Im getting so annoyed!!!!!!!

[Delicaterose00]

Hey folks.. its me again. To fill anyone in ~ Boyfriend cheated on me after 2 years, broke up in May, even though he was seeing her in February, had me move in in April, and then even though we said he was not seeing her wanted space but still wanted me stay there with thim.. so I left.. we broke up.. ok..so I was devasted and wanted to kill myself... and its been what... 7 months!!!! I am still not over this! Every song that comes on still I think of him, and if you have not noticed all the new songs are about cheating.. and i keep hoping he thinks of me when he hears them.. but I doubt it.... That new song by that American Idol girl.. I cant think of her name right now.. she is on the country station.. I wish i would have keyed his car and slashed his tires, makes me mad I did not! lmao.. but Im still thinking of him everyday and how he has moved on and how he is with this girl still.. and theyll be together a year I guess in Feb or March... so soon... I cant take it.. Im so upset still!!! I want him out of my head!!!!! Sometimes when I start to think about him and tell myself " Stop, just stop" I can forget him... but then something triggers it.... I am at the point where I can sometimes, when in conversation with people be like " oh ya, my ex used to love that, or oh my gosh remember Mike used to blah blha blah" but its when I think of him with that chick I get all mad and angry.... I have never held on this long.. maybe true love never dies, but this fire needs to get put out!!! Oh man.. he is a firefighter.. lmao... oh well no pun intended... I dont cry anymore really, once every 2 weeks I might get a tear or if I dream of him I get really sad... but gosh how is everyone else dealing with this??? How do I stop thinking of him with her and telling him he loves her and doing all the things he did with me... aughhh, I usually have another boyfreind by now... and I get over the next.. dont know how to get over one without another..... but who knows if I will I mean Im also usually over them by now also... help me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Outcast]

1. Make a list of every rotten thing he did or said to you

2. Every time you start pining for him, read the list

3. DO NOT allow yourself to think about any of the good things in the relationship

4. Repeat steps 2 & 3 as often as necessary.

[Delicaterose00]

I have done that.. but the problem is, he is everything now that I wanted him to be.... its not fair. He is calling her when he goes out ( when she lets him!) which he always had a problem with at the end of our relationship. He thought I dindt give him enough freedom, but I did! Now, the new girl has this hold on him or something, and he never goes out.. always with her.. I never was allowed to look at his phone... but she freaking is allowed to hold onto it and see who is calling when it does ring.. WTF!!!! so to write down things I dont like about him, dont help now, because now, he is what I wanted him to be..... keep replying, Im dieing at my desk here.. Im getting all depressed again!

[In Sync]

Don't be so hard on yourself about your not being over him in 7 months! Who's counting and saying you shouldn't be still hurting?? You psyche knows when to stop hurting and rushing only makes you stress and think about him more. So allow your heartache to come when it does and allow it to pass, like the waves in th ocean, but resistances to it will only create more tension and a cycle starts again. Also realize, you weren't over him because the relationship didn't just end because you both grew apart...one person was still emotionally in it and the other person was doing mind games and cheating...that's betrayal and betrayals are something no person just gets over in 7 months...much less years. (I'm not saying this guy is going to stick around in your head for years...I'm just saying betrayals are cruel to the heart and soul, one does not easily get over blatant betrayals) Even though most would like to think we're all civil and can be undertsanding like Jude and Sienna, that's bullcrap..betrayal means someone trampled over your heart and trust...So the last person you need to beat up on is yourself for feeling the way you do..which is hurt.

You have a long road to recovery but you will get there..definitely steer your thoughts away by always finding something to focus on, especially fun and new things...distract yourself. Work is ususally not just enough because work is habitual and the mind will wonder, but new things pull your concentration in new directions. NC, no contact means obviously no information directly or indirectly about the ex. Eliminate that from your pool of information..it doesn't help in the slightest. You are almost becoming obsessive in your thoughts so you must make extreme efforts to erase those thoughts and I repeat become obsessive in new activities. It's tough to get enthusiastic but this is for your sake...not to spiral down and become morbid and pinning over him.

