Im dying without my kids.

[tinktronik]

Alright, this is my quandry. This is the kids year with their Dad .

 

Over the last year , Ive questioned begining the process of going to court to fight our custody agreement and then decided not too ,over and over again.I have many reasons for doing this.

. Hes only had custody for 2 years now ( wow it's been 2 years). The first year we lived close together , so their were no prob's with the kids and we split the kids between us ,but couldent have a civil meeting between us. He remarried weeks after our divorce went thru ,to a 19 year old girl.Then Dad got a transfer to the opposite coast , I geared up for my summer with the kids .Then he said no you cant have them for summer ,for he would be moving them with him to the opposite coast.So I made plans to move to TX , (better work, closer family , not to mention less drive time to see my kids).And so I began the move within days of his move.While hunting for a place down in TX I get a call from the ex to come get the kids for the summer after all, he cant make the arrangements to move them all at once with him and his wife is pregnant , she cant handle them. I told him no, I had changed my plans based on his descision ,and hadent even gotten a place to live yet, and that in future make sure he could live with his own descisions , he could travel with our kids, they had a home waiting on the opposite coast .

He dident take them with him instead he left them with his new wifes family , one with her mom one with her aunt and one with his own mother. He never told me he was leaving them , dident give me contact numbers , I'd never met these people(except my ex's mom).After a few weeks I was able to get the numbers to reach my two youngest boys from my ex's mom.And started trying to figure out what was going on , the new wifes mom told me dad wasent even calling , and the family was thinking maybe they could adopt the kids.WHAT???After about 8 weeks my ex sent for the youngest two boys ( he has never gotten our oldest son back from his mom claiming that our son is too attached or that it will destroy his mother)

. The two youngest boys seemed to be doing well once they arrived , but within a few months (3) the new wife returned to her family and took them with her. Why was she taking our kids with her ? Still not sure , She initially claimed they were going to visit (but the boys had only been to their new home a couple of months).Before I knew it her baby was born and her and my ex were "getting divorced".

I couldent even find the kids dad? He wasent at home not at work .I made plans to go get the kids from the new wife and her family (meanwhile dec-feb ) had gone by with no word on Dad.The day I was to go get the boys , my ex calls(dad), hes gone to the kids , hes flying them home with him , but will stop off in TX on a layover , they will see me. So I meet him at the airport , hes a mess , but two of the kids are there so its ok. He decides to leave them in TX with me , then changes his mind and leaves only one of them , my youngest. He takes the middle child with him to CA. This is now the end of FEB. The beginning of March I get a call form the new wifes mother , my middle son is back on the east coast with them, Dad dropped him off the day before, I had just talked to him two days before , no word of this.

A week goes by , I make plans to go get my middle son. Then I find out that my middle son is back with Dad whos working it out with the new wife , they are driving cross country to go home to CA.

I call the kids daily , sometimes I reach them , sometimes I don't . So I started calling exs house to speak with my middle boy, dad never asked to speak to me or our youngest boy who was still with me , Feb had gone by, Mar , APR, MAY, JUNE, and in July I got a call demanding our youngest back .Dad said him and the wife were great everything was okay , time for boy to go home . So I took him home to CA amid much heartbreak , and got my middle son, brought him back to TX with me , because in the mess of his marrige another summer visitation had been disreguarded . So anyway, after our time together ( my middle son and I ) he went back to Cali. in August .

Everything has been quiet , no marital probs between ex and the new wife .Dad and I have decided that our oldest will either join him in Ca or I will move him with me in TX by the summer, and this arrangement will be permanent.

Ive been very worried about my boys , I just got back from CA. , went for X-mas dad seemed to be doing great with the boys , all were there , including my oldest who had traveled with my ex's mom . Dad played with the boys , it seemed routine , the house was clean , a nice neighborhood, nice clothes, right now everything is calm. And if I could be sure that this was "in fact" their lives , I could live with not having my boys in my life everyday,even though it tears me up , they do love their Dad . But the wife is very immature , and I see more of the same for a long time yet untill she finnaly leaves for good, and my ex dosent work under pressure like that . Ive been waiting to see what will happen , wether it will hold or not , and I dont know , but I dont think so . The wife dident have a civil word to me all thru x-mas ( for no apparent reason) and her and my ex had an argument over it .Her and my ex mother in law had an argument over it. I ended up leaving 2 days before scheduald , b/c of it , but I had a great time with the kids when I was there .

Lots of my friends tell me to follow my heart , If I dont feel right starting a custody battle , dont do it , and if I change my mind I can do it then.

Others tell me I need to fight for my boys before he screws them all up .

Im afraid that if I push for custody , and it turns into a mess the ex and I will never get the ground back with the kids ,or it may be the wrong descision to have the kids not with their dad. But Im afraid if I dont the kids will have more of the nonsense that theyve done before.I feel it would be selfish to take the kids solely because I cant live without them or I want them , but there is more than that.What do I do????

[bluechocolate]

What do I do????

 

Are you serious? Get a lawyer & go to court & sort this mess out. Those poor kids, being dragged around the country & put here & there with people you (& presumablye they) don't even know! How old are they? What about their schooling?

