Jump to content

Excluded by brother [41/M] from family gatherings. What should I [34/F] do?


askingquestions

Recommended Posts

happyhorizons

Hopefully, this is all innocent banter and he just enjoys talking to while you are there.  I am not sure I would find another doctor unless you truly feel uncomfortable. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
askingquestions

Thank you to everyone for your feedback. There are some varying opinions, but the overall consensus seems to be that there is no way to know for sure whether he intends to pursue an affair with me. For that reason, I will continue to see him, but will shut down any flirting that goes too far.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool
16 minutes ago, askingquestions said:

Thank you to everyone for your feedback. There are some varying opinions, but the overall consensus seems to be that there is no way to know for sure whether he intends to pursue an affair with me. For that reason, I will continue to see him, but will shut down any flirting that goes too far.

Why do you sound like you want him to try to pursue an affair with you?

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
NuevoYorko
3 hours ago, askingquestions said:

 but the overall consensus seems to be that there is no way to know for sure whether he intends to pursue an affair with me. For that reason, I will continue to see him, but will shut down any flirting that goes too far.

I have trouble believing that you are a psychologist.  

It's a pretty big problem if an adult woman needs to find out, depending upon the "help" of strangers on an Internet forum, what a man's intentions are "for sure" before she decides how to proceed.

Nobody can tell you "for sure" what this man's "intentions" are.   He might not even be able to tell you "for sure," and be completely honest with that.

It's likely that he would be waiting for "signals" (which of course, from your descriptions of how you are gazing at his eyebrows and analyzing his "suggestive expression" etc., you are sending in blazing neon explosions) that his advances would be well received, before he knows "for sure" whether you're fair game.

Sounds like you are.

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Wiseman2

It doesn't seem like he's suddenly flirting. It's seems like whatever is happening in your life is making you wish it were. 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
familyproblems

Hi everyone,

I will explain my situation in as much detail as possible to give you a complete understanding of my situation. In your response, please don't make assumptions and ask me if you have any questions.

In 2016, I developed complex PTSD as the result of childhood trauma within the family home. My brother denies that our childhoods were traumatic, but he was treated differently, and he left home (and never returned) at age 22, which is nearly 20 years ago.

In addition to the trauma, I have several serious medical conditions and a disability, which I will not name because it is rare and will identify me. In regard to medical conditions, I have lupus/SLE, endometriosis, epilepsy, rheumatoid arthritis, and three others that are rare. My physical disability causes severe shaking and jerking.

I spent years with a psychologist working through my trauma, and I initially had a lot of doubt whether my trauma was actually that bad. She made me realise that it was, and I was abused. I will give you an example - when I was 9, I was scared of my teacher and didn't want to go to school, my mum was so angry that she stabbed my thighs twice with her car keys to the extent that they bled. My dad once locked me in this car, held his full body weight against the door, knowing that I was unable to climb over the gear stick.

My complex PTSD was pretty bad, but I have made a full recovery. At my worst, I broke tableware and did a lot of yelling, and was just generally very emotionally dysregulated. I had therapy twice-weekly, and I haven't had any symptoms like that since late 2017. My brother was never present for these episodes, and actually never even had a single conversation with me during this period of my life, except for one phone call, where he asked what was wrong with me, and I explained the trauma. He called me a compulsive liar and that was it.

My brother met his wife in 2016 and got married in 2017, and obviously I didn't have great mental health during this period. I was always polite when I met her though. He didn't speak to me at his wedding, but just asked my parents, in front of me, "is she behaving today?" They have since had two children - who are now 4 and 1.

I'm not welcome at family events, including Easter, Christmas, etc. This Easter, my brother, his wife and their children visited my parents from interstate, and while they were staying, I couldn't visit, and I wasn't invited to lunch on Easter Sunday. This is because my brother says he has to protect his children.

What is most difficult about this situation is that while I'm excluded from family events, my parents also think I'm incapable of being independent, and my mother insists on doing everything for me, cooking for me, etc, so I am constantly hearing about my brother and his kids, which is emotionally painful for me. I have a very small income and they're unwilling to help me engage support services.

Meanwhile, my brother thinks I'm manipulating my mum to be with me all the time. She doesn't correct him of course, because she prefers that I take the blame. For that reason, my mum doesn't visit my brother regularly interstate, and he thinks that's because I tell her not to. I wonder if he is also excluding me because he is upset that my mum is not spending more time with him and his kids.

My parents have also become quite neglectful of their health, and I'm not sure what to do. They haven't been to the dentist or optometrist in two years, and my mum has some stomach issues at the moment that I think she should investigate. When I suggest seeing the doctor, she says that she's too busy managing my health (I manage my health, entirely), and that I only care about her health because if something happened to her I wouldn't be able to look after myself. That's obviously not true.

Does anyone have any idea how I should move forward in this situation? I feel stuck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...