[Delicaterose00]

I have tried all that.. My info about him comes through family, because, My cousin danielle is married to Dana, and Dana is bestfreinds with Mike. He wont ever be out of my life.. I always have to worry about Mike being there if I go to visit, I always have to ask to make sure, I dont want to say anything bad about my life to them because I dont want Dana going to Mike with it, and believe me he will and does... I dont want Mike to know Im hurting, so when I talk to them, which is not often anymore, I make myself sound wonderful and like my life is wonderful..... so they have nothing to say to Mike.... aughhhh... pain pain go a way, come again some other day.. lmao... god, I feel like kicking his but so bad, I would love to just beat him or run over him with my car. lmao god.. im hurting.

[In Sync]

I have tried all that.. My info about him comes through family, because, My cousin danielle is married to Dana, and Dana is bestfreinds with Mike. He wont ever be out of my life.. I always have to worry about Mike being there if I go to visit, I always have to ask to make sure, I dont want to say anything bad about my life to them because I dont want Dana going to Mike with it, and believe me he will and does... I dont want Mike to know Im hurting, so when I talk to them, which is not often anymore, I make myself sound wonderful and like my life is wonderful..... so they have nothing to say to Mike.... aughhhh... pain pain go a way, come again some other day.. lmao... god, I feel like kicking his but so bad, I would love to just beat him or run over him with my car. lmao god.. im hurting.

 

Then you may just have to be honest and say to these mutual friends family, look I'm not handling my feelings well about him..please refrain from talking about this man in front of me. Unless we're dealing with people straight out of junior high school I can't imagine that they wouldn't be respectful to your wishes. Let go of the need to want to bodily harm him. Please, just because he behaved appallingly doesn't mean you need to reduce yourself to his level..

the need for revenge is not taking responsibility for your emotions in a constructive way..you'll just stay stuck in a negative teenager mode. You're a mature woman with strength who doesn't need that louse of a man.

[Delicaterose00]

U are right.. and thats why I have not done more than slap him in the face twice the night I found out.... aughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I just feel like my pain will never go away... when will I not care at all.. like I can talk to my ex from 5 years back and he cheated on me and now he is nothing I woudl ever date, but then again, I will always find Mike attractive, this older ex is nasty now.. but I hope one day I can think of him and feel nothing, absolutely nothing, like I am sure he feels for me.. I guess he told my cousin in October to tell me that he wished me the best... WTF.. sure you do buddy, because you have what you think is the best holding your hand.... sniff sniff...

[In Sync]

U are right.. and thats why I have not done more than slap him in the face twice the night I found out.... aughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I just feel like my pain will never go away... when will I not care at all.. like I can talk to my ex from 5 years back and he cheated on me and now he is nothing I woudl ever date, but then again, I will always find Mike attractive, this older ex is nasty now.. but I hope one day I can think of him and feel nothing, absolutely nothing, like I am sure he feels for me.. I guess he told my cousin in October to tell me that he wished me the best... WTF.. sure you do buddy, because you have what you think is the best holding your hand.... sniff sniff...

 

Hey, I'm not po poing on feeling angry..in fact You of course should feel angry sad, hurt...hell these breakups are a b***h. But pour it out here, don't display it in front of him and his friends and family..it'll only be fodder later on that you are all bent out of shape. But I sti;l stand by you need to minimize how much info you are getting regarding him. Think of it as detoxing and ridding your body of the poison in your system, because the more you know of him the more you are infected and it eats you alive. You can't change what's happened, but you can control your behavior from this day forward. Yell, scream have a tantrum at home in private. BUT in front of his family friends, try to keep a level head and cooling walk away from hearing about the ex. The other reason I say this is because if he does indeed have a new girlfriend you will do something SUPER SELF DESTRUCTIVE...COMPARING YOURSELF TO HER. Yep, comparing yourself to her will eat you alive...that's why it hurts so much. I know I was there and had to control that the most. You'll always wonder what did she have I didn't. The answer is nothing but until you consciously stop it, that will keep you in pain and hurt longer.

 

Take charge and control of your recovery!