 

This all sounds like a real nightmare! I've half a mind to say that none of you should have these children! Honestly!

 

Things have been settled for five months, but you're not convinced they'll stay that way. Surely you realise that consistency & routine are important for children? Even if it's split custody they still need to know when things are going to happen & where they're going to be.

 

...but within a few months (3) the new wife returned to her family and took them with her. Why was she taking our kids with her ?

 

This is tantamount to kidnap & precisely why you need to get to court. I don't think your husband has any right sending these children into other peoples care without your knowledge & permission.

 

You most certainly need to get custody arrangements settled & set out in a legal document - for the sake of these children.

[tinktronik]

What do I do????

 

Are you serious? Get a lawyer & go to court & sort this mess out. Those poor kids, being dragged around the country & put here & there with people you (& presumablye they) don't even know! How old are they? What about their schooling?

 

This all sounds like a real nightmare! I've half a mind to say that none of you should have these children! Honestly!

 

Things have been settled for five months, but you're not convinced they'll stay that way. Surely you realise that consistency & routine are important for children? Even if it's split custody they still need to know when things are going to happen & where they're going to be.

 

...but within a few months (3) the new wife returned to her family and took them with her. Why was she taking our kids with her ?

 

This is tantamount to kidnap & precisely why you need to get to court. I don't think your husband has any right sending these children into other peoples care without your knowledge & permission.

 

You most certainly need to get custody arrangements settled & set out in a legal document - for the sake of these children.

 

Hello bluecholcolate, my boys are 4, 5 and 6 .The oldest is in school at g-mas home and it has been continous the middle started k in aug , and the youngest is not in school yet.Ofcourse I realize routine and constistency is important, espessially in children so young.The state we divorced in does not do split custody , it granted him physical and both of us legal.When the kids were being moved around I tried to fight the custody ruling but no state would take it on as the kids did not have jurisdiction in any state (because of the constant moving) But the states did tell me if I came and got the boys w/o Dads consent I would be in violation of our previous agreement and would be charged with kidnapping.Our custody arangement has been set out in the courts , the problem as I stated above is that no stated holds jurisdiction of my children because they have not earned residency. The state they resided in upon our divorce will not take jurisdiction b/c neither dad or I live there anymore , even though our oldest is still there with g-ma.

[bluechocolate]

Our custody arangement has been set out in the courts , the problem as I stated above is that no stated holds jurisdiction of my children because they have not earned residency.

 

Yikes! Even more messy.

 

I would speak to a lawyer and/or an advocacy group. There must be some options available to you (other than kidnap). It's terrible that custody rulings can be circumvented by moving children around like this. Sometimes the law truly is an a*s!

[brashgal]

I find it hard to believe that your custody agreement allows him to farm physical custody of his children to whoever he wants.

 

He lives in a different state now, as do you. I'd check with a lawyer to see if you can file for custody in one of those states, I've lived in both TX and CA, both will do joint custody.

 

Your kids belong together. Your ex has too many irons in the fire with his new family. I think it's up to you to take control for your kids sake.

[Mz. Pixie]

Why in the world would he get physical custody?? Were there abuse issues or drug or alcohol problems??

 

Letting him that basically guaranteed that he could do whatever he wanted, move where he wanted and everything.

 

I cannot imagine not being in my kids lives. I don't even like my split custody arrangement, much less only seeing my kids in the summer. This is TOO much drama for the kids to go through.

 

See a lawyer, document everything that's happened and file!

[tinktronik]

Why in the world would he get physical custody?? Were there abuse issues or drug or alcohol problems??

 

Letting him that basically guaranteed that he could do whatever he wanted, move where he wanted and everything.

 

I cannot imagine not being in my kids lives. I don't even like my split custody arrangement, much less only seeing my kids in the summer. This is TOO much drama for the kids to go through.

 

See a lawyer, document everything that's happened and file!

 

 

mS. Pixie, he got physical custody basically b/c I couldent get an attorney and he had a very good one. There were no drug or alcohol issues at all , but Dad was arrested and charged with spousal abuse, that is when I left . But I was a stay at home mom before then .So when we divorced , I had no job history (well , very little, and almost no money to speak of) .Dad had a career of 15 years , money in the bank , a great attorney .Sad but true.

I get more time with the kids since dad has been Fu*&ing up than I did before ,by default. Our custody agreement does give me summers , but Dad ignores our decree , and holidays vary, he ignores this too.But like I said , no state will allow me to bring these issues b/c of the jurisdictional issues. I have a great career now , and could spend my ex's income for the whole year on legal counsel , I have an atty in CA retained as well as in TX.But they cannot move b/c of neither of these states holds the jurisdiction.Our div. was done in NC , but they will not take it b/c Dad and I are no longer residents. If I can get my ex to hold still long enough (the statute is 12 months for the kids to be in CA )I can move on it , but the atty in CA says 6mo. will be good enough for the judge considering the circumstances , and the judge will take jurisdiction from NC . So well see.

[Mz. Pixie]

Gosh, he was arrested for spousal abuse and STILL got custody??? That's just wrong on so many levels.

