How do I solve this.

[jude51ben]

You Incestous B......d.  This is a better part of the rhetoric that I have heard from my wife of 45 years, almost every single day. And the saddest part of it all is that I am completely innocent of her accusations. The situation is too bizarre, but will try to explain. Wife and myself are 66 years old. Married for 45 years. Five months ago went on holiday. Beautiful time, both on the same page. Having a great time. On tours every day with about 25 other people. On one of the last days of the holiday one woman complimented me loudly in the bus saying I looked good and did I work out a lot. I passed it of and thought nothing of it. had not spoken to the woman on the holiday or paid her any attention.Took a lot of photos for the day and when back at the hotel my wife looked at the photos and noticed that three of them had this woman in them. i took photos of all the forts and other buildings and people were in the photos. For some bizarre reason my wife decided that I was stalking this woman because she was in three photos and she had complimented me so my head apparently had been turned. I had no interest whatsoever in her or anyone else on holiday except my wife. Tried telling her but she had decided and that was that. Totally ruined the holiday.

Got home to another horrific situation few days later. Bedside cabinet with drawers next to my bed. All sorts of stuff in the drawers collected over the years. On top of the cabinet a pile of all sorts, documents, papers, photos etc taken from the drawers at some time or other and left on top. When cleaning one day my wife found two photos of my sister in the pile of stuff and decided that they were lewd photos, should not have been in that place, thereforeI had sick intentions about my sister and was using her photos for my gratification.Those photos were taken about 40 years ago when I took up potrait photography and was done in my mothers garden, all of them face shots in potrait poses. So when I left them on my bedsise cabinet it never was with any sick intentions, nor do I have any kind of sick interest of that kind. No matter what I said I could not dissuade her from her accusations to me. By this time I had started to realise that something was very wrong with how she was starting to think about too many things. The holiday incident. I had never paid any attention to that woman, had never tried to speak to her. She was just a person on the tour. But because she complimented me, the dynamics seemed to change completely for my wife. Never gave my wife any reason to doubt me on the holiday.

Then the incident at home. By now I felt like I was in hell. Told her we needed to go to councilling, but she refused pointblank. So had to tell my three grownup boys about everything. Yhey tried to talk to her but she would not listen to them. I told my sisters about all of this and they were horrified that my sister had such a black mind. We are now living in the darkes regions of hell every day, and knowing that I am not guilty of the things she has accused me of, it is getting harder and harder to put up with her dreadful anger and sickening language, brought on because she believes I am guilty. How do I get her to see that I am telling the truth, and the way she is thinking of these incidents  is totally irrational and terribly wrong. It has been slowly destroying me.

Heres where the problem gets worse. About 25 years ago  I did a few things that caused my wife great pain and distress. But we had small children and my wife did not want to cause any upsets or damage in our lives, so we managed to paper over and carry on with life.I did not understand enough of how much pain I had caused my wife and we did not sort it out at that time.So it is very obvious now after all this madness, that it had festered in my wifes mind all this time, and who is to blame her. In retrospect I always realised that I was guilty of things from the past because our lives never got back to being perfect. But when these things happened lately, I knew that the badness of the past was really ressurecting itself in my wifes mind, and she was now finding ways of punishing me for those things I had not paid for from long ago. I have not treated my wife well, and it has affected her so much from what has now happened, but I love her very much, even now, in spite of what she has done to me in these horrible incidents lately. Her mind is stuck on me being guilty of these incidents, even though I know with every fibre of my being that none of it happened. How do I solve this. Does anyone have an opinion? I would dearly love to hear it. Thank you.

To those responsible for monitoring the system. PLEASE do not send any correspondence on my email as we both use the same email. Thank you.

 

[Wiseman2]

You've been together a long time. Please see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a licensed qualified therapist. Ask your wife to do the same. Unfortunately some early cognitive issues can manifest as paranoia and pathological jealousy. 

[Gebidozo]

Sorry this is happening to you.

I think you’ve already discovered the root of the problem. Whatever you did 25 years ago, your wife still can’t forgive you for that. You haven’t resolved that issue. She hasn’t healed. She’s been living with pent-up resentment that is now manifesting itself in her irrational reactions to everything you’re doing. You need marriage counseling. You must address that event that occurred 25 years ago. Make real amends for that, so that your wife can finally heal.

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, jude51ben said:

About 25 years ago  I did a few things that caused my wife great pain and distress.

What did you do? 

17 hours ago, jude51ben said:

Her mind is stuck on me being guilty of these incidents, even though I know with every fibre of my being that none of it happened

It sounds like she needs an evaluation of her physcial and mental health. To conjure up accusations of incest is beyond the pale, and she needs attention immediately. She seems incredibly paranoid and I don't think it's just because she is remembering what you did decades ago. There might be something more serious going on with health-wise that is coming out as bizarre and unfounded accusations. She is at an age where these problems start to develop and it could signal something more serious with her. 

If she refuses to see a doctor of any kind, then you have to decide if you can remain in this marriage with her in the state she is in. It doesn't appear this is just going to go away on its own.