year and a half before this one.  So I wasn’t willing to move forward while he was with her.  

[Weezy1973]

If you want to tell her, I’d just tell her and let the chips fall where they may. If you’re labeled the “crazy ex” so be it. 

[mark clemson]

18 hours ago, Soulmate47 said:

Complicit?  He lied to me about their relationship for months.  Kept calling her a “distraction” until I was free. 

On 3/26/2024 at 7:08 PM, Soulmate47 said:

I found someone.  But not just someone, definitely my soulmate.  

Well, his feelings grew and now he’s choosing her over me.

Come on. If this was really about protecting her you would have acted at the point where they started up, or at the point where you figured out she doesn't know about you.

Instead it's happening now, as you make a play to hang on to your "soulmate" (who clearly doesn't feel the same way about you) and/or vindictively spoil what they have with your reveal.

TBH I think this soulmate assessment is the dopamine and oxytocin talking. At any rate, men only get a "free pass" from those willing to give them one, which was you right up until now.

Edited March 28, 2024 by mark clemson

[Acacia98]

On 3/27/2024 at 9:03 PM, Acacia98 said:

I'm curious: why don't you want her to know it's you? And what do you believe will happen when you tell her?

You never did answer my questions, @OP. ☝️

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Soulmate47 said:

Not entirely true. He was with another woman for 1 year and a half before this one.  So I wasn’t willing to move forward while he was with her.  

Nonetheless, you both had one foot out the door (mainly on your end because you were holding off on finalizing the divorce), and this is the predictable outcome of that foolish arrangement.  

You can send her the proof if you want but I’m pretty sure he’ll deny it and make you into the crazy ex for doing it. Or he’ll fess up and they’ll both be angry at you. What I recommend is that you focus on finalizing your own divorce and moving on with your life. Concentrate on what’s best for your kids and yourself, and stop worrying about his relationship with this other woman. It’s not your responsibility or problem anymore. You both made choices that led to this outcome and now it’s time to accept it and move on.

By the way, how far along are you in finalizing your divorce? 

Edited March 28, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Soulmate47]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Nonetheless, you both had one foot out the door (mainly you because you were holding off on finalizing the divorce), and this is the predictable outcome of that foolish arrangement.  

You can send her the proof if you want but I’m pretty sure he’ll deny it and make you into the crazy ex for doing it. Or he’ll fess up and they’ll both be angry at you. What I recommend is that you focus on finalizing your own divorce and moving on with your life. Concentrate on what’s best for your kids and yourself, and  stop worrying about his relationship with this other woman. It’s not your responsibility or problem anymore.  You both made choices that led to this outcome and now it’s time to accept it and move on.

Did you ever get divorced, by the way?

Not sure how he can deny it.  It’s all in Black and White.  I was holding off on finalizing my divorce bc he was with another woman. 

[smackie9]

8 minutes ago, Soulmate47 said:

Not sure how he can deny it.  It’s all in Black and White.  I was holding off on finalizing my divorce bc he was with another woman. 

Why should that be reason to hold off....should be doing it anyways to make yourself available to anyone that becomes your "soulmate"

TBH he's had np coming up with excuses to keep seeing other women...some soulmate is he. 

Edited March 28, 2024 by smackie9

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, Soulmate47 said:

Not sure how he can deny it.  It’s all in Black and White.  I was holding off on finalizing my divorce bc he was with another woman. 

But why would you wait to finalize your divorce? Aside from using it as some kind of weird way to “punish” him for being with someone else (which it seems you never really followed through on, since you saw him during the majority of their 1.5 year relationship, so it was really just you holding on to hope on some level and torturing yourself), it just doesn’t make sense to me.

Did you still have some kind of obligation to him as far as support (your soon-to-be ex-husband)? You could have at least filed for divorce 3 years ago, but just delayed it until you were ready instead of holding onto the legal ties.

There are a lot of holes in your story and it doesn’t really add up.

And clearly the man you were dating didn’t feel all that compelled to be with her (at the time), if he was still seeing you while also seeing her. It’s all just a big mess. And regardless of who was with who first or last, he’s currently with someone else and choosing to be with them over you. That’s what you need to focus on and start moving on from. 

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, Soulmate47 said:

Not sure how he can deny it.  It’s all in Black and White.  I was holding off on finalizing my divorce bc he was with another woman. 

What does his being with another woman have to do with you finalizing your divorce?   You were planning on divorcing anyway before you even met the other man.

Edited March 28, 2024 by stillafool

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, Soulmate47 said:

  I was holding off on finalizing my divorce bc he was with another woman. 

What does the OM have to do with the end of your marriage?  If your marriage was over end it.  Don't wait for some other guy to come along so you can have a soft landing.  Like her politics or not but Fani Willis was spot on about one thing:  A Man is not a Plan.  

[basil67]

You were married and were having a thing with him while knowing he had a thing with someone else.   As you were also cheating on your husband during this whole debacle, I don't understand how you can be on your high horse with trying to give him repercussions.

Honestly, I think the most likely repercussion is for an STI to travel through the lot of you. 

[BaileyB]

I personally would not be fighting to keep this guy… If she wanted him, she would be welcome to have him. 

 

[Gaeta]

18 hours ago, Soulmate47 said:

  I was holding off on finalizing my divorce bc he was with another woman. 

Interesting.

In your opening story you said you were holding off the divorce for the sake of your children. I don't think you and your husband have a seperation agreement. This sentence tells me you're keeping your husband as back up plan. You don't want to fall in between 2 chairs. 

I always think of the children involved in those stories I read on here. Children are highly sensitive to their environment that's why it's better for them to have divorced parents than to have parents living a lie under the same roof. 

Instead of concentrating on this lover and how to take revenge on him, learn to let go. You have a part of responsibility in this story, identify it, name it, take responsability for it. You made a long list of bad decisions to end up where you are today. 

Edited March 29, 2024 by Gaeta

[Harry]

He cheated in his wife with you. He cheated on you with OW.  Why do you want to be with a cheater?  He wants to cheat he likes the excitement of new woman.  Unfortunately you became old.   You need to find someone else.  Wate until your divorce is finish. Then go looking   With nothing to hide