 

Do whatever necessary to be with your children. I cannot imagine how this makes you feel.

[tinktronik]

Alright, so what Im getting from you all , is that even if things seem to be calming down and running smoothly with Dad if I dont feel that things will hold together I should take it to court beforehand? Just want to make sure this is the consensus .

[Art_Critic]

I think you need to see an attorney to see where you sit as far as how much of a case you have.

Document everything and give it to your attorney.

It sounds like you are in for a real fight.. Since he has custody and by the sounds of it you must not have had your act together at the time of the divorce..

 

But remember that Judges almost always favor the mother of the kids even if she doesn't have custody.. All you have to show is that you are improving on yourself and have the desire to have custody..

 

Good luck

 

By the sounds of it you are well represented .. Do you not trust your 2 attorneys and the advice they are giving you ?

[bluechocolate]

The way it sounds to me is that Dad has already demonstrated that he isn't entirely fit to be having full custody of his kids. He let the pregnant girlfriend take them off somewhere for a while, didn't he? And without telling you where & how to contact them? They've been split up & spread around the place. Couldn't he have left them all with you while he got things sorted?

 

On top of that he and the ex are about to start a new family. You already think she's immature & stated that she treated you badly when you were there - kids definitely pick up on that sort of thing. How do you feel about this woman being full-time step mother to your children? Do you think she's going to have your children's best interests at heart once she has her own child?

 

I'm not going to suggest what you should do, but whatever you decide you should come to a decision before the younger ones start full time school.

 

Good Luck.

[tinktronik]

I think you need to see an attorney to see where you sit as far as how much of a case you have.

Document everything and give it to your attorney.

It sounds like you are in for a real fight.. Since he has custody and by the sounds of it you must not have had your act together at the time of the divorce..

 

But remember that Judges almost always favor the mother of the kids even if she doesn't have custody.. All you have to show is that you are improving on yourself and have the desire to have custody..

 

Good luck

 

By the sounds of it you are well represented .. Do you not trust your 2 attorneys and the advice they are giving you ?

 

Art,

Yes I imagine I am in for a fight.I am questioning pushing hard on Dad b/c I feel if I wait he will voluntarily turn the kids over . Your right , I made decisions to stay home with my boys and put my financial saftey in someone elses hands and dident make sure to have access to the money tree. Bad idea. I think the reason I dident get the kids was b/c of where we divorced more than anything else . My ex was military , and the town we lived in at the time had very little in the way of jobs, so if I had gotten the kids I would have needed help from the state, this was his attys bone of contention and I could not refute it. My life is already structured around the kids even though I dont have them .I work from home , make a more than capable living , more than I'd ever thought I'd make .Ive taken my boys on appointments with me, and this is acceptable to do.My s/o and I hired in help with the youngest when our hours were busy, and this worked well.I do desire custody ,but I constantly second guess myself about what the right descision is for the kids. I do trust the attorneys I have , but , I get frustrated with the time frame of everything .The CA atty has already said if Dad moves the kids again before the 6 month mark , he cannot take it to court .Then the waiting starts again.His advice is to start making sure Dad obeys the current agreement, and ask for more in the way of access , I will most likely get it. And push forward from there. I do send money every month ,which has not been ordered , so this is in my favor also.

[amerikajin]

I am not an attorney but here is what I would suggest:

 

Start custody proceedings in the state where your children now reside. As far as I know, the state in which your children now reside would have to review the situation - that would be the place to start legal proceedings.

 

If they don't have jurisdiction over your initial divorce proceedings, then you are probably screwed on that front. You are going to have to sue for custody on grounds that he is unfit to be the primary custodian, so it won't necessarily be tied to your divorce proceedings. You are not only going to have to prove that he is unfit to be a parent, but you will also have to prove why you are a better one. This could get really ugly - you know that, right?

 

Regardless, I think you have a right, and by the looks of things, a duty to do what is best for your children.

 

You will need a good child custody legal specialist in whatever state your husband and children now reside. Once they start proceedings, your attorney can prevent your husband from leaving the state legally. He may still leave the state but he would be legally required to return or face legal consequences for leaving. Talk to an attorney in the state where they reside. Get someone who knows what they're doing and is reasonable with their fees (well, as reasonable as possible)

[Citizen Erased]

Okay I'm only 18 but I can stress, from my own personal experiences, that these kids need to be together and fast with a stable home. I have a brother and a sister and when our parents divorced we lived together with my dad throughout the whole divorce and it did help to be together, until I moved in with my mother (other issues). My brother is still a total mess, hes 14 and this happend when he was 10. He's lives in the city with my dad, my sister lives near the beach and I live about an two hours west of all of them. Split families are bad enough, but all of this moving around is extremely bad for the kids.

 

When you do eventually get this into court in whichever state, Australia and America have pretty similar custody laws, it is impossible to consider that any court would find they have a stable home life. This will get ugly, but fortunately the kids are so young it won't affect them as much as if they were older. This needs to be dealt with because a stable home is needed to bring up these children. Two years is too long to be living that sort of life.