Got myself in pretty deep...

[tidal]

Almost six months ago, I went through a terrible breakup with my boyfriend of six months at the time. The breakup lasted weeks and I was completely emotionally out of the relationship during that time. So, I found a new interest during this breakup period ((a mutual friend)) and we had sex a couple times. Then once the breakup was officially done with, we began dating. We have been dating for almost six months now.

 

Unfortunately, the grass isn't greener at all and things are not going very well.

 

There are several issues here:

1. I realize that I should have given my ex a second chance. Instead, I found someone right away and just gave up on him.

 

2. I am trying to give my current boyfriend a second chance, as to not make the same mistake I did with my ex, but I'm not sure he deserves it. When should I give up on someone who is not making me happy?

 

3. I went to see my ex for the first time since we broke up, a month ago. We just talked about stuff. I initiated the visit. Since then, we have had sex a couple times. He knows that I am in a relationship, he also knows that it is sour right now and he hates the guy I am dating.

 

I've gotten myself in deep that my ex pretty much thinks that if i am single again, i will take him back. I am not sure if that is a good idea, since I realize that we did breakup for a reason. Also, i hurt him A LOT during our breakup and I am terrified of doing that again.

 

I've been trying to focus on my current relationship, before I begin dwelling on future boy problems. But I just feel so overwhelmed and confused - and I know that it's all my fault!

 

What am I going to do?!

[Shana]

Break up with them both and find someone else. You cheated on both of them, that does not make you a good person for either of them. If you do decide to stay with the current one or old one how would you feel say 2 years from now knowing you cheated on him?? Just not right. Leave them alone.

[bluechocolate]

So, I found a new interest during this breakup period ((a mutual friend)) and we had sex a couple times. Then once the breakup was officially done with, we began dating. We have been dating for almost six months now.

 

I went to see my ex for the first time since we broke up, a month ago. We just talked about stuff. I initiated the visit. Since then, we have had sex a couple times.

 

I've been trying to focus on my current relationship, before I begin dwelling on future boy problems.

 

You cheated on the old b/friend & are now cheating on the new one. Now you've got the old one thinking you'll go back to him (having sex is a pretty good sign of that for a lot of people), but you yourself are not sure that that will happen. So what are you doing with the guy? Just messing him up some more because you didn't get enough the first time around? Or just looking for a bit of familiar comfort since you've discovered that the grass isn't always greener?

 

Have you always jumped from b/friend to b/friend?

 

I think you should forget about relationships with anyone 'cause it sounds to me like you have some work to do on yourself.

[johan]

Wow, you ARE in deep. You probably realize that you can't keep jumping back and forth like this, or you wouldn't have posted. I won't criticize you for your bad judgment, but I think you'd better knock it off in order to not do any more damage than has already been done.

 

Maybe you need some time on your own. And you need to stop sleeping with guys while you have commitments to others. You need to have more respect for people or get away from them. You don't want them to hate you.

[tidal]

Have you always jumped from b/friend to b/friend?

The first relationship I was ever in, lasted four years and we had a very easy and mutual breakup. Right after that relationship I started dating my now ex. So yes. I haven't been single in five years. Honestly, the prospect scares me.

 

So what are you doing with the guy? Or just looking for a bit of familiar comfort?

I say yes to the latter. My ex was my first sexual relationship and I still feel a connection there. I think that my ex and I are both unsure whether getting back together is a good idea.

[bluechocolate]

My ex was my first sexual relationship and I still feel a connection there.

 

You need to be careful because you could be setting up a pattern that will follow you through all of your relationships.

 

I haven't been single in five years. Honestly, the prospect scares me.

 

That is what you need to work on. You'll spend your life looking for fulfillment & self-esteem through relationships only to discover too late that that is not possible.

[bluechocolate]

oops! - that last paragraph shouldn't be in bold - those are my words, not yours & I left it too late to edit.

 

------------------

trying again:

 

 

My ex was my first sexual relationship and I still feel a connection there.

 

You need to be careful because you could be setting up a pattern that will follow you through all of your relationships.

 

I haven't been single in five years. Honestly, the prospect scares me.

 

That is what you need to work on. You'll spend your life looking for fulfillment & self-esteem through relationships only to discover too late that that is not possible.

[tidal]

So, how can I get myself out of this situation?

 

The last breakup was extremely difficult and I had a problem being direct about my feelings. Mainly because, it is difficult for me to figure out my feelings and to not be overwhelmed by confusion.

 

I agree that I do need some time for myself and I did not plan this last relationshp at all; I wanted a break from dating - but I somehow let myself get involved. So, what can I do to get myself out of this mess and into the clear so I can finally figure out some things about myself.

[Candied-Heart]

What I would do [ I think ] in accordance to your numbered list.

 

1. Accept the past, Ie- That you should have probably given your Ex a second chance. Don't dwell on it.

 

2. Give current boyf. his second chance that you learnt you 'should' give with the last one. If you still aren't happy after this chance, you can say you tried and feel better about moving on and presumably not make the same mistake with next boyf. or the Ex.

 

When should I give up on someone who is not making me happy?

IMO - When you strain to think of little-to-anything they do indirectly, that gives you happiness. When you're fighting far too often, when the love feels 'lost'.

 

3. Cease sleeping with Ex until you have sorted yourself out, [if you decide to even sleep with him again.] Ex could cause trouble if your relationship w/ current boyfriend is still worth saving by being spiteful and telling the BF of your cheating, and if he is to find out about your unfaithfulness [which is the right thing, but not always worth it] it should come from you.

 

I've gotten myself in deep that my ex pretty much thinks that if i am single again, i will take him back.

This is why you just have to stop. Tell him you need space, or don't tell him, whatever will keep things calm and keep him off your back while you assess your situation with your current relationship. Don't leave him hanging though. However you deal with it, you know him best.

 

Also, i hurt him A LOT during our breakup and I am terrified of doing that again.

I am sure this is a factor for HIM to consider also!

 

 

I would stick it out with current boy and see where it leads. Everyone has bad partches, and unfortunately you didn't deal with yours correctly.

[Cecelius]

When should I give up on someone who is not making me happy?

 

3. I went to see my ex for the first time since we broke up, a month ago. We just talked about stuff. I initiated the visit. Since then, we have had sex a couple times. He knows that I am in a relationship, he also knows that it is sour right now and he hates the guy I am dating.

 

What am I going to do?!

 

1) Stop relying on people you date to make you happy.

 

2) Stop being a cheater. You think BF2 won't get pissed off and tell BF1 that he was getting the goods when you were still with BF1? Vice versa? Even if no one finds out, you still have to face down that your actions are most men's nightmare.

 

3) Get some b@lls and realize that being alone for a while is not the hell on earth so many people think it is. If you have to sleaze around and skulk like this just to be as unhappy as you are, then why do it? Why not be a little lonely but be able to hold your head up high?