Why Can't I Just Be Happy?

[Lila]

My problem is that regardless of how good things may be going in my life, I never feel truely happy. I hate the fact that I tend to focus on negative things in my life instead of being content with the good things. i.e. I just graduated college and am going to continue my studies, got out of a horrible relationship in which I got my heart broken, and am now in a healthy relationship with a guy who respects me and treats my 10 times better. Yet I focus on the fact that I don't have that many freinds and am not as close as I want to be with my parents.

 

I tend to dwell on negative things that have happened to me and have a hard time moving on and forgeting about the past, especially the way that I was hurt in my past relationship. I am happy that I am no longer with that jerk, but still feel hurt bt what he did to me. And that hurt effects my present life b/c I dont allow myself to enjoy the good things that I have going for myself.

 

I guess that I want some insight as to how I can be a happier person and more carefree. I know thats a handful, but I trust the loveshack readers. Thanks for any help.

[Artlover]

First of all, NO ONE is happy and/or content (not compacent) all of the time. There are always issues or problems that can crop up to remind us where we are on our individual path. And personally, I think a small amount of discontent is perfectly ok, as that is what can motivate us to grow and change and 'seize the day', so to speak.

 

Now, if you're talking about a pervasive sadness caused by a void you feel you cannot fill no matter what good comes into your life, then I think a bit if therapy is in order. Most people unfortuantely think you have to experience a death or be suicidal to need therapy, but therapy can be very helpful in identifying why we have certain undesirable patterns or why we have anxiety, fear or asdness, if the cause isn't immediately clear to us.

 

If you're experiencing a depression of some sort, find a counsellor or psychologist in your area and try going for a session or two to see how it feels. Perhaps togather you can shed some light on why you won't allow yourself to enjoy the good in your life. I know I discovered in therapy that I concentrated on the negative for so long, because my mom is negative and has been depressed for the past 15 years! She's functional, but depressed nontheless. And I felt guilty about letting myself be happier in my life than she's ever been able to in her's. This is VERY common, by the way. But I wouldn't haven't learned this so quickly without some help.

 

Otherwise, If you're just comparing yourself to some ideal of happiness that NO ONE posseses, then just relax and give yourself a break. I hope this helps.

My problem is that regardless of how good things may be going in my life, I never feel truely happy. I hate the fact that I tend to focus on negative things in my life instead of being content with the good things. i.e. I just graduated college and am going to continue my studies, got out of a horrible relationship in which I got my heart broken, and am now in a healthy relationship with a guy who respects me and treats my 10 times better. Yet I focus on the fact that I don't have that many freinds and am not as close as I want to be with my parents. I tend to dwell on negative things that have happened to me and have a hard time moving on and forgeting about the past, especially the way that I was hurt in my past relationship. I am happy that I am no longer with that jerk, but still feel hurt bt what he did to me. And that hurt effects my present life b/c I dont allow myself to enjoy the good things that I have going for myself. I guess that I want some insight as to how I can be a happier person and more carefree. I know thats a handful, but I trust the loveshack readers. Thanks for any help.

[Artlover]

I don't actually believe therapy can rid you of your issues forever. All it can do is help you to identify the 'causes of the problems and help you manage them better. But it can make a world of difference!

First of all, NO ONE is happy and/or content (not compacent) all of the time. There are always issues or problems that can crop up to remind us where we are on our individual path. And personally, I think a small amount of discontent is perfectly ok, as that is what can motivate us to grow and change and 'seize the day', so to speak. Now, if you're talking about a pervasive sadness caused by a void you feel you cannot fill no matter what good comes into your life, then I think a bit if therapy is in order. Most people unfortuantely think you have to experience a death or be suicidal to need therapy, but therapy can be very helpful in identifying why we have certain undesirable patterns or why we have anxiety, fear or asdness, if the cause isn't immediately clear to us. If you're experiencing a depression of some sort, find a counsellor or psychologist in your area and try going for a session or two to see how it feels. Perhaps togather you can shed some light on why you won't allow yourself to enjoy the good in your life. I know I discovered in therapy that I concentrated on the negative for so long, because my mom is negative and has been depressed for the past 15 years! She's functional, but depressed nontheless. And I felt guilty about letting myself be happier in my life than she's ever been able to in her's. This is VERY common, by the way. But I wouldn't haven't learned this so quickly without some help. Otherwise, If you're just comparing yourself to some ideal of happiness that NO ONE posseses, then just relax and give yourself a break. I hope this helps.

[Ed]

The best way I have found to be happy is to be thankful.

 

Be thankful for everything, but start off slowly and simply. Begin by being thankful that you are alive right now. Tonight, when you are getting ready to go to sleep, be thankful that you made it through another day. When you wake up, be thankful that you have another day to live. You don't have to believe in God to be thankful. Just be thankful that some entity or non-entity has afforded you the opportunity to be alive on this Earth.

 

This is a very simple concept, but for some people it works. Many people take life itself for granted. Thousands of people loose their lives everyday due to violence, accidents and illnesses. You or someone you know could be one of those thousands tomorrow.

 

Once you can be thankful and happy you are alive, and get good at it, then you can start adding other things to be thankful for and happy about. There are many things to be thankful for. For instance - health, a job, an education, money to pay for food, clothing and shelter.

 

Just stick with the basics for a while, then you can start figuring out how to be thankful and happy for the more complicated things and aspects of life, like, being happy I'm alive, but unhappy that I have a recurring pain in my ass. And this always trips me up...Why, oh why, can't I have my cake and eat it too?!?!